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Original poster

He wants to be friends with benefits, even though he has a gf!!

76 replies

Jane97 · 18/07/2017 02:22

I was introduced to this guy recently and we've been talking alot over whatsapp. I knew he had a girlfiend because the person who introduced us told me, she said she thought we would get along and have a laugh and be friends and that would be it. The messages then turned very flirty and sexual on both ends. He always said it would be a frienda with benefits type thing as he was not happy with his girlfriend who he has been with a long time. He was supposed to come over to my house, but i turned him down because i said i wouldnt be able to live with the fact knowing he had a girlfriend. He asked me if he could change my mind and i said i didnt know. He thinks im just using that as an excuse and that we would only be having fun and lifes to short to live with regrets and i shod take the oppurtunity when it comes. I was proud of myself for initally saying no but now im having 2nd thoughts and now thinking he may be right, he said he likes me and i like him. And hes always been upfront about only wanting to be friends with benefits. What should i do? Should i live for myself and have fun with a guy i like? Or should i stay well away?? (Just to be clear i know how im feeling is wrong and i should probably stick with my first choice, i just need to hear more opinions) p.s sorry for the lengthy post !!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/07/2017 09:33

Where has op gone ?

Applebloom · 18/07/2017 09:35

What about his gf is she happy for him to have a fwb?
Maybe you should ask her her opinion too on the situation! she deserves some input to her sexual health.
If she's happy to share sure great stuff Hmm

Let me guess he doesn't want her to know and he doesn't want to split up with her cos he's a big lying cheater and wants sex on tap with you when it suits him.

He's a catch alright!

user1488575338 · 18/07/2017 09:36

He wants you as his side chick..... how insulting. Don't be the girl who is good enough to shag but not to date.

chips4teaplease · 18/07/2017 09:42

Jane 97
Listen to the voice of an old woman. They're all like that. There isn't one of them that wouldn't like to carry on with their normal life with wife/partner and yet have one or more shags on the side. All the women on MN who say 'my dh would never be unfaithful' - they're wrong. He'd never be unfaithful until he wanted to/had the opportunity.
So your choice is, take the shag, or not.
I don't take the shag of the married. That's my choice. It's a final, once and for all, no matter how attractive he is, decision. Therefore I miss out. Because the shagger goes on to the next woman without a second thought.
Up to you, OP. Do you want to be the shag on the side, or not?

WonderLime · 18/07/2017 09:45

Lucky you! You've found yourself a guy who thinks you are worth nothing more than a cheap shag. You must feel flattered. Usually in these stories the OP at least gets the 'I'll leave my GF for you" line, but you're not even worth that.

Seriously, your self esteem is already poor - don't let it get battered even further by engaging with this. Block his number and meet someone SINGLE with a shred of decency.

WonderLime · 18/07/2017 09:48

They're all like that. There isn't one of them that wouldn't like to carry on with their normal life with wife/partner and yet have one or more shags on the side.

What horrid, sexist drivel. One of 'them'? Congratulations on generalising and dehumanising 50% of the population.

No, not all of 'them' are like that. Find yourself a decent one instead OP.

Girty999 · 18/07/2017 09:51

Makes me wonder why the friend introduced you knowing he had a gf, just my opinion but he will use you for sex whilst still having the safety of a gf, tell him to jog on, you can do better than be a secret x

Underthemoonlight · 18/07/2017 09:51

This has got to be a wind up

chips4teaplease · 18/07/2017 10:10

What horrid, sexist drivel

No, just a happy and healthily realistic view of half the human race. And I haven't started on the women yet.

Barbaro · 18/07/2017 10:17

AnyFucker probably off shagging the guy.

user1490465531 · 18/07/2017 10:24

that's a bit mean barbaro op knows deep down its wrong that's why she posted here sadly when so many men act like this now some women feel they have to accept this as that's all there is there are decent men out there but depressingly few and far between.

XJerseyGirlX · 18/07/2017 10:27

I agree, you both sound like your made for each other. Neither of you have any morals and OP what on earth would attract you to a guy who cheats on his partner?

Isetan · 18/07/2017 10:32

I cant be doing with this disingenuous bullshit, sleep with him, don't sleep with him but you're fooling no one with your 'living with myself' crap. Why did you turn down this charmer in the first place? If all it takes is the bullshitting of a sleaze to sow the seeds of doubt, I doubt very much that 'living with yourself', given that you've already been sexting him, is a big as obstacle you think is.

massi71 · 18/07/2017 10:39

You are nasty

He's a sleazebucket but how are you any different?

Get some morals and standards girl!

Justgivemesomepeace · 18/07/2017 10:48

Why have you put yourself in this situation. You chose to start messaging a man with a girlfriend 'for a laugh and be friend's.' Yeah right. You knew what you were doing and where it may lead. Pack it in.

dailydance · 18/07/2017 10:53

You deserve whatever you get

Adora10 · 18/07/2017 10:58

Eeeeeew, you really must be desperate and not fussy for being sloppy seconds, find your worth OP; he's offering you nothing, he just want a hole, any hole, and you'll do.

PortiaCastis · 18/07/2017 10:59

Jeez do not loose your knickers and self respect for a selfish twat who wants to put his cock in everyone

RhubardGin · 18/07/2017 12:11

You even have to ask?

Don't be that girl.

However as you've already sent sexual messages to a guy who has a girlfriend it's pretty obvious your morals are pretty loose.

And friends introduced you as they thought you would have a laugh? Really?

Hmm
RubaDubMum89 · 18/07/2017 12:17

OPs not coming back is she...

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 18/07/2017 12:26

So many men like this unfortunately.

I'm on a social media platform that people go on for dating but also to make friends. My profile states I'm married and want friends only.

A few nice ladies and men have been chatting about tV/ current affairs but lots try and initiate sexual talk and even ask to meet up. When I state I'm married again they all pretty much say it's ok (obviously it isn't).

How happy are you in being used to just be fucked? How happy are you to deal with potentially losing mutual friends if the girlfriend finds out? How are you prepared for if you fall for him but he clearly doesn't fall for you?

If he doesn't love his girlfriend he should break up with her. How he's behaving is truly quite manipulative.

Even if he was quite a loose, only one life type person your initial no should've been met with an OK then. But he's pestering because he's desperate for someone he can fuck without having to be nice to the rest of the time.

Honestly I'd cut all ties as going back to friends now will be awkward.

Sorry for the epic reply. I thought I'd comment something other than a character assassination.

user1498328475 · 18/07/2017 18:10

Really?!!! You are clearly going to shag this bloke after putting up token moral resistance. Fuck what he wants, what are you looking for?

Grooves · 23/07/2017 19:39

How rude.

You shouldn't be talking to someone with a gf, that's so wrong.

I can't stand lasses that have no respect for other lasses, I appreciate you don't know her but you need to put yourself in her position. He's more in the wrong than you, but you should still have the respect to say "nah, get lost"

Regardless of how unhappy he is (might be/might not be) don't get involved, I'm sure you can find a single guy with no baggage.

Messelina · 23/07/2017 21:24

If he was really unhappy with his gf, he would leave her. Seducing other women is his hobby, I'm afraid.

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 23/07/2017 21:28

This has to be a joke the op knows the response wont be good what a prick this guy is if he isnt happy he should kindly break it off with his gf before entertaining any tart that comes his way sorry op but ur that tart here ur putty in his sleazy little hands haha cant believe ud be so niave