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Relationships

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Original poster

He wants to be friends with benefits, even though he has a gf!!

76 replies

Jane97 · 18/07/2017 02:22

I was introduced to this guy recently and we've been talking alot over whatsapp. I knew he had a girlfiend because the person who introduced us told me, she said she thought we would get along and have a laugh and be friends and that would be it. The messages then turned very flirty and sexual on both ends. He always said it would be a frienda with benefits type thing as he was not happy with his girlfriend who he has been with a long time. He was supposed to come over to my house, but i turned him down because i said i wouldnt be able to live with the fact knowing he had a girlfriend. He asked me if he could change my mind and i said i didnt know. He thinks im just using that as an excuse and that we would only be having fun and lifes to short to live with regrets and i shod take the oppurtunity when it comes. I was proud of myself for initally saying no but now im having 2nd thoughts and now thinking he may be right, he said he likes me and i like him. And hes always been upfront about only wanting to be friends with benefits. What should i do? Should i live for myself and have fun with a guy i like? Or should i stay well away?? (Just to be clear i know how im feeling is wrong and i should probably stick with my first choice, i just need to hear more opinions) p.s sorry for the lengthy post !!

OP posts:

FanjoForTheMammaries · 18/07/2017 07:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Girlywurly · 18/07/2017 07:34

What's in it for you? It'll inevitably reduce your self-esteem as you'll have to come to terms with what you're doing to the girlfriend. If you want no-strings sex, why not look elsewhere? It's not exactly difficult to find.

Btw, I was offered a similar arrangement recently. It's highly insulting. You should be very, very angry.

AdalindSchade · 18/07/2017 07:37

I think you should be very insulted that he thinks that's all you're worth and tell him to fuck right off

FrankieTheMouse · 18/07/2017 07:39

Never understood how someone can shag a guy who's in a relationship and not feel v. guilty about it. The "he's the one in a relationship, he's breaking his promise, she's not doing anything wrong" attitude some women take to men cheating is bollocks. That's like knowingly buying a stolen smartphone and saying "well, I didn't steal it did I?".

OP, you'd be very selfish to do this.

user1497557435 · 18/07/2017 07:53

Value yourself more than this.

Barbaro · 18/07/2017 08:04

Let's face it, you're going to ignore us because he can easily talk you into sleeping with him because you're already half convinced by him.

So you can go and be the other woman to a man who doesn't give one damn about you and thinks of you as basically an object to put his dick in, or you could have some self respect, stop talking to him and find a guy that actually thinks of you as a person.

But we all know which option you're going to choose.

user1490465531 · 18/07/2017 08:23

I was offered the same by a creepy ex I found it deeply insulting like I wasn't good enough to be his GF but I was ok for a bit on the side.
I told him to fuck off.
Honestly op you are worth more than this set the bar higher.

demirose87 · 18/07/2017 08:32

You're not friends with benefits, you are someone he wants to shag behind his girlfriend's back. He is planning on using you for sex while he keeps his girlfriend. He has zero respect for both of you. Don't lower yourself.

flumpybear · 18/07/2017 08:34

He's feeding you a line, sounds like it's probably not the first time - you have two options, 1 being used for sex and don't expect either any respect or exclusivity
2 turn him down as even if you're ever the girlfriend you can't ever trust him

What's with the friend introducing you two ffs - who does that?! Is she his pimp!!
Personally, wouldn't touch him with a barge pole

Auspiciouspanda · 18/07/2017 08:37

You aren't friends with benefits, you're a side chick. If you're going to take that place know your place.

RedStripeIassie · 18/07/2017 09:03

Yuk, he sounds like a grubby little fucker who thinks he's entitled to any shag he wants. Do you really want to fuck a man who has so little respect for women?

MyPepper · 18/07/2017 09:07

Ok he won't be a fwb.
He would be a cheater who has with no respect for his gf (so do you think he will have some for you??)
This will make you the OW and part of a situation where a woman is going to be hurt, badly hurt.

Look at it from that angle. Are you willing to be the OW? Are you willing to have a relationhiso of some sort with a cheater?

Wooooo · 18/07/2017 09:11

To be honest it sounds as though neither of you has a moral compass.

anxiousnow · 18/07/2017 09:11

Why did your friend introduce You? Does she think you were the type to fuck around behind his gf's back too. Why do you, your friend and him all think so little of you and his gf?
Sorry but everyone sounds wrong in this situation. You shouldn't be texting let alone meeting up. I think you need to cut contact and have some time out working on your self esteem and boundaries.

Questioningeverything · 18/07/2017 09:11

Ew. Gross. How low is your self esteem that you'd even entertain this creep???

Katiekatie37 · 18/07/2017 09:13

Why would you start messaging someone "for fun" who you know has a girlfriend ..... morals?

Collidascope · 18/07/2017 09:14

He sounds like a great guy and you don't sound at all desperate, Jane. Go for it. He's not by any chance called Mr Rochester, is he?

Peanutbuttercheese · 18/07/2017 09:17

Why do you think so little of yourself that when a man basically says hey I want to use you for sex only and your not worth a relationship you contemplate it.

He is actual scum by the way and has sniffed out your vulnerability.

MrsMotherHen · 18/07/2017 09:18

your morals are disgusting! you know he has a girlfriend but your as good as having an emotional affair as it is.

Think if the shoe was on the other foot. How would you feel if you were the girl friend and found all this out? What goes around comes around i say.

Get some self respect and find someone single to have "some fun with"

Peanutbuttercheese · 18/07/2017 09:20

Actual mutual friends with benefits when people are single can work, I haven't ever done this but had a couple of friends who did this successfully. They had very robust self esteem, people involved were single.

CalmItKermitt · 18/07/2017 09:20

Tbf you do sound ideally matched.

ChilliMary · 18/07/2017 09:20

What about his girlfriend in all of this - what about her feelings? Do you not care how devastated she would be if she found her sleazy boyfriend was shagging other woman?? Obviously he is a complete creep, but the fact that you are considering this is so bad. Why would you do that just because he gave some time attention?

user1493630944 · 18/07/2017 09:21

He's a philanderer, steer clear or get hurt, GF is obviously going to get hurt sooner or later. And ditch the 'friend' who introduced you and wanted the fun of watching what would happen.

Timefortea99 · 18/07/2017 09:24

You both sound incredibly childish - made for each other. Hope the gf gives him the big elbow.

Emboo19 · 18/07/2017 09:33

It might have been said already, no time to read through.
But you won't be fwb!! He'll be cheating on his girlfriend with you. Fwb can do the friend stuff, cinema, drinks, meals etc! They're aren't hiding away like a dirty little secret.
You'd be a shag, behind his girlfriends back. Probably not the first, definitely not the last. If you're ok with that, get on with it!
Just make sure he always uses a condom for any sexual activity and don't try convince yourself you mean anything to him.

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