EA partner just left me! Hand hold please?

[numbandlost]

Just that really I've stood by him through depression emotional abuse an affair and he was the one who finished with me!
Never felt so low! Feel pathetic!

Anyone still awake? I'm in a bit of a state and alone! Could do with someone coming along that's had a happy ending and give me hope that you can move on and be happy.

I know you're upset, but please count this as one of the fucking luckiest days of your life. Good riddance.

It can't get any worse -

Doesn't mater who finished it q- be glad it's over

I have no advice, but sending hugs.

You are still in shock and it sounds like your mind has been seriously attacked over time. It will time but I honestly believe that you can find a safe place.

However it is the reaction of a normal human being to be shocked and devastated at the moment. Hang on and I'm sure you will be fine.

I hope someone more knowledgeable will be along soon. Sending good vibes.

Hi OP, I agree with aqua. I know it doesn't feel like it now but you will get over it. You deserve more than being treated badly. He did you a favour. Take back your power and build a new life, a better life, without him in it. Good luck

Agreed. You'll feel miserable for a bit and grieve for the relationship. Then realise how much simpler and pleasant your life is without him and start looking for someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. That's your happy ending

Just be thankful he is gone, you really dont need a drain on your life like him.
Remember to give yourself lots of self care and lots of time to process it all, theres no rush. Keep that head held up, your worth more x

I'm here, I had the same happen to me, 14 years 3 children and he rang me from work to tell me when he got home we needed to talk. It's been 3 years and I'm now much happier but it was very hard at the beginning and I shed a lot of tears and my self worth was extreamly low. Don't be afraid to seek out friends and family and my best advice is keep busy busy busy and don't contact him. I did this and sudenly my ex has "made a mistake" but I realised he only wanted the comforts of someone!
I met a lovely guy who showed me there are much better men out there for me xx

Ive been here! Im 5 months on. He left me, got a new gf within 2 weeks. He emotionally abused me, insulted me, harressed me, stalked me.. made my life a living hell!
I still have crap days. But im building back my confidance bit by bit.
People will tell you to go NC.. and there right. But ONLY when your ready will you truley do it.
I ended up changing my number, but it took 2 months for me to do it hoping he would change. These men DONT change. Could you honestly imagine living the rest of your life with a EA cheat? What a miserable exsistance would that be? You will look back one day and be do incredibily thankful he went. You dont have to 'stand by' this waste of space any longer. Your free! Life is just way too short to be miserable

It's natural to feel a huge sense of loss regardless of how the relationship was. You obviously weren't ready to leave yet or you would have done so.

The EA will have skewed your perception of life without him, so it will take some time for you to realise that you WILL be ok, more than ok in fact. You will be happy and free without this relationship weighing you down. It will take some time and lots of self love, but you can come through it and have a great life. Thank the tosser for doing you the biggest favour and start to plan the rest of your life EA free. Do the Freedom Programme if you feel at risk of getting involved with another EA bastard. Not that you'll want to rush into anything, but it would be good to try and put some of the pieces back together

Thank your lucky stars. It's for the best and it hardly sounds like he's a catch.

Thanks so much everyone just nice to feel I'm not alone! I've been laid here asking myself if I want the next 12 years to be as miserable as these have been and the answer is no.
Just feel like an idiot for putting up with everything I have and in the end it's him who doesn't want me.
I have decided to try my best to at least get through the weekend with no contact. Won't be easy because we have children but I think it's the best thing to do.

And so glad to hear some of you have come out the other side happier!

You are NOT an idiot. You're a person with a loving heart who got fucked over by a lying, narcissistic douchebag. Keep your loving heart and leave this piece of crap in the dust where he belongs.

Googled narcissistic and yes yes yes!
I have been trying to find the strength to leave and yes my pride is hurting very much!
I just kept telling myself maybe if I just show him how much I love him be a bit kinder, better, happier but nothing was ever good enough!
I guess deep down I knew he didn't love me like I love him.
Feel like going and climbing in to bed with one of the kids for a cuddle but don't want to risk waking them.

Now is the time to change the locks

Make a list! Bed to yourself tick TV remote tick no extra washing ironing or meals tick -

Lazy days if you want them - not waiting around for them to decide the agenda -

Be free! Be happy!

Bet the kids cheer up no end

Good idea to have a weekend of no contact. Don't even read his messages, save them for next week.

The lack of contact with a narc EA is so important to help you heal.

Second writing a list of all the great things.

And look up Alexandra Nouri if you haven't already found her - a very cathartic read for anyone recovering from narcissistic abuse.

I've barely slept a wink. I don't know how I'm going to get through the day but the kids will be awake soon so will just have to get on with it.
Am going to try keep as busy as possible.

Yes yes to keeping busy! You wont feel like doing anything but your kids will get you through it. Dont think of it as a full day, just get through hour by hour. I remember when exp left me and i couldnt even go to the supermarket without wanting to well up. It honestly geta easier, i do it without thinking. Ita awful to think that they was the EA one and yet they left you isnt it? Your confindance takes a great batterering. But one day you absolutly look back and think thank god he bloody left! I do now, i can do what i want.. when i want.. i feel free. I dont have to answer to anyone. I live my life for me and my dd. I thought id never ever feel like this. Everyone told me it would get easier but i felt i would feel like this forever! It wont though, trust me.. ive been here.

Also narcs are well known for coming back.. saying theyve changed.. they want to keep you hanging on.. hoping.. but in fact they just want a ego boost from you, they want to know that you still want them, they like seeing you cry and beg for them, they love it! Dont give him anything

Thanks so much vodka I hope you are right and I will be glad he left.
I've just burst in to tears in the school run but one of the mums was very kind to me and I've decided I'm going to go down to town now and get a treat the cleaning can wait!!

Yes do it! Love youself again. Build your confidance back up and you will start settling for nothing less than what you deserve. I joined a gym.. used to drop dd off at school and go sweat it out for a hour.. its great! Go for a run. Anything

Yeah I'd not rule out his return so you need to be strong now; these men usually disappear when they find another victim so if I was you I'd be praying he stays away. You need to work on yourself OP and try and figure out why you think you stayed with someone abusive; if nothing else you have learned a lot of hard lessons that will hopefully now help you to pick a good man instead of a nasty one.