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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you tell the wife?

65 replies

Mummyof4rugrats · 28/07/2017 02:25

Looking for advice really! Work colleague is having yet another affair with another girl who works in the office (this will be the 3rd other woman in just over a year) the wife found out about affair no.1 as another work colleague gave him an ultimatum! They seemed to patch things up but now (it's only been about 3 months) he's messing around with another 2 women?! He's married (only for a year so far) And he has 2 boys. Would you inform the wife? She has absolutely no clue! I feel completely horrible as I would want to know if it was my OH. worse thing about it is that the other woman knows his history and that seems to make her more keen Angry I just don't understand some people!!

OP posts:
MrsC2000 · 28/07/2017 15:22

It doesn't sound like his wife is someone you're close to so I don't think it's your place to say anything. I completely agree that he's in the wrong but I don't think it's your responsibility to out him

SweetheartTreacleTart · 28/07/2017 15:26

I would mind my own business, what's to say she won't stay with him anyway and then resent you.

Redbus1030 · 28/07/2017 15:40

This reply has been deleted

The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.

BonnieF · 28/07/2017 16:16

I can't believe some of the stuff I read on this site sometimes.

These people's relationship is absolutely nothing to do with you and none of your business. You don't even know the allegedly wronged woman, ffs!

Keep your interfering nose out of things which don't concern you in any way, stop gossiping and mind you own damned business.

Original poster
Mummyof4rugrats · 28/07/2017 16:46

To be clear, I was just asking for advice on what you would do. I have not stuck my nose in or enjoyed the comments I've had from him hence I told him I was disgusted and that he should end his marriage if he thinks it's okay to behave the way he is. I have completely stepped back from him! Office has had a reshuffle in the last week so we no longer sit within close proximity, thankgod! I'm leaving this thread as I can't be bothered with the bashing! Everyone's entitled to their own opinion.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/07/2017 17:23

OP but all of this that you've posted in your last post you knew when you started this thread. He's no longer in your orbit so why the drama about having to listen to him? You don't - and didn't even if he was a foot away from you.

His marriage is not your business, it's his - and his wife's, nobody else's.

formerbabe · 28/07/2017 17:27

I would mind my own business.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 28/07/2017 17:35

She knows that he has already cheated, so therefore he could cheat again. For some people, ignorance is bliss.
Please don't, it isn't your place, though I know you mean well.

lisatried · 28/07/2017 17:57

Formerbabe and others, if the guy was hitting his wife in the street would you say walk on by just the same? Why is this so different?

GinaFordCortina · 28/07/2017 18:24

lisatried I guess they think risking her health and fertility with fucking around doesn't count as abuse.

MorrisZapp · 28/07/2017 19:11

Violence is illegal, and everybody's business. Cheating is a private matter between the people concerned.

NinonDeLenclos · 28/07/2017 19:55

Much emotional abuse isn't illegal - technically coercive control is now, but it's hard enough to get someone convicted of physical abuse let alone emotional. Ordinary common or garden abuse is not.

One reason that men get away with cheating and abuse is that women are content to turn a blind eye and 'keep their nose clean'.

A friend of my mum married a man who no-one warned her was an abusive cheat, despite it being common knowledge. She only found out when he put her in hospital. What if she had died?

I'd always want some kind soul to take pity on me and let me know. You see women on here, driving themselves demented, suspecting their husbands are cheating, but not knowing for sure. It's a horrible, horrible state to be in.

As are untreated STIs which have long term side effects such as infertility, PID, arthritis if untreated.

SandyY2K · 28/07/2017 20:12

I had a similar situation actually. 2 employees having an affair and he was married.

His wife was suspicious, so he stopped using his personal phone and switched to using the work phone to continue the affair.

Let's just say, he knew it was going to get to his wife and he resigned. I hated how they were sneaking around.

SheSparkles · 29/07/2017 10:03

It's none of your business so keep your nose out.
No one knows what goes on behind closed doors

Bluntness100 · 29/07/2017 10:34

you were one of his dalliances, weren't you, OP?

I suspected this also. Is that why he is bragging to you? Rubbing it in? And why you wish to tell his wife?

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