Too young for engagement?

[mummytobemaybe]

My boyfriend and I have been together 6 months and love eachother very dearly, we both have the same life goals and values and both want to get married and have children. We have spoken about marriage and how we want the ceremony to be and it was all light hearted. Until a few days ago he said how he knew I'd always wanted to be proposed to at Easter and he said if we are still together by next Easter (2018) then he will propose.
We both see eachother as being 'the one'.
By the time of engagement I will be 20 and he 21. Is this too soon and too young?

Oh and somewhere else he's 21 and in graphic design. So which is it?

I think you should forget about it for now and experience life starting with university.

Have a good think about what your career will look like in a few years, maybe even look at where in the world that's going to take you both. Will your career take you to the same places/experiences that his career will?

Would you need to live in a particular city/town/country to get the best out of your career and will he go with you? Will his career be easy to pick up and follow you around wherever you need to be or will one of you have to give up their career?

My advice, based on several decades worth of experience, is follow YOUR dreams not those that fit in with his ideas.

I'm stuck in a shitty house in a shitty town because I made choices at age 20 that put an immediate halt to my career.
I just felt at the time that I could pick it up at a later date and start off again nicely, I was soooo wrong.

The reality is, only DH career actually really matters to him because he earns more with his job than mine would so to him my career was worth nothing, not even worth considering in any decisions he made about where we live or how we would live.

We moved where he got the best out of his career and I followed because I love him. I'm back off to university in September to try and recover some of my ambition and aspirations in life.

I don't regret what I've done over the years but I do wish I had considered my career a lot more than I did. Its not easy living someone elses dream. I love my children and love my husband but I would give anything to be able to have continued following my own career path, being known purely as something other than 'DC's Mum or DH wife' I'd love to be 'ReinettePompadour Amazing Career Woman, DC's Mum and DH's Wife'.

I'm starting all over again now and this may have been avoided had someone told me that getting engaged at 20 was a bit silly really when we may need to go in different directions career wise in the future.

You are very young to be planning marriage, children etc You should be planning, fun, holidays, travel, life experiences not long term tying yourself down and missing out on things just because you want a bit of metal on your finger and a white dress in the wardrobe gathering dust. Just take your time, if he loves you he will wait until after University to make such big plans.

What's the rush?

Age is just a number. Congrats OP - it is lovely that you have found each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together. You both sound very sensible and talking about your future together and planning ahead shows you both have your heads screwed on.

For those saying that you should go to Uni , perphaps travel a bit - go to festivals, see the world etc etc before settling down should know that not everyone wants or feels the need to do any of these things. I really don't get how any of the above things are a magical key to a happy marriage? I think love, commitment, respect and lots of other things are a million more times more important to a happy marriage than going off and doing some bucket list right of passage.

Good luck. I wish you both a lifetime having all kinds of adventures and making memories - together :-)

And yeah, people in their late teens/early twenties are broadly immature because they haven't finished growing up yet. It's not a criticism. The most mature thing you can do is be self-aware enough to understand that you're at the very start of your adult life and there's a big learning curve ahead of you, so it's sensible to get more experience under your belt before making major decisions. My life now looks nothing like any future I pictured for myself at 19 or 20.

Agree with others. Nobody is being insulting, People are stating fact, in response to the question you asked.
On this thread you say you will be 20 and 21 next Easter. You say you are going off to University. Do that - live life to the full. If he is "the one" he will still be "the one" in 4 or 5 years time. If he's not then you'll miss out on lots of fun and experiences at university by 'settling down' so soon.
Fact is, everyone grows and changes from late teens to mid 20s. Some may grow together, but a lot won't. Make o commitments yet and see where life takes you.
Also agree with those who can't get their heads round 'planning to get engaged' . 'Being engaged' is the time between agreeing to get married and getting married.

Age isn't just a number. It's an indication of how much time you've had to experience life. How much you've learned about men, jobs, travelling. Your views on children, politics, relationships can change hugely. Some people stay together and You see the stories 'we met at 16 and lasted for 30 years' but actually, statistically much more likely to end in divorce than older couples.

Also the brain hasn't even reached maturity at the op's age. So 'age is just a number' is really not relevant yet.

Slow loris: I do not want to have my real age and identity on the internet, for obvious safety reasons and I am thinking about baby names because I really enjoy and find names interesting. Sorry that in this free country I cannot make threads and ask questions without hiding my identity and having my authenticity questioned by random people like you when it was not what was asked of you

To people questioning Easter, I have very important emotional attachments to that time and it would be very special for me. Sorry you don't understand but other people can have interests different to yours

"You don't understand" - said like a true teenager!

Uni will be a game changer so wait and see what happens. I would have said I'd be with the guy I was with before uni forever if you'd asked me then but It didn't last past 3 months as he was an utter asshole about everything I wanted to do.

I met my now DH at 20 but I was already halfway through uni. We got engaged after 18 months and married a year later. Been together 16 years now.

There's no need to rush. Hit the brakes and see what happens when uni happens.

No, if use are happy what does it matter.

Couple get engaged etc sooner and younger and last longer than people that have waited or older.

If you change your story every time then people will think you're a troll, just name change.

And people will answer your questions however they see fit, regardless of what the question was. It's the beauty of the Internet, you cannot tell people how to reply.

Immature and definitely too soon.

Of course you can post about anything you like op no one is saying you can't, however a 20 year old who has been with her partner for 6 months and not even got an 'engaged to be engaged' asking for help on baby names will appear as immature.

It's the equivalent of writing 'Mrs Robert Mummytobe repeatedly over your note books^.

I think it's wonderful to consider engagement and marriage at a younger age to what is seen as 'the norm' nowadays. It if feels right for you, then go for it!

I met my husband when I was 19, we got engaged when I was 22, and we married when I was 23.

I knew from our first date that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life, and if I could have had it my way, I would have become engaged and married to him within 1 year of meeting him.

My husband is of a different religion and culture to me, but his family were delighted when we engaged and married, as for them, it is normal and expected to marry at a young age. My white British, secular family however, were mortified that we had engaged at what they declared was 'too young,' and they frantically tried to have us delay our wedding plans for a few years. They also used to frequently tell me not to rush into having children, whereas my in laws kept on harassing us for years to make them grandparents. My MIL even sat me down and asked if I had fertility problems, as after 2 years of marriage I was yet to give them a grandchild. They thought we should've had a child as soon after we married as possible.

We listened to ourselves, and did exactly what we wanted, and engaged and married young, and during the 12 years we've been together, we have both completed Degrees and post graduate qualifications, and have been successful in our careers. We've bought our own property (well have a huge mortgage anyway), own a pet and a car. We have travelled to 8 different countries, and plan on visiting many more. And yes, we did make our parents grandparents, but many years after marriage, as this is what was right for us.

Many of our friends thought we were too young for marriage, and used to tell us they wouldn't do the same and that we shouldn't marry until later, but they are the ones who are now in their 30's and without partners or children, and keep fretting that they may never have either of these. They curse missed opportunities, and dwell on past relationships. You are lucky to have found your partner, and to have shared aspirations.

I wish you and your partner the absolute best for your future together.

The problem is you think you have time.

I have known people who felt they were too young early doors, concentrated on their career and spent years trying to meet the one years later. None of them managed to do so.

You don't know the future. Do what you want now, as tomorrow might not come.

I met dh at 18 married at 23 and been together 12 years now and life has never been better. If it's right it's right!

Hmm. I got married at 20, and so did a lot of my friends (early 20's anyway). Miraculously, when all of the men reached their late 20's, and wife was at home with small children, they decided that they hadn't experienced enough vagina's. Not one remained faithful. Give me a jaded mid 30's guy any day, who has been round the block and really just wants to meet "the one". That was the case for my now DH. No need to stray and we've both been round the block to settle now.

If you are sure, why not? You obviously know your own mind. I met my DH when i was 17, at 19 i was married with our first child. Nearly 30 years and 3 grown up children, we are still going strong! He is my soulmate, i know folk dont believe in that sort of thing, but i just knew when we met that there was something between us

I think it's weird you have different threads with different details.

BUT in regard to marriage and kids, I think it's nobody else's business. If you find the right person when you're young, that's surely a real bonus!

I just spent the weekend with some of my dearest friends. We're all in our 40s now, but they met when they were 19 and have been together ever since. They have two gorgeous kids, live in a beautiful house, and have grown up together.

I envy them their shared history! By contrast, my DH and I are second-time-arounders, both with kids from our previous relationships.

I think anything can work. Plus I think it'd be amazing to have children when you're in your early 20s.

Follow your heart.

DH and I got engaged after 4 months and married 9 months after that. He was 22 and I was 24 when we got married. However we had both finished our education and we had known each other for about 17 years.
I have friends that were married at 20/21 and they're very happy several years later. Do what's right for you

6 months is not long enough. I was engaged at 19 nearly 20 married at 22. We had been together almost 2 years when we got engaged. I'm now 28 with my own house , part time job and 2 kids. I have never travel centred , nor has my husband . we are both unsociable homes bodies who only really like each other. It depends what you want from life .