Partners ex making our wedding difficult

[user1498556293]

I don't know if I'm on here for advice but maybe stay just to rant really.

Me and my partner get married next week :-) my partner has a daughter from his last relationship who is 3.

We are getting married in a hotel. We had arranged for partners ex to pick dd up from the hotel between 8 and 9pm. This was going to be great so she gets to experience the full day with us and then she would get picked up and go home with her mum. We know by the time it's 8pm she will be absolutely shattered and ready for home.

However now dps ex has changed that, she wants to pick her up at 5pm. She says this is the way it has to be. Her words were 'why should I spend my night waiting around to pick her up from your wedding, I'm getting her at 5 and that's that.'

So basically dsd is going to miss out on the whole evening reception with a bouncy castle, fireworks, food and cake, the disco - our first dance was going to include her.

Dp doesn't really have any family she could stay with as to be honest he isn't that close too them so the only option is dsd stays with us in the bridal suite on the night of the wedding. Which obviously isn't what we had planned. And it means that one of us will have to leave early to put her to bed.

Dps ex has just recently split with her most recent boyfriend - I think. And ever since then she's just been horrible with us. It's a jealousy thing for sure. She's started putting kisses on the end of texts to my dp. I've never done anything to her and helped her out quite a lot with childcare to be honest. We always have dsd when we are supposed too and more when we can. He pays his maintenance and to be honest, dp is still paying off some of her debt from when they were together :-/

She picked dsd up from us the other day and dp asked if we could have her an extra day so we could get her bridesmaid dress fitted properly. The exs response was (right in front of my face) 'you know her size, you don't need her for that so no you can't have her any extra time' she then literally shoved dsd in her car seat, slammed the car door and drove off. We could see dsd in tears.

I knew she was going to make his difficult for us. I knew she would change the plan we had which worked so perfectly for us. At the end of the dad we will happily have dsd to stay in our room on the night of the wedding and do whatever it takes to make sure she doesn't miss out on anything. It's just so frustrating that the ex is like this.

When we told her the date of the wedding months and months ago she said 'dsd can't go, I've made plans for her that day' lol. Always trying to make things difficult.

Anyway rant over

Ffs, when have I said it's cos she's single?

She's not bloody single now, she's gone back to her ex who's addicted to weed so.....

And yes she is a mother that still needs a social life. Obviously there is nothing wrong with that - we all do. However when you have to constantly change your plans because dh gets a text from her an hour before she's supposed to pick dsd up saying she wants to go out and can she pick dsd up in the morning instead, it can get quite frustrating. Not because we have dsd extra before anyone jumps down my throat. Dh loves extra time with her - we both do. But because she tries to ruin us.
You can think what you like, I have put up with so much sh*t from this women its unreal. I've already said there are things I won't post because it's too specific. There has been more than one occasion where my dh has come back bruised from the drop off because she's hit him.

She does love her daughter. I won't deny that. She does her best. Dsd loves her mummy very much. As mothers we are very different however that doesn't make one of us better than the other.

As a person though, I don't really have many good things to say about her. I never will. However I love my husband and his daughter. I'm prepared to put up with anymore sh*t she throws our way because the love I feel for them well and truly out weighs any stress caused from her. The end

I don't know why half of that has posted in bold by the way....lol

But thank you to everyone's congratulations messages :-) they are much appreciated from us both xxx

I'm glad the wedding went well and Dad got to stay.

It would have been horrid for her when she's old enough to actually discuss the wedding to see that she's not in evening photos with her step siblings and didn't get to be at her dads wedding those step siblings were at their mums iyswim?

I've always said there's a time and place to put your foot down. When it's over children and contact you have to learn at times to smile and wave! The children themselves work it out for themselves in the end. At some point she'll be old enough to recognise the situation when Dad says "mum called and she's busy so your staying here another night". She'll be able to see for herself who happily goes along with the arrangements to make sure Dsd feels happy and loved.

Congratulations to you. I hope you have a wonderful married life. You sound like a lovely person.

Congratulations. You sound like someone who is very in tune with your situation and who loves DSD. Wishing you all the best

So glad to hear that you all had a lovely wedding day and glad it wasn't ruined for you! I wouldn't even bother with the negative posters on this thread, they would start an argument in an empty house. Having been and still in a similar position, I envy your strength and dignity!! X

Aww thanks to everyone who commented with the lovely messages. It definitely wasn't easy but all worth it in the end :-) I know there is various things that are always going to be an issue.

If me and dh ever have a baby, I dread to think how that one may go down but why should we let our happiness be ruined by someone else's jealousy?

A baby isn't on the agenda for this year but possibly next...

Dh always knew about this post on here so we are both very thankful for people's advice, especially the ones telling us to stand our ground x

Just wanted to add a congratulations and that I thought you handled the situation admirably too - I only wish I had that much patience with my exes current partner ----who's being a pain in the arse

This is exactly the type of thing my husbands ex cunt of a wife would do. She's emotionally abused two children into their teens just to spite me and DH. She's still doing it now even though she chose to be NC to the one who lives with us full time. Bitter twisted spiteful bitches like this exist. Sadly there are many of them

Wow. And you say the ex is bitter.,

I hate this nonsense^. Any decent person would pass on the information, especially knowing he needs plenty of notice from his job. You are making it very obvious that you're a jealous, trouble-making ex

couldn't personally give a shit what my ex does. But I'm not his secretary and he can have his own relationship with our children's schools. He can read the website which is updated weekly and the full calendar for the year is up by September without fail. He can also go on their mailing list and text alerts. If he chooses not to do this, it has nothing to do with me, can't force him. Any decent parent would keep themselves informed.

Jane - wow what's the need to come across so angry??

yes he does get the emails if you ready what I put but the systems were down and so was the website!!!!

And well done to you for not giving a shit what your ex does. Congratulations on that one. Unfortunately not everyone is like that....there re constant posts on here about 'ex's' making life difficult. I think you will find it's not an uncommon thing.

And just to be clear my dh is more than 'decent parent'. He's an amazing parent who I think most would agree from reading this post. He could of caved in and had dsd picked up at 5. Which would of ment him having the rest of the night to himself partying/drinking.

But he didn't do that did he? He was prepared to have her (we both were) for the whole night including in our bridal suite. He most likely would of been up in the room from 9.30-10 putting her to bed and missing the last part of the evening. (We know that now as she was absolutely shattered and couldn't of lasted much longer) That in itself shows he's more than a decent parent in my opinion.

OP, I think you've shown remarkable patience towards some of the idiots who seem to have posted on here purely to be awkward.

Congratulations on your marriage, and I wish you and your lovely husband (and family) long-lasting happiness. After all, living happily is the best revenge on an awkward ex.