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Overwhelming suspicion

76 replies

Sienna9522 · 18/07/2017 02:12

OH and I have been together for 2 years and have a 4mo DD. Since she was born, we've been quite distant. Intimacy is less frequent and we're not loving towards each other like we once was.

Over the past couple of weeks, he's been a lot moodier than usual, snapping over trivial things and becoming irritated with me for no reason. He says we argue too much but when I try to be nice, he's nasty to me. He says we don't have enough sex but he never initiates it. It was his 30th Birthday recently and we got a babysitter so we could go out as a couple and celebrate. He was miserable all night. He says nasty and insulting things to me but dismisses it as 'a joke'.

Over the weekend he suggested moving out to give each other some space due to the frequent arguing (I don't believe it's as frequent as he makes out). We own a house together and he owns another that isn't being rented. I agreed, believing at the time he didn't have an ulterior motive. Anyway, we was visiting family an hours drive away this weekend and his sister suggested I stay there with the baby for anothet week, and he come back home to work. His mood brightened. He was overly encouraging of the idea and even suggested I take money out of our savings to fund the week there, which is very unusual of him as he never usually wants to touch the savings. I told his sister it was too short notice and maybe another time.

We drove home. When home, he told me stay inside with the baby while he unpacked the bags from the car. The car was parked away from the house as our usual space was taken. I stood at the back gate and secretly watched him and he was texting at the boot of his car. He come back into the house and snapped over something again, at which point I lost it and asked him to show me his phone. He point blank refused to show me his phone. He ran in to the other room and I followed him, he then ran outside and towards his car. He returned 5 minutes later. When I asked who he was texting, he said his mum. I spoke to his mum and she told me she hadn't spoke to him.

He's been on his phone a lot more than usual lately and his sister and family members of mine have said the same in passing.

When I was 20 weeks pregnant I found out he was texting a girl from work and had been going to the gym with her. He claimed it was platonic, yet kept it a secret from me and only admitted it when I moved in with a friend and refused to come home until he told me the truth. He had me going crazy with the secret texting and change in behaviour. My suspicions started with that one when I found a receipt in the car for cookies and 4pints of milk that he hadn't brought home. He had taken it to her and I remember him lying about it at the time.

Am I going crazy, or are these red flags?

OP posts:
CremeFresh · 18/07/2017 02:23

I doesn't look good I'm afraid . Are you going to do something now or do you feel you need more evidence ?

user1486956786 · 18/07/2017 03:32

Texting , refusing to hand over phone , yes huge red flag :-|

Jellybellyqueen · 18/07/2017 03:46

Much as ppl might think this is an invasion of privacy, I'd be inclined to get hold of his phone while he's asleep, and check through deleted texts using the laptop and whatever method is applicable for the phone. No messing around or wasting time. He's certainly not trying to put your fears to rest, and is lying to you, which is a proven fact. If he's not being honest, you're within your rights to find out by other methods. Good luck OP.

JustMumNowNotMe · 18/07/2017 06:58

I'm with jelly, invasion of privacy or not I'd be going through that phone thoroughly, texts, calls, WhatsApp, Facebook, emails and looking for other apps like Kik etc.

JustMumNowNotMe · 18/07/2017 06:58

I'd also try and get hold of a copy of his phone bill...

Thisismyusernamefornow · 18/07/2017 08:15

Definite red flags. Similar things have been happening to me recently and I finally got him to admit it this weekend after I found he'd stayed out all night.

It definitely sounds like another woman. Sorry.

Sienna9522 · 18/07/2017 09:40

He's gone to stay at the other house so there is little chance I can get his phone. I've tried accessing his online bill (I guessed the password) but an access code is sent to his number. I'm tempted to get a tracking device for the car.

OP posts:
Thisismyusernamefornow · 18/07/2017 09:52

Has he actually gone to the other house? This is what I was told but he's gone to his girlfriends. Yes I tracked his car (this will cause some outrage but I was at my wits end) and that's how I knew and got him to finally admit he was having an affair.

DayToDayGlobalShit · 18/07/2017 09:55

Do you drive? Could you follow him?

Sienna9522 · 18/07/2017 09:59

I don't drive. Most of my friends do though. It's an option but I don't want to be taking the baby out late at night. He would never bring someone to the other house but he would go somewhere with her and I need to find out where. I'm too impatient to wait for a tracking device to come through the post. He's at work now but he barely text me last night and hasn't even text me this morning to see how the baby is.

OP posts:
User1235567 · 18/07/2017 10:05

So sorry to hear you're going through this. I know all too well what it's like being pregnant and your partner messaging other girls. It's the lowest of the low.
My advice would be, firstly you need to ask yourself, do you love him and do you want to be with him? Secondly, it's more than likely he has found someone else and you need to lay it on him and tell him, he may come clean and tell you. X

Sienna9522 · 18/07/2017 10:27

I've asked over and over and over for the truth. He will never admit it and makes me doubt myself. I've made a list of behaviours over the past few weeks, so when he does try and convince me nothing is happening, I can look back on it. The shit that happened during my pregnancy was heart breaking enough. I won't accept it a second time. I just want hard evidence.

OP posts:
JustMumNowNotMe · 18/07/2017 10:49

A friend of mine in the same position felt for sure he was cheating or she was going mad. To find out which she put a tracker and voice activated recorder in his car and got all the evidence she needs.

Adora10 · 18/07/2017 10:53

It's not so much his phone secrecy but the way he talks to you is vile and you should not be tolerating it; it sounds miserable.

Sienna9522 · 18/07/2017 10:58

JustMum that sounds expensive. I've been looking at tracking devices around £20.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 18/07/2017 12:03

OP, just read what you've written?

The mere fact that you're contemplating buying a tracking device is crackers.

Why waste any more time on him, he's emotionally left you & wants to be with someone else.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 18/07/2017 12:14

To be honest the way he treats you should be enough to drop him, whether he's cheating or not.

JustMumNowNotMe · 18/07/2017 12:20

The voice recorder was about £15 on Amazon

RhubardGin · 18/07/2017 12:24

Hi OP,

My advice is forget the tracking devices and just leave.

He's lied to you in the past and is treating you appallingly. Not letting you see his phone and lying about who he's texting isn't just a red flag, it's a huge red banner with the words "I'm a cheating prick" written over it.

Do you really need hard evidence? I think it's already pretty obvious what's going on and it isn't the first time by your account.

Go to a solicitor and get a plan in place. You deserve better.

Flowers
Emboo19 · 18/07/2017 12:26

Even without another woman it sounds like he's checked out of the relationship, sorry OP.
I'd concentrate on seeing a solicitor regarding the house/money and contact for your DC.

Trickycat · 18/07/2017 12:27

I would just tell him its over. I know you want evidence but you are going to drive yourself crazy. You know what you know. His actions if you end it will tell you what you need to know.

I'm sorry OP, I know its hard.

Sienna9522 · 18/07/2017 12:30

I managed to get on to his phone bill. He stayed at the other house last night and the last time he text me was 23.41. He said he fell asleep after that. I can see he sent texts at 00.11, 00.35, 00.36, 00.38 and 00.41 and made a call. That's evidence enough for me.

OP posts:
Sienna9522 · 18/07/2017 12:31

I'm shaking.

OP posts:
Trickycat · 18/07/2017 12:34

I'm sorry. Deep breaths. Can you call a friend?

Sienna9522 · 18/07/2017 12:37

They're all working and my sister is at uni. I feel like I'm going to pass out.

OP posts: