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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I be annoyed ?

66 replies

Missing4u · 15/07/2017 18:49

My boyfriend has just returned from seeing his children, have absolutely no problem with this.
What he has only just mentioned is that he also spent the day with his ex and what a nice day thu have all had together.
Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed ? It's not a birthday , there is nothing they need to celebrate and it's only a fortnight since they were all at a family party that I wasn't invited too.

OP posts:

TwitterQueen1 · 15/07/2017 18:52

How long have you been with your boyfriend? If it's a new relationship then YABU for feeling annoyed. If you've been together a while and are an established couple then I would be a bit annoyed too.

But don't forget that his children will - or should - always take priority over what you want.

monkeywithacowface · 15/07/2017 18:53

So the children can't have a nice day with both their parents because daddy's girlfriend doesn't like it?

Sorry OP if you can't handle an amicable relationship with an Ex for the sake of the children you need to move on, for your own sake as much as anyone elses

MissBax · 15/07/2017 18:54

Why are you annoyed? I'm really good friends with an ex of mine and we don't even have kids together. So I can only imagine sharing children is the perfect reason to get on well?

Original poster

Missing4u · 15/07/2017 18:57

We've been together for about three years. We don't live together.

I'm not annoyed as such just he has very limited time due to work etc and he has limited time with his children also because of work. It just seems a bit odd that they need to be still doing things together etc so often. As I said I have no issue if this was to celebrate birthday - school etc.

OP posts:

IP1974 · 15/07/2017 18:58

Would you rather they were at each other's throats? It's great that they are amicable. Demonstrates he's a mature, sensible guy and a great father. I don't see the problem at all

Original poster

Missing4u · 15/07/2017 19:00

Okay perhaps it's me being over sensitive.
I still haven't met the children and I guess I feel like I'm being left out of this part of his life.

OP posts:

Hunted68 · 15/07/2017 19:01

Unfortunately if you choose to be with someone who has kids this is what you get. Not good for you though!

MissBax · 15/07/2017 19:01

I think it's probably more an issue of jealousy isn't it? I used to be quite a jealous GF but managed to knock it on the head quickly as it really isn't worth it. If you trust your OH that's the bottom line.

Hunted68 · 15/07/2017 19:02

You haven't met the children after 3 years?

Migraleve · 15/07/2017 19:03

I would be questioning my relationship with him tbh. At 3 years in I would expect to have met the children.

This guy has limited time, spends a lot with his ex, doesn't live with you.

Are you sure she is his ex? You sound like the OW to me

IP1974 · 15/07/2017 19:05

Yes why haven't you met the DC? 3 years is a long time

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 15/07/2017 19:06

If you have not met the children after 3 years, something is seriously wrong.

Original poster

Missing4u · 15/07/2017 19:06

She is the ex that is common knowledge. We are co workers so I know what work is like etc.
He says he wants his time with the children for him and then and not to share it .. but he seems to share them with everyone but me

OP posts:

crazykitten20 · 15/07/2017 19:06

Not Unreasonable. You should be with him when he sees his kids after 3 years. There is something odd here. Self respect. Bin him if you are not important enough to be a part of ALL of his life.

TwitterQueen1 · 15/07/2017 19:06

Er.. sorry OP but if you haven't met the children after 3 years and you don't live together and you're not invited to events and he's happy spending time with his children and his ex... you're not his girlfriend you're a bit on the side.

In what way is this a fulfilling relationship for you?

IP1974 · 15/07/2017 19:09

It's not the spending time with the kids and ex that's the problem here. My DP has kids and I haven't met them but we are only 8 months in and still feels a bit early for that. If I was 3 years in I'd be seriously questioning this and I'd feel insecure. Hence your original post I suppose. This is odd in my opinion

Hunted68 · 15/07/2017 19:09

If you haven't met the kids after 3 years and he has this approach, you seriously need to consider moving on. Do you have children?

ginnystonic · 15/07/2017 19:09

I find it odd that you haven't met the kids after 3 years, and that you aren't invited to family events.

Are you sure you are his girlfriend and not just a fuck buddy?

happypoobum · 15/07/2017 19:11

I also think that three years without meeting his children is odd.

Have you met anyone in his family at all?

Original poster

Missing4u · 15/07/2017 19:14

I have met his brother on occasion.
It didn't particularly bother me. He is busy and I was quite happy to carry on as we are but if he is happy to spend so much of his children's time with her there I now wonder if I am being a bit naive.

OP posts:

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 15/07/2017 19:15

3 years & you haven't met his kids??? No way does he see you as a partner, sorry.

Original poster

Missing4u · 15/07/2017 19:34

As I say it has never really bothered me before hand. Happy to have less of life's pressures and also excepted that he would rather his time with them was about he and them. It's only recently that I have started to feel out of the loop ... he has a great relationship with his ex something I commend - he left for someone else(not me) so i imagine to get this point has been lots of hard work but I don't feel they need to be out together especially when he hasn't yet to want to have me join them.

OP posts:

crazykitten20 · 15/07/2017 19:42

I agree with you , OP, what will he say when you ask him?

Original poster

Missing4u · 15/07/2017 19:45

Just the same thing that he wants his time with them to be about them and him.
He said they'd such a wonderful day together and it's just made me feel very left out ... he chose to leave that situation many years ago.

OP posts:

Hunted68 · 15/07/2017 19:46

Is he so good that you need this crap?

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