Just found out he cheated

[JustWhy1]

So just found out my DP of 9 years has been cheating on me with someone from work he claims it was only sexting but from a message i saw where she says she has him worn out i believe it was a lot more. I am absolutely devastated...why do they do this

What a cunt! So sorry to read this, OP.

And even if it had been only sexting, which it clearly wasn't, how would that have been acceptable?

Take care of yourself, lovely - hot sweet tea for the shock - then time to decide what you want to do.

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So so sorry and furious on your behalf. Do you live together? How did you come to find out?

So sorry for your hurt. How devastating for you. Get some space away from him

Yes we live together and have a 5 year old DD...i saw a message in his phone and confronted him...im currently drinking a bottle of wine...this really hurts so much

Keep posting if you need some company. Is he at home tonight?

Thank you...yes i am currently in the spare room i cant stop crying

I'm so sorry hon. Can you bring yourself to call a friend or family member? Awful to think of you crying alone in your spare room. :(

I have called a very supportive friend and have talked to her for a while but no matter what anyone says no one can take away this pain i just cant believe he wud do this to me...everything is ruined there is no goin back from this

Oh this is hellish OP and I have been there with an Ex in the past.
You'll still be reeling at the moment, sending you much love and hugs

How did you cope with it ExpatMrs ? I am completely falling apart

I would try to get some sleep, it's late and you're understandably distraught. Do you want to ask him to leave right now or just sleep in another room?

You poor poor thing. What a pair of utter shits!

I've been here. It's a pain you think you'll never get over. But trust me... you will! It will take time, there'll be times when you'll feel like you can't cope, that your life is over, you'll never be happy again etc. But one day you'll realise you've come out the other side and you'll be stronger for it.

But now you need to understand you deserve much better than this. Even if it was just sexting, it is still betrayal. And he's only admitted to the sexting because he's been caught out and can't deny it.

Hiw has he reacted to ypur discovery? Is he remorseful, regretful? Does he want you to stay with him?

Like your DP he claimed it was only just 'harmless messages' and it was 'all in my head'.
I desperately wanted to believe him, plus it was the wk before Xmas and our first in our new home etc. We limped on but I became obsessive about checking his phone/email/FB etc because my gut instinct told me it was more. By the following March we called time on our relationship and the truth came out then. He had been having sex with her, and whilst no longer happening the truth came too late. Had the truth all come out immediately, whilst devastated, we might have been able to work through it, but his additional lies about it plus making me feel like I was going nuts was too much to bear.
V different for you as you have a lo together.
You need a good ear to get through this. Someone who you can talk it all out with, but who won't judge if you stay or blab to other friends/family members about it.
I remember feeling physically wounded and wondering if I'd ever feel better. The initial shock is the worst for you, woe betide him if/when your anger hits

He is remorseful and said it stopped 3 weeks ago as we were going through a rough time and had a chat and decided to work on things and everything has been going great...this message was dated 4 weeks ago...He has been crying saying he doesnt want me to leave him which i have told him i am doing. I just cannot believe this is happening. I am absolutely gutted but how can i possibly carry on a relationship with him. He sees her everyday and it is a small office. My heart is just broken

He must not go into work today.

Both stay home and you give him a set time today by which he must tell you the truth, the whole truth.

You are in control of this JustWhy.
His actions and words will guide you and we're here for you to lean on x

I wouldn't make any snap decisions now OP, although he doesn't need to know that.
Here to chat anytime you like. Even just for you to rant it all out xx

I'm so sorry. I totally get the blind siding shock of this type of news.

You will be okay. Don't rush into anything and don't respond to him as if he's on your team anymore. It's your call now what happens in the future.

"He has been crying saying he doesn't want me to leave him which i have told him i am doing."

He's only crying because he got caught. So many of us have been through what you are going through right now. It takes a certain kind of person to cheat, rather than work on saving their relationship.

Only you can decide what you want to do, but you deserve much more than this. Don't be second best to someone else.

Go to this website www.chumplady.com

He didnt go in to work today but i did. He is never going to tell me the full truth. There is more to this i found out a few weeks ago that he had been messaging another woman and i left. He told me it was some woman he met on a night out and it was just messages and nothing else. I decided to give things another go as our relationship had been on the rocks previous to this.

Things had been going great since i went back he had really changed but as i didnt trust him i went through his phone and found a message from a few weeks ago and it was from the woman he works with. He admitted then that it was her and that he didnt tell me because he knew i would have never given him a second chance if i knew it was someone in work.

What do i do now

Is this fling with the woman at work the first time he's done anything like this? Or does he have form throughout your relationship for sexting/seeing other women?

It's concerning that he's told a lot of lies about this woman at work and only admits it once he's caught out. I'd be questioning how long it would have continued to go on for if I hadn't discovered the messages.

The trust was previously broken, he's the type of guy that sees women as an opportunity, he has no respect for commitment and fidelity; he's shown you that twice now, there are probably other times you know absolutely nothing about, use this anger to get rid of this total waste of space, he's only crying because you have found out.

Sorry OP, there is no real relationship here, I'd count my losses if I was you, there's a massive chance he will do this again to you.

No this is the first time anything like this has happened. I always trusted him.

Both himself and the OW are saying it was only messages nothing happened but how can i really believe that ?

Yes i have been thinking that too if i had not have caught him how long would this have been goin on for ?

Sorry OP I got confused with your thread and another similar one.

You saw her saying she has worn him out but yet you believe it was only messages, really, sorry OP, they've clearly had sex.

Hi *Adora8 ya thats what it sounds like and have asked him but he keeps denying it. I wish he wud be decent enough to just tell me the truth. This hurts so much

Unless they bonded when she introduced him to her hobby of fell running or something, I think we know how she wore him out. They're denying it because they know you have no proof.