Sexually incompatible - can it last?

[Parttimesuperhero]

Me & my husband have been sexually incompatible for the most of our relationship.
I have the lower sex drive than him and would say at most I feel the urge twice a month which I believe is mainly hormone related.
He however has nagged me the whole of our life together to change my mindset and be more enthusiastic about it. I get that this would be frustrating for him but at the same time I can't just magically create a different sex drive.
We've also been together for 18 years so the familiarity is also relevant.

Given the above, there are many times when we've had sex to satisfy his needs. Again this isn't as often as he would like and I'm just doing it to tick the box for him so we have got by. I'll also wear stockings & suspended occasionally when he asks because that's a thing for him so I have put in effort over the years.
However, the cracks are starting to show following 3 kids together and a one night stand (by him) last year.

Can a long term relationship last given the incompatibility?

I've felt nothing but nagged most of the time & I can see he feels nothing but frustrated.
He is so intense about the subject and I hate the magnifying glass he constantly puts on it.
Add to that being groped at and a daily running commentary on what he wishes I would wear (skirts/dresses/heels - anything to show a bit of leg or butt - Seriously for what feels like the past 18 years daily!!)
I see no effort on his part to lower his drive but he equates that with no intimacy in the marriage. He says he would love a woman who instigates sex. The problem for him is he wants me to want it but I just don't.
I am pretty fed up with a problem that never goes away

The short answer is to seperate as neither of you really getting what you need.

You dont deserve to be pestered. He doenst deserve to be sexually frustrated.

I get the impression that even if he was sweetness and light you would still be happy with twice a month.

I agree, similar situation though roles reversed. I've given up. Just need to stick it out until the kids are older and we can support two homes.

If neither partner is happy, what's the point in continuing? Excepting the above of course!

He is a sex pest and a cheat. .

Why would you want to keep him?

It just seems a bit severe to separate a family up based on the pursuit of personal pleasure.
It's not like he's sex starved but he seems to want to push for more which is fair enough if that's where your drive is at. If we split he would get his sex drive satisfied but at what cost?
Seeing his kids half of the time & financially being worse off - seems a shame to me especially given we still love each other.

Imagine being constantly thirsty or hungry and knowing that feeling will never go away, ever.
It really does/can cause problems. So no, it wouldn't be a silly thing to split up over. Unless you are happy to have an open relationship?

An open relationship might work? how long til the kids leave home?

Its a big thing to lose your family, that's true. I suppose reducing it to "personal pleasure" does make it seem the height of selfishness.

And I ignoring the infidelity which will happen again.

Sex isn't just personal pleasure though

Sex is intimacy and being close with your partner

I'm honestly not sure how you've been together this long with such mismatched sex drives

It's not ok for him to be grumpy or nag you into sex

Have you actually considered an open marriage? It would allow him to have sex more frequently than you want to and may make you closer

Is your husband unhappy in the marriage? If you can't give him what he needs, do you think he should just suck it up and continue living an unhappy existence.

Urghhhh he sounds like a sex pest! Sounds awful OP, nothing worse than being pestered for sex, how un sexy/ romantic

TBH being married to someone who does not desire you sounds worse.

He is unhappy. He cheated because he wanted to feel wanted. I do want him, I love him very much. I don't think that means I should want to have sex every time he does. My baby is 7 weeks old and although I've given him oral sex twice since he was born he is asking when we can have sex again. It just feels like here we go again.
I know it's wrong but breastfeeding a baby and caring for 2 kids on top of the start of the nagging makes me feel like 'who else wants a piece of me'.

He sounds like a prick to me. Did he cheat before you got pregnant or after?

Oh God, 7 weeks? He sounds awful.

I fell pg at around the same time he cheated.
I wouldn't be up for being in an open relationship mainly because I wouldn't want to put my health at risk but also because it feels like he would be having the best of both worlds. Either you choose to settle with family & all that entails (sleepless nights & a sex life interrupted by kids) which eventually you come out the other end of as a team or you're single and able to mingle.
I don't get to do both & wouldn't want to so should he?

No. It's ridiculous. To he honest he is lucky you stayed with him.

Shagging someone else and you at the same time probably with zero
Consideration for your sexual health. What a tosser.

But its not reAlly about the now. Its about the fact 2,5,10 years down the line sex once or twice a month will still be fine for you. Its not fine for him. He will cheat again.
Its about the fact that you have always been sexually incompatible and he behaves appallingly badly with it. That wont change, even when your children are teenagers.

Were you always like this, even at the beginning of your relationship op?

Its ridiculous that he is pestering for sex if you have a 7 week old! But 18 years of this sounds awful as well. Has it always been this way?

I feel exactly as you do, I thought it was a phase but it was not

Have you and your husband talked about divorcing, either before or after the cheating? Why hasn't he left the marriage?

Ask him if he is ok with the idea of seeing the kids 4 days in every 14. That's the reality. Like you say, seems a big price to pay for more sex.

I wasn't always like this - I enjoyed sex regularly in the early days but I do remember him even then pestering for more.
I thought kids did this to a relationship in the early years which makes me think we should def split.
I'd be interested to know how often anyone else with young kids has sex?
We are still youngish and I wouldn't want to miss out on a more fulfilling life for us both if I'm denying him of this.

! Sounds awful OP, nothing worse than being pestered for sex, how un sexy/ romanticsad

While I sort of agree (and ignoring the new baby, as it sounds like that isn't really making a difference to the situation) feeling unwanted, unloved, and as if your partner only sees you as a friend/sperm do we is a pretty unpleasant way of life as well.