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Original poster

Too young for engagement?

86 replies

mummytobemaybe · 09/07/2017 14:06

My boyfriend and I have been together 6 months and love eachother very dearly, we both have the same life goals and values and both want to get married and have children. We have spoken about marriage and how we want the ceremony to be and it was all light hearted. Until a few days ago he said how he knew I'd always wanted to be proposed to at Easter and he said if we are still together by next Easter (2018) then he will propose.
We both see eachother as being 'the one'.
By the time of engagement I will be 20 and he 21. Is this too soon and too young? Confused

OP posts:
CrispPacket · 09/07/2017 14:08

Im sure you'll get different views on this but for me, definitely too soon. There will be sooo much stuff you dont know about each other.

Janeinthemiddle · 09/07/2017 14:09

Personally I would say yes, too early in a relationship but there are also people who got married early and works. It's difficult to ask strangers to judge as if all depends on yours and partner's personality and character.

MyheartbelongstoG · 09/07/2017 14:11

Too young, waaaaaay too young.

TartanDMs · 09/07/2017 14:13

I don't know, I got married at 22 and it felt right for me, but I can't imagine DS getting married so young.

SwearyG0dmother · 09/07/2017 14:14

So you're 19 and 20 at the moment? It does sound young but doesn't sound unusual - many of my friends, including me, were in these kind of intense relationships at a similar age. All bar one of us were no longer together by our mid 20s. I thank my lucky stars I didn't marry the man I had those conversations with in my late teens.

passthecremeeggs · 09/07/2017 14:16

The bit that concerns me is the "if we're still together he'll propose" - if he thinks there's a chance you won't be then I'm not sure he's ready..

OlennasWimple · 09/07/2017 14:19

I don't understand planning to get engaged. Either you're planning to get married (in which case you are engaged, whether there has been a ring and a bended knee moment or not) or you are still talking about it in the abstract (in which case you are not engaged)

Personally I'm glad I didn't marry the person I was with when I was your age, but I know people who did and who have been happily married a long time. I also know people who have got engaged quickly (less than six months after meeting) and are happily married still

StarsAndStripes18 · 09/07/2017 14:20

Mummy, I believe that when you meet the right one you 'just know'!

I met my now DH when we were both 18, we got engaged just 10 weeks later (a couple of days after my 19th birthday) and we got married 2 years later, I was 21 and DH was 20.
We are now nearly 20 years married with 5 DC so no, I don't think you're too young but I'm sure there'll be other people along to say they married young and regretted it.
Personally neither of us have regretted our choice, although if any of our DC now said they were getting engaged at 18/19 we'd probably both advise to wait a while to get married.. very hypocritical I know! Blush

BarbedBloom · 09/07/2017 14:20

6 months is a bit too early. My fiancé and I moved in together after 6 months, which was considered too soon and we got engaged a year and a half after getting together. The living together part was really important for testing our relationship. Why not move in together first (if you aren't already) and reassess in 6 months.

If you are determined to get engaged then just have a long engagement.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 09/07/2017 14:20

Well. I can only judge this on my own standards and experience, not on your character or your DPs or the relationship between you obviously, but I would say too soon and far too young.
What's the rush? If you think you'll be together forever, why push the relationship onto the next stage so soon? I know it doesn't really feel like it now but 20 is no age at all.
For reference, I am 23, DP is 25, been together for 2 years, lived together for a year, and I would say yes if he asked me now BUT I would rather he didn't for a minute. We've so much to learn about each other still and I love him enough to want to give us the best chance, not jumping into something which could just wait another year or two or whatever.
Also... I find it so weird when people plan to get engaged. Either you are or you're not surely? That's just me personally tho.

Original poster
mummytobemaybe · 09/07/2017 14:21

Obviously he just meant that since we are off to university away from eachother it might take a toll on our relationship but if we can get through it and still want eachother then he will propose. He thinks we will stay together and so do our friends/family

OP posts:
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 09/07/2017 14:22

Yea with your update I think you would benefit from taking your foot off the gas and just enjoying it and seeing how you go together.

Original poster
mummytobemaybe · 09/07/2017 14:22

Also we won't be engaged at 6 months we would have been together a year by then

OP posts:
Popchyck · 09/07/2017 14:22

What do you want from your life apart from marriage and children?

Education?
Career?
Travel?

What interests do you have that you'd like to develop? How about studying in Israel? Or volunteering in India? Or do you want to start training so that you can one day climb Mount Everest? Or even save up money to go to Glastonbury in a couple of years?

Be careful that you don't put a limit on your horizons just at the exact time when you should be broadening them.

Wolfiefan · 09/07/2017 14:23

After 6 months I wouldn't even be discussing getting married.
Uni will change you and what you want from life.
I wouldn't.

Bumbumtaloo · 09/07/2017 14:23

I'm a great believer in when you know you know, I felt exactly that when I met my now DH.

I will say I'm a completely different person now compared to what I was in my late teens/early twenties.

I'm 38 now and met my DH when I was 29.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 09/07/2017 14:24

We got engaged at 19 and married at 23, but we'd been together since we were 16 so I think that's very different.

It's not your age that's the problem here, it's that you've only been together for six months.

bec3105 · 09/07/2017 14:27

I got engaged at 19, three weeks after meeting him. Married at 20 and we now have three children and have just celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary.
It can work, any relationship required hard work, communication and dedication.
Good luck

Popchyck · 09/07/2017 14:28

Sorry. Cross-posted.

Go to university and throw yourself into it. Be happy and don't burden yourself with thinking about what might or might not happen in the future.

Good luck.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 09/07/2017 14:29

Why so much talk of university? It's very presumptuous; it's not mentioned in the OP that I can find.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 09/07/2017 14:30

Nevermind; scratch that last post. Just seen the update Grin

Bunlicker · 09/07/2017 14:31

Mummy to be maybe?

Does that mean you're pregnant now or considering it if you get engaged?

MeanAger · 09/07/2017 14:31

he knew I'd always wanted to be proposed to at Easter

Confused what an odd wish! Why?

Bunlicker · 09/07/2017 14:33

If you are talking about 'if we're together" then we'll get engaged.

Well that doesn't actually mean anything does it?

Because either you would feel like getting married or you won't. And then some people get engaged for years. You are quite young but this sounds like teenagers playing at grown ups.

MeanAger · 09/07/2017 14:33

TBH it sounds like you have just always wanted to get married to the extent of planning out your hypothetical proposal before you even met him. Don't make the mistake of jumping at the first guy who gives you butterflies just to get your dream wedding.