Sorry if this is long.
Background: met H at 15, got married at 25 and now have 4 DC 13, 11, 9 and 6. Am now almost 40.
When 9yo was born there was an incident when at 5mths old he sustained a upper arm fracture when H lifted him from his cot. This obvs. caused a SS investigation which ended in a case conference and H was interviewed under caution by police. It was found dc were not in danger.
3 years later dc4 was born and H admitted to having had a 4 month affair before I became pregnant as he felt his life was changed by SS involvement and that he wanted to ruin his life?!?
We separated for a few months but he continued to come to the home daily and eventually moved back in.
I have had a lot of mental Heath issues stemming from this and have had lots of counselling and psych input.
Last year we had an incident of Him texting a woman from work and I found it when the text was sent to my daughters phone as they shared an iTunes account.
Again I tried to work past this but from his side it was very much 'just get over it or this won't work'.
Last July he said I was pushing him asking what was wrong and he said he wasn't happy and cld see no alternative but to separate. I was upset but agreed but again he came daily and put kids robbed them left and went to stay in a relatives house. He has been living part time her and part time there for a year now. Sometimes he says he is just scared to move in and sometimes he says he just doesn't know what he wants. I had set him a deadline of Sept. go move back in and thought things were going the right way.
We are just back from a week's holiday and I thought we had a good time.
Since we arrived back on Saturday he seems to have totally lost it.
He was snappy with the DC so I asked what was wrong and he said he felt 'cooped up'. I told him to go for a drive and he said thanks and went.
I text him and said I wanted him to be happy and if that meant without me then just be honest. He said he was 'grand' and came back. He then said the kids were annoying him and he got in the car and left. He came back around 1am.
Same sort of thing yesterday.
Says his bubble burst when SS were called and he changed and he can't slow himself to be happy.
This is really starting to affect me. I am stressed to but I have to be here for my DC. I feel myself slipping into the dark depression rabbit hole even tho my meds have been increased again. My heart is breaking. He says he loves me but he can't keep on living like this. I have to keep a poker face for work and DC and I feel lost.
Sorry for the length.