My long term boyfriend called me a cunt

[MoreThanAMum80]

Long story short, I'm 37 and my boyfriend is 35...we have been together for 16 months and he has a horrible temper. I never know what will set him off and when. I strife daily to be the best girlfriend and go above and beyond for him by ordering him food, giving him money, traveling 2 hours to see him when I can, cooking, doing his laundry when I visit, you name it. He can go from totally laid back and normal to a raging a-hole in 5.2 seconds. On normal days he's supportive and attentive but passive aggressively nit picks and criticises everything about me, from my interests to my healthy eating to my parenting(he is not a parent) and choice in tv shows/movies. When he gets angry or if I stand up for myself, he always resorts to using my weaknesses, childhood traumas and really anything that I've confided in him in, to hurt me. It makes me feel unsafe and like I can't trust him with my emotions and heart. So last night I sent him a video of a holographic water fountain in Japan and captioned it 'babe watch this till the end. It's so cool!' He then texted me and said 'that was a waste of 4 minutes of my life. Why would I care about a god damn water fountain? You made it sound like it would be exciting.' Then demanded that I apologize for wasting his time and misleading him to think it would be an exciting video because he could have been studying for that 4 minutes. I refused to apologize and that escalated to him calling me a cunt among every other insult in the book. I broke up with him. I always make excuses that he's in med school and stressed out because boards is coming up but I just don't see how you can speak to the woman you love like that on a regular basis and I'm at my wits end and left. I know it was the right thing to do but I just need some reassurance from my fellow mums My oldest daughter who is 16 can't stand him but my youngest who is 9 is absolutely crazy about him and she's devastated that I ended it but I can't have them growing up thinking that's how they should be treated.

morethanamum
You have dodged a bullet there.What a delusional twat.
Have some to go with the and Happy 4th July for tomorrow.

Eggplant why have you reported the OP? Doesn't matter where in the world she is!

@maras2 thank you and I will! I dodged a huge bullet for sure!

My deleted post simply said "reported" because I followed the guidelines and reported it, rather than troll hunt.

@JustDontGetItAtAll I emailed mumsnet support to see why and EggplantSundays thought my thread was a troll account and not real so he/she reported it

@Eggplantsundays my thread is indeed real and is not a troll account or trolling

Op don't just congratulate yourself on dumping this idiot bit on also raising a 16 who is seemingly a good judge of character

@MommaGee That is an incredible way of looking at it. I'm certainly a proud mommy

eggplant posting 'reported' is troll hunting! Just keep quiet and report if you feel the need. Can't understand why you reported it though.

OP well done on getting rid of him he's awful

Jesus. A year from now he could have bloody killed you. Not to dogpile, but what were you thinking?

Your eldest daughter was correct and should have been listened to. You put both of your children in danger bringing a monster into your home and polluting them with his abuse.

Really do consider the Freedom Program or some therapy so you can ensure you don't allow another of these sorts into your life. I mean, I know it's hard when you've never known a good relationship and don't know what a good man is supposed to look like. It's basically the opposite of everything you posted up there.

@Cirandeira I was focusing on the good stuff and chalking his outbursts and nitpicking on stress due to med school and just kept telling myself that it will get better....it will get better....this isn't normal circumstances of life and he won't be in school forever. I kept making excuses for him over and over and it was stupid. I knew somewhere deep inside that I should run but my heart was saying 'you don't just throw someone away because they have faults'. I tried to 'fix' him with love but I learned the hard way that you can't do that. People like that only take advantage of people like me.

Well done for getting rid of the knobhead!

@Cirandeira not to mention that he treated my girls like gold but me like shit but never directly in front of them. My eldest noticed just because she's older and puts little things together; my youngest is/was crazy about him. I guess I thought I could keep it separated but on some level I knew that it could never go farther and us ever live together because I knew it would get worse. Love and devotion isn't enough. Lesson learned for sure

My ex husbands favourite insult to me was 'cunt'. I warned him if he said it again I'd leave. I'm now divorced. If a man has no respect for you, he's a loser. Well done for getting rid x

@IDoDaChaCha it makes me wonder sometimes what's wrong with me that I'm not worth respecting. You know what I mean?

MoreThan, that's what they do to you- chip away at everything until you don't believe you're worth it yourself. Men like that are so dangerous. You deserve love and respect as much as anyone else! Xx

@IDoDaChaCha clearly that's what he's done of I'm even questioning it. As soon as he sees me get some confidence and self assurance or succeed at something, he says something to bring me down. Aggressively or passive aggressively. But it's always 'for my own good'

Sounds like my ex- his name doesn't begin with J does it?

You're well rid anyway!

MoreThan, HE is not worthy of YOU. Men like that are so insecure they have to bring others down. For his own good he should STFU x

it makes me wonder sometimes what's wrong with me that I'm not worth respecting. You know what I mean?

I think what is wrong with you as with many other women is that we do not dump their sorry arses sooner, thus wasting time that could be spent finding someone decent, respectful and appreciative.

Atenco, hear hear! Or be blissfully single.

I'd call him a cunt, but he lacks both the warmth and the depth!
Good for you, and good luck with your future.

Mumo, I wish I'd said that to my ex husband when I left him. Truly hilarious x

@mumoseven haha! That was clever and the truth. I also think the fact that he is Iranian and his upbringing plays a huge part in his 'issues'

@IDoDaChaCha I need to keep telling my myself that. He is not worthy of me. Not visa versa. That's why I left HIM.