Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it worth even attempting to get a ex back?

92 replies

Louisarrr · 30/07/2017 20:01

That pretty much sums it up.
He ended it with me after 5 months for someone else.
Any point even trying?

OP posts:
Original poster
Louisarrr · 30/07/2017 22:49

I would never ever contact him,I wouldn't make myself look pathetic.
I do know deep down,he decided he didn't want me in his life so his loss.
The fact he has a reputation jumping from 1 woman to the next,leaving kids behind just goes to show he isn't exactly mr reliable.
My 12 year old cousin actually said something that made me laugh
"If Perrie can get over zayn you can get over him"

OP posts:
Original poster
Louisarrr · 30/07/2017 22:51

I know 5 months isn't a long time but he was so intense with me in those 5 months
Text/spoke daily,seen each other as much as possible.

OP posts:
Grooves · 30/07/2017 22:51

See, exactly. He's known to be a nob.

How old are you? I hope you don't take that as I'm being condescending? Xx

Original poster
Louisarrr · 30/07/2017 22:53

I'm old enough to know better I'm afraid ...I'm 29.

OP posts:
Grooves · 30/07/2017 22:58

I think you just got caught up in the whole thing. Were you single a while before you got with him?

I can tell you're upset, but it's not worth it. Don't be sad, don't waste tears on a div like him.

From what you said, he doesn't would like a person you'd wanna be with. Someone that jumps from woman to woman doesn't respect women and you deserve someone that respects you.

Original poster
Louisarrr · 30/07/2017 22:59

I was single a couple of years before him.
Got my heart broken then and honestly thought I would never have feelings for anyone else again till I met him.

OP posts:
Grooves · 30/07/2017 22:59

Sound**

Grooves · 30/07/2017 23:03

That's what it is then! You've been out the dating scene and kinda jumped onto the guy that's shown you attention.

My advice is date and set those standards higher! Don't settle straight away, have a few dates here and there but don't feel obligated to get with em straight away.

Put you first.

PeachPearPotato · 30/07/2017 23:05

The fact he has a reputation jumping from 1 woman to the next,leaving kids behind . Therein lies your problem. Be more picky about your men.

indigox · 30/07/2017 23:12

Its obvious you have self esteem issues which are dependent on a relationship status, you should give dating a wide berth for a while and forget this guy.

NikiBabe · 30/07/2017 23:13

I haven't read the whole thread as I dont need to, you gave away all anyone needed to know in the first few posts.

The answer is you cant get an ex back unless they want to come back. How can you get someone back who doesn't want to come back? You cant. Asking or cozying up to them will just make you look needy and unattractive.

I hope you're not still in contact? The best chance you ever have of getting anyone back is going no contact and moving on with your life. But then if they came back would you really want them knowing they only came back because the one they left you for didnt work out? Then there is no guarantee they wont do it again.

Hold your head high and move on.

LesisMiserable · 31/07/2017 06:01

I think posters are being a bit harsh here. Easy to say effectively 'snap out of it' but so hard to do when you are right in the stage of feeling like an also ran - the sense of rejection, confusion and desperation send you nutty, you spend your time reading step by step instructions about how to win him back (usually just wait it out until he comes back/youve moved on) , hell even the spell casting sites are starting to look like a viable plan!!! Its the worst. Logically, you know it will pass, but you're right in the middle of an abrupt withdrawal process, a cold turkey you had no say in. Whilst they're off apparently enjoying life with your replacement like you were nothing. OP, I got dumped after four years with a note through my door. I was in utter shock but I'd already seen my successor on the horizon....I was devastated, angry and annoyed with myself for being with him as long as four years of my precious life!! I was 42 when it happened and thought I was going to be single forever now. Six weeks after d-day (dumping!) I went on Tinder for no other reason but to see if my flirting muscle still worked. It was rusty, but I started talking to a good looking, nice man and a month later we met. That was nearly three years ago - and we got married last week. 😊 I honestly never give ex a second thought, unless its when I'm in wise old sage mode on here. So please, it will pass I promise. There's the right one out there for you, he wasn't it.

Original poster
Louisarrr · 31/07/2017 07:45

It happened so fast ..we went from intense months to him dissapearing.
He called me,I missed it and rang him back,he didn't answer and ignored all my texts.
I had a feeling someone else was involved.
The last two weeks I had a feeling he was sick of travelling over but put it to the back of my mind.
How does someone change over you so fast?
Do they just wake up one day and like someone else?
He used to always check out other women,even if I had spent hours getting ready and looking nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Louisarrr · 31/07/2017 07:47

It hurts that he was actively looking for someone else whilst I was walking around thinking we were happy.
Part of me wants to redeem myself and see him looking really good,just to prove to myself that I am worth something.

OP posts:
UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 31/07/2017 07:49

No do not try and get back with him.
All the time you waste longing after him or trying to get him back, is time you could be spending meeting and having a relationship with someone who is worthy of you.

user1498556293 · 31/07/2017 07:57

I've been through this quite a long time ago now, we were together about 4 months, he lived about 35 miles away. He ended it, I could feel him drifting in the last couple of weeks. I was devastated. I did what you haven't done yet....made myself look desperate and like an idiot.

At the time, I thought he was amazing and just couldn't let him go in my head. I spent the next 6 months to a year trying to get him back lol. When I look back now......I dread to think what he must of thought of me to be honest. I'm so embarrassed looking back....absolutely cringeworthy stuff

Obviously it didn't work either, if anything I just pushed him away even further....so yeah don't do what I did,

But anyway, you deserve so much more than him. I get the place that you are in now though, no one will compare to him, you can't stop thinking about him etc etc....you could get thousands of people telling you he's not worth it and you won't be able to listen because you just aren't in that place yet.

But it will get easier, it really really will. Concentrate on yourself and yourself only. NOT HIM. Compared to me and how I was, your doing really well xx

Original poster
Louisarrr · 31/07/2017 08:16

User- I'm so sorry you had a difficult time too,I hope your feeling better now.
The only thing I did (which I regret ) two weeks after he disappeared was wish him happy birthday (could kick myself now)
He lived about 44 mins away but after a long day I knew driving over was starting to get to him.

OP posts:
MummaThree · 31/07/2017 08:19

I think you need to forget about him OP! He isn't worth you feeling hurt over. He made his choice and wants to be with this OW so I'd leave them be, if he wanted to be with you then he would. Move on and avoid any further heartbreak.

You deserve a man who's decent and loves you no matter what, a man who wouldn't even look at any other woman because he has you!
The right man will coming along but for now focus on yourself Flowers

sixinthebedandthelittleonesaid · 31/07/2017 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1487175389 · 31/07/2017 08:23

No! Move on with your life. It can be better than you can imagine it being, just trust in providence.

SuperBeagle · 31/07/2017 08:31

You need to cut all contact with him. Completely sever ties. Block on Facebook/Insta/Snap/block his number etc. Delete conversations. And don't look back.

It'll get easier with time, and there will come a point when you genuinely don't give a shit. But it won't happen if you keep rehashing the past with "what ifs..." and over-analysing your every move/his every move.

user1498556293 · 31/07/2017 08:55

Thank you, I'm fine now - it was about 4 years ago lol - is and well and truly over it. And can totally see sense too :-) so it will get easier. This feeling won't be in your life forever. You will get over it and probably laugh about it in time like I do now. It's just up to you how long you let this be in your life. My mistake was letting it go on for too long. That and making a complete t*t of myself lol

Anatidae · 31/07/2017 08:59

I'm on my own ..again.

The core of your issue. It's better to be single than to be with a cheater, manchild or twat. Until you are happy by yourself you're unlikely to be happy in a relationship.

He's a twat.
Work on enjoying your life as it is you don't need a man to be happy.
Be more picky.
Stop tormenting yourself with why's and if onlys - distance, appearance, all are not relevant here. He's a twat, he had two of you on the go and he will probably do it to the new woman too.

There are decent men out there. Hold out for one of them

LesisMiserable · 31/07/2017 09:41

Also put the driving distance out of your head.DH lived and currently still live an hour away from each other, but we've sustained it just fine...if you want to be with each other the effort it always worth it. His head was turned and he went for it, its no reflection on you and what you offer at all,it never is.

Grooves · 31/07/2017 09:42

You need to let go of the "what ifs" the "shoulda woulda coulda"

I think due to being single for a while you invested a lot into this guy and hoped he'd be the one to change your world around. Unfortunately he wasn't gunna be that guy.

Imagine this - you go shoe shopping, you try on countless shoes, some too big, some too high, some just don't look or feel right! So you buy every pair of shoes you've tried on? Another lady comes in, she tries on the shoes you dislike or werent suitable for you, they look great on her, they're a perfect fit, she buys them and leaves! Men are the shoes! Not every guy you meet is gunna be the perfect fit, he isn't gunna be suitable. That's why you date around, you try guys on for size and see how they scrub up.

Casually date (not the other casual dating) go for meals, see how you feel around them but don't invest until you know for sure, he's gunna be the honest goods.

Swipe left for the next trending thread