Is it worth even attempting to get a ex back?

[Louisarrr]

That pretty much sums it up.
He ended it with me after 5 months for someone else.
Any point even trying?

Do*

I agree totally,he was the first person I had feelings for after being hurt from my last partner.
I have to tell myself i got over that,I can get over a arse who treated me like crap.
I stupidly thought him talking about being serious meant he had genuine feelings.
I feel pathetic

Right stop OP. Been here a few months ago. After dating extensively over the last three years, I thought I could spot a wrong 'un and a wrong line too. I really did think I had my shit together.

Then out of a FWB situation, I fell hopelessly in love. So much so I started to change radical things about myself as he wasn't happy with them. Of course, the more they take the more they want.

Juxtapose that with words of I love you like I've loved no other, Marry me, spend the rest of my life with you, father to your kidsetc.

And I fell for every single word. I had no reason to doubt him. he was absolutly and ytterly consistent. Even down to seeking reasurance from me that I wouldn't break his heart.

Of course, in the end it was nonsense. Thing was, where a lot of women use sex as a bargaining chip, I do not. I am a submissive - no need to say the word 'love' to get me into bed. He could have had it anyway. All the more baffling then really.

My advice. Don't assume that everyone else thinks like you and is as honest as you. There are a lot of damaged people out there with the ethics of a gnat.

Head up lovely. He did you a favour. YOU are the winner here.

Don't feel pathetic, you're not pathetic. You've just done what so many of us do, and it's fine.

Just keep telling yourself "I fell because he was the first person to come around from being hurt" your defences were low. I feel bad for being harsh with you as I didn't know the back story, now I do, I can empathise with you.

He isn't worth this hassle, sweets. You've had a bad time but try to forget him. Pay some attention to yourself! You deserve it, not him.

Xxx xx

I just hate feeling like nothing,like he preffered someone else
It's shit isn't it. But trying to get back with the person who dumped you is not the answer to the pain. He cheated on you so why do you even want to give him the time of day. Get angry. How dare he do that!

In my experience looking back doesn't work. The reasons the relationship failed will probably still be there even if well hidden, and trying again just repeats the pain. The difference is that when you get dumped a second time you feel that much worse about yourself than the first time. Look forward to a new life with a new and better man (or alone if you prefer) is my advice. Going back to exes rarely works IMHO.

You need to try and change your thought processes too. Just because he rejected you does not mean there's anything wrong with you, just that he wasn't into you enough. That's life, most relationships fail, and the sooner you can get to grips with that the less you'll hate yourself.

I just hate feeling like nothing,like he preffered someone else

Or maybe he latched onto someone who take his crap more easily? Maybe he saw in you someone who wouldn't be such an easy ride? That's a good thing right? :)

Cocklodgers tend to go for the easiest option, which suggests there's not anything wrong with you at all, perhaps actually the opposite.

No.

It is, however, worth investing in a dictionary and looking up the words "pride", "self-respect" and "dignity". He's an arsehole and you don't need two of those.

In any event, you've got no reason to believe he wants you back if he's still with another woman, so it's not in your control.

I've blocked him so won't be tempted to look.
I'm going to put down all the things that annoyed me about him...
1.he always interrupted me and when I spoke felt like he wasn't really bothered.
2.Talked about how attractive he was (I'm the best looking man in here)
3.checked out other women
4.lazy
5.always on his phone even when out to dinner
6.used to spit in the street
7.flakey
(P.s sorry if I'm boring anyone,if I write them down I might feel better )

Oh and admitted cheating in relationships

He sounds like an utter knob.

Well done you!

Well done, angel.

That's a great step in the right direction.

He sounds like you can do so much better. He was just a stepping stone to something better.

I'd say never ever get back with an ex.

Hopefully il feel ok soon ..

I agree with all of the PP saying don't waste your time.

As well - I have seen this at close quarters and can tell you even if you did get him back, it wouldn't work out how you hope.

Either once you've got him back and you feel you have "won", you will then see the light and dump him which can cause men like that to go a bit psycho. You end up with a nasty mess on your hands.

Or he will play ball for a bit and dump you again - which is even more painful.

Or you will have a period of dating and it all seems nice but you can't get out of your head the niggling feeling that he didn't really want you and you had to persuade him into it.

Either way it's messy and it won't have a happy ending - because you are trying to cure something (your own low self esteem) the wrong way (by winning the approval of someone who doesn't matter).

The only real way to win back an ex is to totally forget about them, go no contact (real no contact - none of this "accidentally" bumping into him or "accidentally" calling him) and improve your own life - and if they do come crawling back you won't be interested.

I'm going to put down all the things that annoyed me about him

Good idea. I did that with an ex and it was so interesting reading it a few years later when the bad memories had faded and I started thinking he was actually a really good bloke. He wasn't that bad compared to the horrors you read here, but I'd completely forgotten all his traits that drove me batty, and I went from could I go back with him to no way would I go back with him!

I think I just want him to see that I was good enough to be with ...

No, he's not good enough.

I think its really important to lose the 'establishing who isn't good enough' trend..like its an either or thing. You're both entirely good enough for someone, you're just not the right fit for each other. We have to stop demonising ourselves and others. Not all relationships last. In fact most won't. Not because most people are narcs/psychos/abusive/horrible/not good enough but because people are human and change is inevitable and sometimes we don't handle it quite right. That's all.