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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He wants to be friends with benefits, even though he has a gf!!

76 replies

Jane97 · 18/07/2017 02:22

I was introduced to this guy recently and we've been talking alot over whatsapp. I knew he had a girlfiend because the person who introduced us told me, she said she thought we would get along and have a laugh and be friends and that would be it. The messages then turned very flirty and sexual on both ends. He always said it would be a frienda with benefits type thing as he was not happy with his girlfriend who he has been with a long time. He was supposed to come over to my house, but i turned him down because i said i wouldnt be able to live with the fact knowing he had a girlfriend. He asked me if he could change my mind and i said i didnt know. He thinks im just using that as an excuse and that we would only be having fun and lifes to short to live with regrets and i shod take the oppurtunity when it comes. I was proud of myself for initally saying no but now im having 2nd thoughts and now thinking he may be right, he said he likes me and i like him. And hes always been upfront about only wanting to be friends with benefits. What should i do? Should i live for myself and have fun with a guy i like? Or should i stay well away?? (Just to be clear i know how im feeling is wrong and i should probably stick with my first choice, i just need to hear more opinions) p.s sorry for the lengthy post !!

OP posts:
CremeFresh · 18/07/2017 02:26

You need to stay away .

CremeFresh · 18/07/2017 02:27

I think the fact that you have to ask suggests that you won't though .

Jane97 · 18/07/2017 02:30

I know i should stay away i just needed to hear it from somebody else because i was driving myself crazy.

OP posts:
Rinkydinkypink · 18/07/2017 02:59

Don't go their! Stay clear. He's manipulating you. Yes you do have one life. Live it with a clear conscience and be a good person!

He sounds very sleezy. You won't be the only one op. He'll have others. Men like him do I'm afraid.

LellyMcKelly · 18/07/2017 03:31

If life is so short why is he staying with his girlfriend if he's so unhappy with her? This man is a lousy two timing cheat who wants to have his cake and eat it. You do have one life so don't waste it on this loser.

CluelessMummy · 18/07/2017 03:44

So he's made it clear to you that he wants you just for "fun" and has no intention of breaking up with his girlfriend? I'd be insulted! Stay well away.

yourerubberimglue · 18/07/2017 03:55

You shouldn't have flirted in the first place. It wouldn't be FwB it would be an affair/cheating .... you wouldn't be a FWB you would be the Ow .... he doesn't even respect you- if he's unhappy with his gf he should leave her.

Jellybellyqueen · 18/07/2017 04:49

His morals are disgusting. Looking for a fwb while still with his gf? Does she know she's going out with such a douchebag? Don't get dragged down to his level.

RainyApril · 18/07/2017 05:04

'Life's too short' for his poor girlfriend to waste years of her life on this cheating scumbag.

If he's unhappy with her, why is he wasting his time and hers?

NurseButtercup · 18/07/2017 05:25

If you truly want a fwb at the very least find someone who isn't already in a relationship. Tell him to jog on then block and delete his number.

SleightOfHand · 18/07/2017 06:32

He's very low, don't go down there with him. Why the heck does he have a girlfriend in the first place! If all he wants to do is shag around, why doesn't he just do that, the mind boggles, morals of an alley cat he has.

AnyFucker · 18/07/2017 06:33

Are you so desperate ?

Alittlepotofrosie · 18/07/2017 06:34

You're already having an emotional affair. Get some self respect.

Anasnake · 18/07/2017 06:35

What a sleaze

RubaDubMum89 · 18/07/2017 06:38

To be honest, you crossed a line when you started flirting with him etc knowing he had a gf. The fact you knew he had a gf right from the start should of prevented you from interacting with him in this way.

It's not just his morals that are lacking OP, I think yours are too. Put yourself in his gfs shoes, if you were her and saw the messages you'd been sending to him, how would you feel? Hmm

bloodymaria · 18/07/2017 07:02
Biscuit

Don't be a tit.

stumblymonkeyagain · 18/07/2017 07:04

He's not unhappy with his girlfriend. That's just a line so that he can use you for sex.

You need to find some self-respect. Yours are not the actions of someone with a good level of self respect and esteem.

He just wants a masturbation aid and right now that's what you're giving him. Walk away. Delete and block him.

greendale17 · 18/07/2017 07:08

Get some self respect and stay away from a man that is already taken

pigeondujour · 18/07/2017 07:16

I'd find it a bit weird frankly if my friend went out her way to introduce me to a guy that had a girlfriend because "she thought we'd get on". Anyway, I'm sure she'll be equally 'proud of you for saying no' when she finds those heavily sexual messages. Poor woman.

LurkingFather · 18/07/2017 07:18

Sounds like he knows how to exploit and manipulate your lack of self esteem.

Just don't.

ColossalKalamari · 18/07/2017 07:19

You've already crossed the line flirting with him. Yes it's him cheating on his gf but you aren't much better than him at this stage since you know she exists and you're doing it anyway

Jellybean85 · 18/07/2017 07:20

Don't do it. You'll both end up hurt, I've been the gf in this situation, he was lovely at home and we were planning our future.

If he wasn't happy at home he'd leave he just wants a bit on the side.

I'm totally not against fwb situations at all between two adults who just want the same thing but that's not what this is, stay away op he's definitely trouble

0ccamsRazor · 18/07/2017 07:21

Really Op?

Why would you consider such a thing?

Gemini69 · 18/07/2017 07:23

this guy is a pure Creep... how many other 'Friends with Benefits' does he have on the go on his whatsapp dating service...

Morals of an alleycat x

TheNaze73 · 18/07/2017 07:25

You'll be one of many.