Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you enjoy being single?

78 replies

Vodkalovesme · 08/07/2017 08:25

And how long have you been single for?

Ive been having a bit of a wobble this week. Ive been single 5 months now. Exp left me, got a new gf within a matter of weeks, personally insulted me after he left (with things he knew i was self concious about), harrssed me, stalked me, said he wanted to be with me again but then stayed with his new gf. My mind was completly mashed. I changed my number a couple of months ago and he is blocked on everything. Ive felt really positive but this last week im feeling a little lost. Like i dont know where i belong. Ive been on a few dates but no one ive clicked with. Ive started the gym and seeing friends do i feel like im making positive steps. But i still feel bitter.. i dont want to feel like this anymore.
I am enjoying being single but i worry i wont find my happy ever after. Im mid 20s and have a pre school age daughter (not exps). My plans was to have another baby before i was 30 but i feel like my future has been ripped away from me.
I wanted to hear some positive stories really

OP posts:
NotJanine · 09/07/2017 08:30

I've only been single for 1 year after a very long marriage. I'm getting used to it now and, like PPS, I enjoy the freedom and not having to compromise. when I hear couples bickering it makes me glad I'm on my own. However I do miss having someone in my life who cares about me. Someone to share things with, someone to give me a hug when I'm feeling low or tired.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/07/2017 12:38

Noego, so many people have trouble finding one lover let alone lots.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 09/07/2017 13:10

Yes this time around. 5 years divorced but split a month ago from 2 year relationship and we loved together with my dc.

At first I felt like a had to replace him straight away. Now I don't and seriously question what another serious relationship can do for me at present or the dc.

When I don't have the kids it's so nice to socialise and feel
Like I have a life again.

dimots · 09/07/2017 13:29

Yeah, the sex thing. I don't know how one goes about getting a lover, never mind more than one! I am the wrong side of 45 and have never been able to flirt. On-line seems too scary and I don't meet many men my age I fancy and younger men don't seem interested. I do really miss having sex 'on tap'.

dimots · 09/07/2017 13:31

Properly single for over a year. Still hate it. No interest from any men in that time.

Pocketsaviour · 09/07/2017 13:38

I fucking love it. I get plenty of casual sex with none of the boring shit.

I felt pressured into moving on because he called me pathetic for not moving on straight away.

What's pathetic is being so insecure that you literally can't live without some sort of relationship so hurl yourself straight into a new one because you hate your own company.

Pocketsaviour · 09/07/2017 13:39

And it's been 4 years for me.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/07/2017 13:47

"none of the boring shit. "

What do you call the boring shit though? Domestic stuff is boring, but it's nice to have someone to go to the pub with isn't it? With friends you often having to make the arrangement well in advance, with a boyfriend it's usually easier.

dimots · 09/07/2017 14:28

I am one of those boring people who has never had casual sex though. Sex outside of a relationship has never appealed to me, even when I was young.

NotJanine · 09/07/2017 14:40

Same here dimots. Plus I've never been offered it!

sunshineunicorn · 09/07/2017 14:53

Ooo I loved being single. I'm happily married now and have been for 5yrs but I do at times miss the freedom and selfishness you can have being on your own. Before dh I had been single for 6years. I mean there was the odd fling but nothing ever serious. It was great fun.
My advice is that 5months is hardly any time at all, enjoy it and make the most of it as one day you will meet that someone special and will have to spend the rest of your days compromising

user1488575338 · 09/07/2017 15:13

Nope. So bloody lonely at the moment.

CosmoClock · 09/07/2017 15:15

I wouldnt be able to just "find a lover" omg that is another world. I'm attractive, slim, able to listen, laugh, make conversation... i don't know why it is so unfeasible. But I'd rather have a proper bf or just do without.

CosmoClock · 09/07/2017 15:19

Actually, just a thought, in the course of internet dating i met about 3 men who wanted to go out with me but i did not want to go out with them. I wouldnt want to mess with their heads by having a once-off 'tumble' but i can think of no other source of lovers. I'm amazed by people who mutually place each other in that small over lap between people i like enough to have sex with - and people i like but not enough to want to go out with.

RortyCrankle · 09/07/2017 16:04

A long time and reading about some of the men on here, happy to stay that way.

stevie69 · 09/07/2017 16:29

Eight years. Absolutely f**king LOVE it. Liberating does not even begin to describe it Grin

Temporaryanonymity · 09/07/2017 16:49

I think I need to upgrade my FWB. We have been doing this for over five years now. I enjoy living alone but like his companionship and tbh neither of us are interested in anyone else. We just don't want to commit I think....

freda2017 · 09/07/2017 17:02

Happily single here ( mid thirties ) love being independent, been single 4 years. Finally I feel like I've got my shit together, well paid job & mortgage on lovely house. Took ' me time ' to re build my life after last heartbreak. Ive since come to realise that I'm happy with myself, by myself & with my life as it is now. I don't want children so I feel no rush re coupling up with someone. I'm close to my family, I spend my weekends relaxing & pottering about the garden. The thought of meeting someone and being with them full time now scares me, due to enjoying my own space. sadly due to previous experiences Ive learnt that I never want to rely on any man ever again. I'm sick to the teeth of the usual ' you have so much going for you ' ... ' you're attractive why are you single ' bla bla... quite frankly I couldn't give a shit if I'm single forever... I'm quite strong willed and I never stand for any shit. I've had dates that have gone really well for them later down the line to do something that pisses me off/ disrespect me then I've just told them to do one. I refuse to accept any second bests' ... if I meet the guy of my dreams so be it, I'm happier single than with someone just for the sake of it.

Boredboredboredboredbored · 09/07/2017 17:06

Yes! Been single for a year now after my 16 year marriage ended last summer. My dc are 13 & 12 and I am not even going to consider a relationship until they are older and doing their own thing. I wouldn't have time to date and a new man would just complicate my life. I still have an amicable relationship with my ex and that works well for us all for now.

It helps that I love my own company and can happily potter if the dc are doing other things. I work full time and run regularly. I do not miss sex at all either which is handy!

Original poster
Vodkalovesme · 09/07/2017 17:30

Its really nice to hear other peoples stories of being single. To be honest.. ive never been properly single for a long time, i haf a terrible habit of jumping into relationships and im not being that person anymore. I am really enjoying doing my own thing, bed when i want, raising my daughter how i want ect ect. I think what worries me is not the present but the future. Like i said before.. i had plans. So i guess it will take some time readjusting.

OP posts:
TwoBusyCnuts · 09/07/2017 17:52

Been single for 11 years and well over the age of 40.
the last time a man so much as put his arm around me was in 2008.
very hard to meet decent men, so i have given up.

most of the time i don't mind being single.
i do think a lot of men are very needy. they don't seem to be able to pick up after themselves, are hugely selfish and are not happy unless they're getting laid at least 3 times a day.
i see a number of men in unhappy marriages that they drifted into and a number of single ones who are what i could only describe as subnormal.

i can see that i'm probably better off on my own.

provider5sectorzz9 · 09/07/2017 17:56

a number of single ones who are what i could only describe as subnormal Shock :o

Soopermum1 · 09/07/2017 18:15

Been single for nearly a year after a long marriage. Very very busy, work full time, the kids are very demanding. Their Dad finds it 'too painful ' to see them (twat) Enjoy it most of the time and never lonely but could do with a FWB or a boyfriend who's not too demanding. If I do get time to myself I enjoy the time alone, I sleep or I catch up on work. Been on a few dates and it's nice to have someone on the go to chat to on whatsapp but I don't have the time or energy for finding someone serious

howrudeforme · 09/07/2017 18:24

Have been single for 18 months officially after separating. However felt like a single mum years before that so actually leaving has been liberating in the parenting sense.

However I do feel lonely and unsupported (just as I did throughout the time as a parent when married).

Sold up and moved and I note that the first thing people say is not to worry, I'll meet someone else.

It's actually the last thing I want to hear. I'm busy working, looking after ds particularly as we've had to move school etc ,setting myself up financially etc.

It's freaking hard but I prefer to be lonely alone than lonely in the confines of an abusive partnership.

I've only just set myself up financially (stable but humble) and I cannot see myself sharing my hard work with a partner, ever, as I lost so much in the separation.

But I do continue to feel lonely.

provider5sectorzz9 · 09/07/2017 18:28

there are many pluses to being single, just being able to indulge yourself and not take another person into account.
I can cope with being in a relationship but only if it's very part time and the other person isnt demanding or putting any pressure on.
I would never ever live with someone again, I love living alone and am happiest in my own company