Too young for engagement?

[mummytobemaybe]

My boyfriend and I have been together 6 months and love eachother very dearly, we both have the same life goals and values and both want to get married and have children. We have spoken about marriage and how we want the ceremony to be and it was all light hearted. Until a few days ago he said how he knew I'd always wanted to be proposed to at Easter and he said if we are still together by next Easter (2018) then he will propose.
We both see eachother as being 'the one'.
By the time of engagement I will be 20 and he 21. Is this too soon and too young?

Easter egg with a ring on it?

Rabbit fetish?

Can I ask about the username? Are you pregnant? Trying to get pregnant?

Also; you're both at uni in different places and you've been together 6 months? At your age I'd enjoy the time you spend together but wouldn't consider an engagement until we'd both graduated, found work and lived together a while.

Personally I'd suggest you both operate as free agents at uni. If you're meant to be you'll find your way back to each other, but cling too tight to one another now and you'll miss half the fun of uni.

Too soon.

A year is relatively quick in itself for an engagement, but given you are both so young, and haven't lived life yet, it's definitely too soon. What's the hurry?

Wait until the end of university, when you are both settled into a career and living together. If all still feels right then, then that's the time to think about marriage.

I don't understand planning to get engaged. Either you're planning to get married (in which case you are engaged, whether there has been a ring and a bended knee moment or not) or you are still talking about it in the abstract (in which case you are not engaged)

This, exactly. And yes, too soon, and by the sound of you, too young also -- and I say this as someone who got together with the man who is now my husband when we were both 19. But we met at university, didn't tie one another down with discussions of wedding ceremonies and engagements, spent time living in different countries, pursued our studies, and didn't get in one another's way. We realised the strength of what we had late.

What else do you want to do with your life? I think you'd be crazy to tie yourself into a very new, exclusive 'engagement on the cards very soon' relationship at your age, and when you are about to head to university. If you're doing it right, university will, as well as your studies, give you the opportunity to explore entirely different ways of being and bring you into contact with very different kinds of people. My now-DH and I were able to explore them together, but too often I see women students in particular with LD boyfriends cutting themselves off from opportunities, living on the phone, or running off to spend all the weekends with them.

Rabbit with a ring on it has quite the double meaning to it

Bunlicker: so because of my age you assume I am immature. How ageist of you.

No I think it's because of your immaturity she assumes you are immature.

Really wouldn't get engaged if you are off to university as that could well be the most life changing event in your life so far. If you are still together after uni then you have a strong relationship. If you are going to unis far apart, it will be stressful and hard to maintain a close relationship but not impossible.

No, but regardless of how mature you are now, in ten years you will look back and realise how little you knew about life and how far you have come, maturity-wise.

My parents were 18 and 20 when they got engaged- 2 weeks after being together! They were engaged for 2 years and are still happily married 37 years later.
If it feels right, and only you will know, then do what makes you happy :)

Too soon in the relationship, but not too young necessarily. Depends on the individuals. I was engaged at 21 (2011) and married at 22, had been together 3 years when we got engaged. DH 3 years older than me. 2011 sounds like ages ago now!

bunlicker: so because of my age you assume I am immature. How ageist of yOu

Op: am I too young?

Everyone else: yes!

Op: how ageist!

I was living with DH at age 22, engaged at 24 and married at 26. Still together over a decade later after getting married.

In terms of whether you are too young - who can say? I don't know you or how mature you or your BF are. However if you were to ask, should you get married - then no, you shouldn't. At least not now.

Why? Well if your BF is talking in terms of only proposing to you if you are together in April next year, then it doesn't speak volumes as to the security of your relationship, does it?

No I think it's because of your immaturity she assumes you are immature.

Unfortunately yes, op that's what I meant. that's why I said 'teenagers playing at adults' instead of what you actually are. A young adult.

I was in a relationship at 20 with the man I would later marry in my early twenties. I missed out on loads and given the time again I would definitely enjoy single life as an adult.

For me it's too soon and too young. I made these mistakes years ago and wish I hadnt.

OP; I'm in my mid-40's. Thinking of my friendship groups, only 1 or 2 out of about 50 people are with the person now, that they were with at 18/19.

I think you really have to ask yourself why you're even thinking of marriage in your late teens? Why are you limiting yourself in life?

When OH and I started going out together we knew very quickly that "this was it" and got engaged after 5 weeks. We married a year later when he was just 20 and I was still 19.
Still together 44 years later; we have had occasional ups and downs because of course when we got married, we weren't nearly as grown up as we thought we were! But we still love each other very much, and besides neither of us can imagine anyone else putting up with us

I was you once, only I was 20 when we started to talk marriage :) we wanted the same things, so compatible, very in love, solidly in it for the long haul.

We married.

We split up 10 years later. Because people change a lot - a LOT - in their 20s. We are so different from each other now.

But, also, when i was your age I was terrified of not finding a partner, felt incredibly lucky to have found someone who would agree to marry me at all, and I was as stubborn as could be defending my good fortune.

I thought everyone was jealous of how much he loved me and how he wanted to wife me! Lol. I was such an eejit.

Good luck op, you're far too young but I doubt that my words will sway you. life has a way of working out, but the road you're choosing is a bitterly hard one so take care. Xx

You know what actually, go ahead and get engaged. Have your dream Easter proposal and enjoy it. Engagements aren't binding. They can very easy be broken off. Just make sure you don't buy an expensive ring.

I think 6 months in I have fantasised about every guy I've gone out with being 'the one'. I think it's just that point in the honeymoon period where you're all loved up, and yet you don't really know their flaws yet.

I've never acted on this though, because I have realised that these are enjoyable fantasies rather than a true sign on 'happy ever after'.

In a previous thread you say you are 21 and your bf is 23.

And you're posting all over baby names.

So are you just making shit up?

I was living with my boyfriend at 16.
Engaged around the age you're talking.

Guess what?

I was immature. It's not an insult, it's a fact.

You are, and if you can't accept that then I'd sat you're more immature than I'd expect at your age.
I think how I showed my maturity was that I didn't marry too quickly - like most people your age, my relationship burnt out. Maturity means seeing that there is no rush.

Fixing on a specific time of year to get engaged sounds immature, too.

Saying "ageist" comes across immaturely too

You've got a lot to learn and experience still - it's a good thing!

Well, at least he's talking about potentially proposing next year rather than now. Still, it seems young to me. I met my now husband when I was 21 (or just turned 22, I forget) but wouldn't have considered getting engaged until after I'd graduated university (he's older) and after we'd spent some time living together. Honestly, the pair of you are going to grow and change so much as people in the next few years. Be together if it makes you happy, by all means, but be open to the fact that you may grow apart.

And really, I would never actually marry a person I hadn't lived with for at least a year. Engaged maybe, but if so plan for a long engagement. You learn a lot about who they are, the habits that are going to drive you nuts, and whether the love is strong enough to endure through dirty socks, a shared bout of norovirus, crumbs in the butter - all the unromantic bits.

Ah, now posting about baby names when you're not pregnant is immature!

DP and I met when I was 19 and he was 23. We got engaged after 3 months and moved in together. 23 years later we're still together (and still engaged!)