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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Would you tell the wife?

65 replies

Mummyof4rugrats · 28/07/2017 02:25

Looking for advice really! Work colleague is having yet another affair with another girl who works in the office (this will be the 3rd other woman in just over a year) the wife found out about affair no.1 as another work colleague gave him an ultimatum! They seemed to patch things up but now (it's only been about 3 months) he's messing around with another 2 women?! He's married (only for a year so far) And he has 2 boys. Would you inform the wife? She has absolutely no clue! I feel completely horrible as I would want to know if it was my OH. worse thing about it is that the other woman knows his history and that seems to make her more keen I just don't understand some people!!

OP posts:

janaus · 28/07/2017 02:51

The wife needs to know.

Original poster

Mummyof4rugrats · 28/07/2017 03:10

I've been told that it's none of my business and to keep quiet but it's so so wrong! She deserves to find someone else and not waste her life on him. Just need to figure out a way to tell her anonymously

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 28/07/2017 03:34

I think she should be told. She's married a serial philanderer. This type would have no compunction about putting her in danger of STIs. And as you say, it's better she find out now, early on, than when they've been married for 20 years.

How to tell her? I'd probably do an anonymous text message or a phone call if I had her phone number. Have someone else leave the message so your voice isn't recognized. Otherwise I guess you're stuck with sending her an anonymous letter in the mail.

namechangeshame12 · 28/07/2017 04:35

Yes, she should, she's married to a fucking idiot. She deserves to know. Would you like to know?

How can you get in contact with her? You'd better have proof also as she might have this tendency even after previous events to believe her DH is a saint

Rainybo · 28/07/2017 04:38

I think you should mind your own business.

rezapeyi · 28/07/2017 04:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

anxiousnow · 28/07/2017 05:09

Yes tell her however i could. Would be great if he could get a warning at work to stop.dicking around too. Yuk.

MissBax · 28/07/2017 05:29

I would tell her, it's not a one off mistake and anyone deserves better than that.

Movingon1611 · 28/07/2017 06:51

As someone who was cheated on, I would want to know as soon as possible.
Forget people saying it's none of your business, this poor woman is having her health endangered, is being made a fool out of and the longer it goes on for the more humiliated she will feel.

Tell her

PurpleDaisies · 28/07/2017 06:56

I don't think telling her anonymously is the right way to go. If you're going to tell her, you need to do it openly as yourself so she can see you're credible and not just a troublemaker.

Are you absolutely certain he's cheating?

TheNaze73 · 28/07/2017 07:02

I don't think you should

chestylarue52 · 28/07/2017 07:08

Just be careful as it could be considered gross misconduct. I would also want to tell her though.

PurpleDaisies · 28/07/2017 07:15

Just be careful as it could be considered gross misconduct.

On what grounds?

GinaFordCortina · 28/07/2017 07:18

I'd say something. I'd tell her who it was with so she could look in to it herself. And I'd probably do it anonymously to not risk my job

schoolgaterebel · 28/07/2017 07:20

Yes, undoubtably she needs to be told ( anonymously if you have to) surprised you even have to ask the question really.

Straycatblue · 28/07/2017 09:01

Situations like this are always complicated and emotive and no-one knows the ins and outs of other peoples relationships.
However there is a chance he's potentially putting her health and her life at risk from stds and from that point alone, of course she should be told so she can make decisions about safe guarding her health in whatever way she chooses (even if she ignores it).

Sadly the person that tells is often made out to be the trouble maker and people (inc the betrayed spouse ) turn against them instead of the real culprit, which is why people tend to do it anonymously.

chips4teaplease · 28/07/2017 09:02

This is so seriously not your business. Keep your nose right out of it.

Original poster

Mummyof4rugrats · 28/07/2017 09:03

I don't have her number and I don't have hard proof that's the problem but if she got hold of his phone she would find lots of evidence, he even made a comment about how he has to be careful around her as so many texts were coming through while he was home can't message her via Facebook as it's work related and it will be brought up with HR. Just praying someone else finds out or he slips up! It's just so wrong. He use to be such a family man and then he had his ego stroked and never looked back

OP posts:

Neverwantedthis · 28/07/2017 09:14

So why ask if you should tell her if you don't have a way to do so?

Original poster

Mummyof4rugrats · 28/07/2017 09:29

Because I hate her not knowing. It's wrong what he's doing on so many levels. I will just have to keep an eye and see if he slips up while at work.

OP posts:

Redbus1030 · 28/07/2017 11:05

This reply has been deleted

The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.

Gogglerox · 28/07/2017 11:42

Create a second Facebook account - really easy to do. Send her an anonymous message but give irrefutable details such as who, where and when if you have them.
That way he cannot deny it or convince her it's a spiteful person making stuff up

user1486956786 · 28/07/2017 11:49

Don't go private. Someone literally posted a few weeks ago how they received an anonymous message saying husband had cheated and it sounded horrendous.

I would want to tell her too but unless you find something really concrete and willing to be available to talk / answer her questions then don't.

Changedname3456 · 28/07/2017 11:53

I'd have wanted to know.

Aridane · 28/07/2017 12:02

Mind your own business- but I will be in a minority saying this

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