Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Make up on shirt

96 replies

deniselydiablack · 23/07/2017 11:14

Bit of history to not drip feed: Me and DP have been together for over 6 years, we've got 3 DDs and we have been really happy, have a great connection, sex life is good and we enjoy each others company usually and argue very little. Kids have brought the usual stresses and strains, no sleep and not sitting down together and talking very often. I'm also a SAHM now because he earns ££ and also recently had a pay rise, I was a TA but got made redundant so he agreed it was for the best and he would support until I found something I wanted to do.

I've noticed over the last 6 months while I've been at home he's been distant, not doing little things etc so I mentioned it and he said it's just that we don't get time to spend together. I started feeling a bit suspicious, not sure where it came from but when checking the washing I looked at his shirts and saw foundation on the arm and lipstick on the bottom half which were not mine! I didn't say anything and waited for the next ones to see if there's more, there have been 3 more with foundation on collar/arm and glitter lipgloss on the bottom half. I'm finding it hard to believe it's innocent but trying. Thinking back, he's been working late and he's also mentioning a female colleage a lot who he does have to work with closely. I've tried to wait it out and see if there's anything else before accusing him because I know he will deny it. I was a bit off with him but didn't say why and he bought me flowers home from work.

I looked at his phone (which I have never done) and saw usual work messages with this person but also I started to type the name in the search box to find phone entries and a search had been done for her. Now I think it's because he's tried to search to delete the entries as there are only 2 and I know there should be more calls than that, they work together so closely. I also found a memo which said 'DELETE' like a reminder to cover tracks? But this could have been for anything! I hate this! What do you think? Help!

OP posts:
Alfiemoon1 · 23/07/2017 18:22

We've been together 22 years so don't want to throw it all away just on suspicions so although I may sound crazy I need to see those messages this has been going on for nearly a year we argue then make up and things to better than they have ever been making time for each other etc then it flares up again when I find out he's been back in contact but deleted the messages can't keep going round in circles

Hallomiaddicted · 23/07/2017 18:38

I think you should wait outside his work or go around lunchtime

No1special · 23/07/2017 18:39

OP have you gone into the "archive" section of Whatsapp as well? When on the main "Chat" page, swipedown from top to bottom once or twice and you'll be able to see anything that's been put there.

Alfiemoon1 · 23/07/2017 18:43

I've just tried that on my phone and it's only brought up 1 message. Will try it on dh if not I have his USB to will plug up to the computer. Sorry i seem to have hijacked the op post

Jesterstolehisthornycrown1 · 23/07/2017 22:20

If there's nothing on that phone do you think he might have a 2nd phone?

Alfiemoon1 · 23/07/2017 22:28

No he doesn't it's a new phone so as he dropped his old one I've put the sim in etc and ow name not on the contacts ??? She was had to reinstall WhatsApp but not showing anything will plug up to the computer to see if I can get the deleted messages from there.

janaus · 23/07/2017 22:30

Take photos of any lipstick marks, so he can't brush it off

Puffpaw · 23/07/2017 22:39

Might be prostitues not an affair?

Parttimesuperhero · 23/07/2017 22:51

In WhatsApp if you hold & pull down (flick the screen down) in the 'Chats' section all archived/hidden messages will appear.
Hoping it's not what you think it is OP x

Parttimesuperhero · 23/07/2017 22:54

D'oh just seen this has already been mentioned Confused

marciagetscreamed · 23/07/2017 23:04

You can do all of these things OP, and try to catch him, but you know he is cheating. I'm sorry.

Alfiemoon1 · 24/07/2017 19:36

Hope u are ok op x

deniselydiablack · 25/07/2017 11:10

Yes thanks Alfie, nothing new last night, no make up on his shirt, home on time and nothing obvious/deleted or even suspicious on his phone. The wait continues, will let you know. How did you get on?

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 25/07/2017 15:15

He knows you're onto him so he's probably not meeting her for the time being or just being very careful.

What are you going to do about it? Flowers

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 25/07/2017 15:57

Or she's on her period.

deniselydiablack · 26/07/2017 11:17

Maybe, yes. I'm going to carry on acting normal and see what I can find, think it might take a while :(

OP posts:
NormaNameChange · 26/07/2017 11:51

Im sorry this is happening, OP but when there's this level of disrust, is there any point in continuing the relationship? If you're resotting to checking phones, examining clothes for make-up, someone even suggested a VAR on his car? I'm not sure I could continue if I was so lacking in trust. Either you're going to find evidence (and be devasted) or you're not and will tie yourself in knots wondering how hes hiding it and that is no way to live Flowers

hellsbellsmelons · 26/07/2017 11:51

Not sure if it's the same on android phones but on an iphone. If you go to settings and then battery.
You wait a few seconds and scroll down and it shows you what is used the most. So the usage.
So at the top it might say whatsapp with a usage of 30%
So then you know that whatsapp has been used a lot.
So if there's no messages then they have been deleted etc...

jeaux90 · 26/07/2017 12:24

Another theory here. He has been going to strip clubs. Having been to a couple myself (I'm a woman and no I didn't like it but was curious) that makeup transfer could happen during a private dance.

AnaViaSalamanca · 26/07/2017 21:02

Hi OP, do you yourself have an iphone? If so leave it in his car by mistake and then use find my iphone to see where he goes.

Also another possibility is that people putting on foundation and tinted sunscreen on their arms so he could have brushed against someone a couple of times. I know it is a stretch, but could be innocent too.

Makemineacabsauv · 26/07/2017 21:51

Sort yourself out financially if you can. If everything is ok then it's a holiday fund but it sounds like you might need it. Every time I went to the supermarket I took £50 cashback and opened a secret account in dds name. When we eventually went to court all that showed up was spending in supermarkets and no one expected me to keep the receipt. I just cut back on what we were eating to cover the extra. No one noticed and I saved a few grand. Also get all official documents, passports, birth certificates and house deeds/mortgage if you can. Then start following g him/checking the phone or whatever you need to do. Stay strong and good luck.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page