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Original poster

Would you tell the wife?

65 replies

Mummyof4rugrats · 28/07/2017 02:25

Looking for advice really! Work colleague is having yet another affair with another girl who works in the office (this will be the 3rd other woman in just over a year) the wife found out about affair no.1 as another work colleague gave him an ultimatum! They seemed to patch things up but now (it's only been about 3 months) he's messing around with another 2 women?! He's married (only for a year so far) And he has 2 boys. Would you inform the wife? She has absolutely no clue! I feel completely horrible as I would want to know if it was my OH. worse thing about it is that the other woman knows his history and that seems to make her more keen Angry I just don't understand some people!!

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 28/07/2017 12:12

I would ask management to deal with it. It's not appropriate for the workplace. But no I wouldn't directly tell the wife.

Rinkydinkypink · 28/07/2017 12:13

In this instance yes she should know. She may not believe you etc but don't let her waste good years on her shitty dh.

MorrisZapp · 28/07/2017 12:14

Stay out of it. The 'right' the wife has is the right to expect truth and decency from her husband. She has no 'right' to be given information about her marriage by strangers.

demirose87 · 28/07/2017 12:15

I agree she needs to be told but I don't think it's your place to do it as you're not really involved and could be getting yourself in trouble at work if he's a colleague.

Bluntness100 · 28/07/2017 12:17

Why are you so over invested in this?

No, their marriage is nothing to do with you, you have no right to steam in there and inform her, it's absolutely and utterly none of your business. You don't even know her really.

Original poster
Mummyof4rugrats · 28/07/2017 12:33

Over invested? I was just asking for advice as I have been torn! Been told to tell her and then to mind my own business (which is a fair point & I am trying Too) but when he's bragging about it to me it's kind of sickening and getting me involved. But I shall keep quiet. She found out about the first woman. So she will probably find out about this one in time

OP posts:
demirose87 · 28/07/2017 13:04

She might already know and be turning a blind eye... some people do when they don't want to face facts. Unless she's one of your close friends, I don't see why you're really that bothered.

SandyY2K · 28/07/2017 13:07

You could create a fake FB profile.

Even anonymously, if you said, you know he's had one affair and is having another with x and x, that she should check his phone for evidence, then leave it to her.

SandyY2K · 28/07/2017 13:13

It doesn't matter if the OP knows her or not.

If my DH was cheating, I don't care who tells me. I'd just like to know the truth so I can make an informed decision about my future.

I think some people are so scared and would rather turn a blind eye.

Why wouldn't you want to know? I don't understand the ignorance is bliss in this situation.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/07/2017 13:15

It really isn't your business. You don't have to listen to this man regaling you with tales though. Why are you even listening to them? That smacks of enjoying it a bit to me.

Why aren't you telling his that he's disgusting and you don't want to hear of it ever again?

Oh and if I were 'the wife' I would ignore cowardly anonymous letters and the like. You either feel strongly and decently about it enough to openly tell me who you are and how you know - or you don't count.

Stop discussing this man's marriage/affair with him as a definite though - or are you just getting the information second hand and poking your nose in?

CauliflowerSqueeze · 28/07/2017 13:18

He's bragging to you about it??? What an arse!! What do you say when he does this?

kingfishergreen · 28/07/2017 13:23

If you create a fake fb account, do so with a new email address, not your own. You can search fb by email so the husband could easily find the profile if he suspected it could be you and searched by your email address.

It takes 3 mins to set up a gmail account, ditto a new fb account.

Be aware she may never see the message because messages from non friends go into a special folder that most people don't check regularly. However she may get a notification (due to fb's current drive to get people using messenger, they might send a 'do you want to connect on messenger with X?' notification).

I'd want to know.

scoobydoo1971 · 28/07/2017 13:33

Morally, she should know but you would be best keeping out of it.

His wife may find out, and she already knew about his past cheating...and stayed. One of his affairs may tell her.
You are overstepping professional boundaries. It may put your job in jeopardy if this man complains to the boss that you are harassing his family members with 'false truths'. You have no evidence, and being told something in work that you repeat outside might be construed as a breach of confidentiality.
You tell her, marriage explodes, you still have to see the man over the coffee machine at work...it will make you feel uncomfortable.
Tell the man that you don't approve and don't want to discuss his relationship status. You are both there to work, not talk about sex.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 28/07/2017 13:36

Yes, go to the management and tell them he's onto his 3rd employee in a year.

He's sounds a nasty twat who's deserves everything he gets.

exWifebeginsat40 · 28/07/2017 13:38

you were one of his dalliances, weren't you, OP?

if not, i can't imagine why you would want to discuss a work colleague's out-of-work behaviour with his wife, who is a stranger to you.

bonkers.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 28/07/2017 13:49

Can't you exWife? I know in places I've worked at, if someone is behaving like this, the vast majority of the people would want the wife to know.
And it isn't "out of work behaviour" if everyone in the office knows what's going on.

BeepBeepMOVE · 28/07/2017 13:52

I would send her an anonymous note.

Absolutely hate to think of any woman wasting years of her life on someone like this.

It's polite and I'd want someone to tell me in the same situ.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/07/2017 14:29

Anonymous notes are most definitely NOT polite. How is any person to know whether you're well-meaning or a malicious trouble-causer? I don't understand the sheer cowardice of some, I really don't.

Be a decent person by all means - don't send cowardly, stalkery notes.

IfYouGoDown, if OP does just as you've suggested, with no proof, she should rightly be subject to a disciplinary and would be in our company.

Emboo19 · 28/07/2017 14:32

I'd tell her and I'd tell your boss that he's bragging about it to you and you find it uncomfortable and very inappropriate for a work environment.

GinaFordCortina · 28/07/2017 14:34

if not, i can't imagine why you would want to discuss a work colleague's out-of-work behaviour with his wife, who is a stranger to you.

Well I and several other posters would want to tell her and short of a massive coincidence l, I doubt we've all shagged the guy. I know I haven't.

GinaFordCortina · 28/07/2017 14:35

It's not cowardly to not risk your job either. Some of us have children and ourselves to feed.

NinonDeLenclos · 28/07/2017 14:35

I'd much rather be alerted by an anonymous tip off if I didn't know the person.

It could be malicious, but then it could be if it was made in person.

All she has to do is check his phone.

NinonDeLenclos · 28/07/2017 14:38

Given that you don't know her at all, personally I'd complain to your boss that it's the third affair in a year, you're sick of him bragging about it at work, and it puts everyone in the office in an uncomfortable position.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 28/07/2017 14:39

"With no proof"

How dies she know he's been cheating with 3 different women? If he's talking about it, that's all she needs.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 28/07/2017 14:39

Does