bf of one year has just revealed he has £15k in debts from breakup with previous girlfriend

[moomoome]

. We have been together about a year and I thought he had some financial difficulty as he was always a bit tight with money but not because he wanted to, he was always just a bit sht most months. I asked to see his bank account and was soooo shocked to find loan and overdraft totalling £15k. He has told me it was debt built p in the last five years with his last girlfriend who always asked him to buy things for her and he couldnt say no. I just have nooo idea what to say or do to help him get it under control. He pays huge amounts of interest just servicing the debts. He is not accruing any more since he left her. I just didnt understand he relationship was getting into. I love him very much. He is a very kind and considerate man. I just dont want it to be like this and I dont know if to stay or leave or what to do really.

Has he spoken to a debt conciliation company? They can reduce the interest and make it manageable to clear it. also keep your money well away from his! His debt he needs to clear it

Kind and considerate and stupid and probably a bit of a doormat would be more accurate.

I couldn't be with someone so financially irresponsible and naive but that's just me.

DO NOT GO TO A DEBT CONSOLIDATION COMPANY!! They will charge him a fortune for things he can do himself. They are letters on the internet, the CAB can help and there are a number of charities that do the same stuff for free. Also he should remember that entering into arrangements to pay off debts can negatively affect his credit rating so he may be better off just increasing the payment he makes each month. Even £50 over the minimum amount each month can dramatically reduce the term involved. Martin Lewis always says look at what the very first minimum payment was and keep paying that each month.

Agree with Shatners, but I'm a bit hard- headed about money where men are concerned. I learnt valuable lessons about this in my twenties.

Get him to contact stepchange. He needs to pay this off and learn to live within his means.

Please do support him but make sure he knows that he must take responsibility for this.

Could he move the debt onto 0% credit cards? There are free debt advice charities he could ring they would be a good starting point.

Can he pick up extra work to pay the debt off quicker?

Stepchange would be able to renegotiate so the interest is frozen and he can start to pay off the capital. They are a charity so don't charge fees. However if he couldn't say no to his ex I think I'd be concerned about his will to manage finances.

He should give step change a call. They may be able to assist with getting interest stopped so the debt can actually be reduced quickly.

But really? He's blaming an ex girlfriend? She may have asked for things but he was the one who ran up the debt buying it. Either it was her responsibility (at which point it was fraudulent and needs reporting as such) or it is his debt and his lack of personal responsibility for it would be more of a red flag for me than the issue of debt in the first place.

Yes , he must acknowledge that this debt is his fault. That's incredibly important.

Most of us have debts at some point and to say "I've fucked up and need to fix this" must happen in order to move forward.

Ok Op, Time to remove the 'loved up' head and screw on the 'rational thinking, if this were another MNer posting thread' head. Do not believe for a second that this debt was acrued because he is such a nice guy he just couldn't say no to his ex. There is a high probability that at least as half of that spending was his own. If you choose to believe any different you are a mug. He has already kept it from you for a year. He already has form for being secretive about money with you. Remember that going forward.

Red flag for me too.

Also you talk about what you could do to help him get it under control. NO. This is his issue. he needs to resolve it. I would be very wary of doing anything other than suggesting he go to Stephange or CAB.

Then sit back and watch very carefully what he does. If he does nothing think about whether that is someone you want to be with.

Tell him to contact Stepchange for help.

If the debt isn't building up again it could be true, but most people who get into debt lie about it.

My XH blamed it all on his fathers death and his business failing but proceeded to get into debt over and over. I cleared it all but after we split he got into debt again.

Your DP needs to face it and deal with it.

Debt relief order is something to consider.

Run like hell.

I know someone like this. He was going out with an older lady and basically tried to impress her etc. and she was forever setting expectations. They split up, leaving him with the debt. He has come to terms with it and is putting life back together. He is absolutely lovely...

I'm afraid I'd split with him. Who wants £15k of debt to worry about? He's not telling you the full story, he didn't accrue £15k debt because he 'couldnt say no ' to his gf. He hasn't been honest and he's financially incompetent.. Dump this one.

Jesses Lovely, perhaps, but also foolish and naive. Not good qualities.

2014 Quite. Apart from my mortgage, I've never had any other debt, and I only earn £20k a year. I don't expect anyone I date not to have a bit of reasonable debt such as car payments, but living mostly within your means and being financially sensible seems to me to be a pretty important quality in a partner.

Why did you ask to take a look at his bank account?

It's not your debt and you've only been together a year, so you probably aren't looking to move in together yet - which is when it could become problematic for you.

Suggest he go to his bank/other debt organisations to discuss how to reduce his debt - get proper advice. Him being tight now is a good thing - perhaps you can show him he doesn't need to spend money on his current GF.

A fool & their money are easily parted....

He needs his head examining as to why he's tried to buy love previously.

I couldn't be with someone so financially irresponsible

Sounds like my dh.

We kept our finances separate until he was back on track.

He went to the bank to have charges stopped and made a proper repayment plan with them. He worked overtime to pay off credit cards. I never subbed him.

Hmmm I'm going to go against the grain here and say that these situations happen. It happened with me. Although mine is due to my ex being a lazy layabout who gave up work after we got a mortgage and i was trying to keep us going working two jobs and I'm still paying debt off 7 years on.

This doesn't make him irresponsible or stupid. It makes him human and that he wanted to make his ex happy. Maybe he was keeping his head above water for a long time and didn't feel like he could talk to anyone about it.

My credit score is climbing every month now and I wouldn't have been able to do it without the emotional support of my DP.

Could he maybe consolidate the debts or contact the creditors to agree a monthly agreement?

This is not the end of the world and there is no reason it has to be the end of your relationship.

I fucked up with debt when I was younger. It was because of naivety and not really knowing how to budget. I remember being really scared of telling me ex, although actually he was supportive. He encouraged me to get help and we split for other reasons.

I contacted Stepchange and they were great. Your boyfriend should definitely talk to them as they will go through his options with him and can negotiate with creditors to lower repayments and freeze interest if need be - this will destroy his credit rating but will at least get him out of debt. As he is able to afford to service it now it might be worth looking at the moneysaving expert website for tip on how to live more cheaply so he can pay his debt back more quickly and not damage his credit rating.

Going forward I think you need to see if you believe he is committed to repaying the debt and whether or not he has learned his lesson. Is he responsible with money now?

I wouldn't personally split over this. Many years ago I got into a spiral of debt. I don't blame anyone but myself. It's easily done and it's very embarrassing. Given that he's now had the courage to disclose this you could help him make a plan to pay it back, cut his outgoings etc and start getting on top of it. He's probably been burying his head in the sand, I did. I didn't tell my ex about my debt because I knew he'd be disgusted with me. It was run up before we met. I thought he'd think I was stupid. I managed to sort it out myself and by the time I did tell him it was nearly gone. He still did call me stupid etc. Bastard

thank you all for the replies. yes he is responsible with money. his ex was very narcy and very often insisted he buy her things like dresses and holidays and meals out etc. she used a lot of blackmail on him to get these things. he tried his best to keep her happy. In the end he left her as he just couldnt do it.

When I left my marriage I was over 20k in debt, ex was abusive, including financially, and refused to pay any bills plus insisting I buy him expensive things. As soon as I escaped, sorting out my money was the most important thing I did, as well as the most difficult. The anxiety over it was crippling. But I cleared it, by myself, without getting help (as i was embarrassed). I know I'll never get in that situation again. Please don't get involved in helping him pay it off or doing it all for him, if he really wants to sort it he needs to do it for himself.

Incidentally my ex repeatedly got himself into huge amounts of debt and kept getting bailed out. This has gone on for years. He's now in debt again apparently and living off the new wife, poor woman.