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Original poster

Is my girlfriend selfish?

56 replies

BlingersMcBling · 16/07/2017 07:02

I've been seeing a girl for around 2 years and I'm getting to the point where I'm wondering if this is normal and would really like any other opinions.
There are a lot of things that have happened but the latest is: we are meant to be renting a new house where everything will be in my name but 2 weeks before we are about to move in she has left her job. She can't seem to hold down a job. She said there's one part of it she can't stand and I just think if it was me you'd put up with it until at least you'd found something else.
She has always struggled to keep a job and has had about 6 in the 2 years I've seen her.
Thing is I've got into a lot of debt and carried her throughout our relationship and I'm getting to the point where I'm just sick of it.
Also she has refused to do this other part of her job which means her work colleagues (who also hate it) have to do her shifts. This doesn't phase her at all but I know if it was me I wouldn't do that to my work colleagues.
There's also other cases of where she's been selfish I think eg
Her daughter really wanted to go to a school disco and was excited but my gf realised she had a nail appointment so just cancelled her daughters disco (instead of just cancelling her nails)
Also she's always leaving me to iron her kids clothes and make sure there's food in for them. Im not saying it should be just her responsibility but it just never enters her head, if I didn't then they wouldn't have anything. Anyway rant over, is this normal behaviour? Thanks

OP posts:
BifsWif · 16/07/2017 07:05

No it's not. You need to stop enabling her behaviour. Don't carry her any longer.

Do you get anything out of this relationship?

ElspethFlashman · 16/07/2017 07:06

Nope.

You're always going to have to carry the can, and she doesn't really give a shit if you get in debt because of it. Just like she doesn't give a shit about her colleagues.

You could have a fairer and less anxious relationship with someone else. But depends on whether it's a deal breaker for you.

shartsi · 16/07/2017 07:06

Yes she is selfish. Leave her, she will not change.

Seenoevil · 16/07/2017 07:08

Yes she's selfish and no quitting a job just because you don't like part of it isn't normal when your about to rent a house with your partner.

And as for cancelling her daughters disco instead of her nail app - well don't get me started. I would of 100% cancelled my nails.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 16/07/2017 07:08

She sounds horrendous. The nails/daughters disco thing is HORRIBLE, that poor kid Sad
Tbh I think you'll be making a massive mistake to move in with her... unless you want to be solely responsible for her and her children? You're getting into debt while she just flits around letting you pick up the slack, I think that shows you who cares and who doesn't.

hesterton · 16/07/2017 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaisyPops · 16/07/2017 07:10

She is self absorbed.
She wants a partner who'll pay her lifestyle whilst she picks and chooses which bits of being an adult she fancies and expects the world to revolve around her whims.

I just really hope that there's no reply saying 'but you knew she had kids. Step parents should be parenting just like their parents. If she wants to get her nails done maybe it's her break'. She's using you OP. What are you getting out of this relationship?

rightwhine · 16/07/2017 07:11

She is indeed very selfish and actually quite cruel. I feel sorry for her poor kids. Cancelling a disco instead of a nail appointment. Wow!

And yes you don't dump your colleagues in the shit.

Does she have any redeeming features? Because I can't believe she treats you that nicely generally, going on what you've said so far.

ElspethFlashman · 16/07/2017 07:11

You're essentially her meal ticket. She fell on her feet when she got you to shack up with her.

rightwhine · 16/07/2017 07:13

And if you are in debt financing her, then she shouldn't even be having nail appointments in the first place.

FinallyHere · 16/07/2017 07:14

You really have to ask? What do you think?

Fairylea · 16/07/2017 07:16

I am suspicious that she's chose to leave her job now knowing full well you're about to move in together with everything in your name. I don't think she has any intention of finding another job.

Original poster
BlingersMcBling · 16/07/2017 07:16

Thanks for the comments, don't get me wrong her daughter wasn't upset or anything just very disappointed but there's no way I would have done that. I noticed small signs early on tbh, like she would watch tv in her room at night stupidly loud whilst the kids were in bed, or she would order a takeaway and not get her kids any.
Why have I put up with it? Good question. I think I'm guilty of just going with the flow a bit and she is very pretty which was the instant attraction but that only lasts so long and now I'm getting to the point where I think she's having a massively negative affect on my life.
Thanks

OP posts:
AradiasDaughter · 16/07/2017 07:17

LTB. :she won't change and is selfish. She's quit her job because she thinks you'll take care of her.
Get rid!

Original poster
BlingersMcBling · 16/07/2017 07:18

Just rereading my post I probably come across a bit weak but believe me I've had plenty of massive arguments with her about it. The last time she left her job I told her if she does it again I'm gone, and look what's happened. She also lies all the time. What am I doing!

OP posts:
Mothervulva · 16/07/2017 07:19

If you have to ask...

SonicBoomBoom · 16/07/2017 07:19

Why are you with her? You don't love her, you don't particularly like her (don't blame you), and she doesn't seem to be very considerate of you.

It's OK to be single, you know.

hesterton · 16/07/2017 07:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rightwhine · 16/07/2017 07:23

Why have you agreed for everything to be in your name anyway?

Lieing on its own is a deal breaker for me. Once the trust is gone then that's it.
Trust and respect are non negotiables.

Velvian · 16/07/2017 07:24

Do you mean she wouldn't give the kids any dinner if you didn't step in? She needs a wake up call by the sound of it.

Original poster
BlingersMcBling · 16/07/2017 07:26

We both applied for the house but her credit rating came back poor and I'm the lead tenant so I will be responsible

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 16/07/2017 07:26

My husband is not pretty at all - but he is honest, hardworking, funny, reliable, kind, generous, protective, a brilliant father and good provider. I know which I'd go for if I had our time over.
This girl doesn't love you she's using you. You are being a mug and deserve better.

rightwhine · 16/07/2017 07:26

And perhaps read some books on relationships to see why you've put up with this crap for so long. Oh she's pretty - you have been thinking with that different part of your male anatomy Grin Resolve to use your actual brain a bit earlier in your next relationship...

Tofutti · 16/07/2017 07:26

Move into your new place without her. If she moves in it will be harder to get rid of her.

If you don't stick to your ultimatum to leave her if she leaves another job, then she knows you're a soft touch.

Cailleach666 · 16/07/2017 07:30

I've been seeing a girl

You date children? Hmm