My long term boyfriend called me a cunt

[MoreThanAMum80]

Long story short, I'm 37 and my boyfriend is 35...we have been together for 16 months and he has a horrible temper. I never know what will set him off and when. I strife daily to be the best girlfriend and go above and beyond for him by ordering him food, giving him money, traveling 2 hours to see him when I can, cooking, doing his laundry when I visit, you name it. He can go from totally laid back and normal to a raging a-hole in 5.2 seconds. On normal days he's supportive and attentive but passive aggressively nit picks and criticises everything about me, from my interests to my healthy eating to my parenting(he is not a parent) and choice in tv shows/movies. When he gets angry or if I stand up for myself, he always resorts to using my weaknesses, childhood traumas and really anything that I've confided in him in, to hurt me. It makes me feel unsafe and like I can't trust him with my emotions and heart. So last night I sent him a video of a holographic water fountain in Japan and captioned it 'babe watch this till the end. It's so cool!' He then texted me and said 'that was a waste of 4 minutes of my life. Why would I care about a god damn water fountain? You made it sound like it would be exciting.' Then demanded that I apologize for wasting his time and misleading him to think it would be an exciting video because he could have been studying for that 4 minutes. I refused to apologize and that escalated to him calling me a cunt among every other insult in the book. I broke up with him. I always make excuses that he's in med school and stressed out because boards is coming up but I just don't see how you can speak to the woman you love like that on a regular basis and I'm at my wits end and left. I know it was the right thing to do but I just need some reassurance from my fellow mums My oldest daughter who is 16 can't stand him but my youngest who is 9 is absolutely crazy about him and she's devastated that I ended it but I can't have them growing up thinking that's how they should be treated.

Thank you all so much. It gives me a lump in my throat to see so much support.

It's been 36 hours but I can feel myself getting stronger and stronger. I woke up last night in the middle of the night with a pang of guilt that I have abandoned HIM in the most stressful time of his life which is med school and guilt that he's alone and has no one now. I had to slap some sense into myself and realize that he inadvertently made this choice for himself. I didn't abandon, I'm putting myself first for once, as much as it hurts and feels selfish to do that.

I am looking forward to feeling strong and desirable being a single woman. And to be an admirable example to my two girls to be able to finally walk away from abuse and come out even stronger than before. That's what's most important to me.

@Thesingingtoad Yes! So much money will be saved. Not to mention the random money I gave him, extra money on groceries for him, etc. the more I type this out, the more I see how imbalanced it was. I was like his mother and he like having another spoiled child

He's a prick. Good riddance.

@PoorYorick not permission, just reassurance and reading from other women who have the same thinking as me. I have lost most all of my friends except for one because of him, so my support network is gone. I know I did the right thing but hearing it from others reinforces strength

@EmmaJR1 I definitely will, thank you!

Well done you, you're fab and did absolutely the right thing!

@SerendipityFelix I completely agree. It's a disgusting horrible term used to incite pain. And it's come from such a beautiful thing.

@Ashamed123 you know, that was always at the back of my mind. I always worried that if we ever moved in together that he would get physical. I even voiced that concern a few times to him and he said 'I've never hit a woman and never would' but there was ALWAYS an heir of deceit that I felt when he told me that. Something just didn't feel right in my gut, but I pushed it aside and kept on. I could never shake that nagging feeling that it would escalate one day. I grew up with an abusive father and escaped him. I'll be damned if I subject myself to hat again or my girls

Anyone who does not have the same thinking as us in the case of this snotrag is wrong. Sometimes it really is that simple.

@Itsnotwhatitseems Its refreshing to talk to someone who's been through the same thing I've lost myself and forgot who 'me' is. I didn't realize how much I lost myself until the past 36 hours that I've had no contact with this guy. I feel like I'm lost in an oblivion. My identity was, along with being a mother, was his girlfriend and caretaker. But now I need to be my own caretaker for once

Fuck me! Is he studying to be a doctor?

@misit yup he is. Scary right? But he comes across as so soft spoken and composed to the outer world. If you were to meet him, you'd love him and think 'no way this guy has a temper and is an abuser'. But behind closed doors with me, he's a monster. It's like there are two completely different personalities. He shows me this side that he wouldn't dare let anyone else see. One thing that he said that REALLY sparked a red flag was 'I can see why these guys who shoot up places. They get pushed to the max by society and lose it. This school is pushing me to the max.' Now I don't think he'd ever do something like that but to even VOCALIZE that kind of thought is terrifying. He's also said to me 'I have no control when I'm angry. I never know what I'll do.' RED FLAG. I was so stupid to ignore all of these

Can I ask gently - why did you feel the need to do his laundry, give him money, sort his food? it sounds like you feel that doing all these things is what constitutes being loving, whereas it sounds like you turned yourself into his servant. Please please don't do this again, it sounds so unequal and like you subjugated yourself. Well done for getting rid!

Congratulations on ridding yourself of an arsehole. You did absolutely the right thing to break up with this guy. What a jerk!

@solsbury I suppose I saw it as me trying to be selfless and putting someone else's needs before my own. I was trying to be a good girlfriend to someone who was going through a hard time in their life. I did feel sometimes that I was like a servant but I figured 'well I would appreciate being taken care of and helped out if I needed it so I'll do the same for him.'

I felt that doing any less than I was physically and monetarily capable of was being selfish

@Eggplantsundays reported?

Where are you, OP?

@Eggplantsundays Maryland, US

Bravo for leaving him. Do not go back to this man!

For what it's worth, I've seen that video and it is amazing.

@flickerty Ah, see?? Isn't it awesome? Haha

And no way can I go back. This isn't my first try leaving but it will be my last

@Eggplantsundays can I ask why you reported my thread (if that's what your 'reported' comment meant)?

Bastard has a DR/God complex already.
Well done for dumping his sorry arse
How come he's in med school in his mid 30's though?

@maras2 it took him a while to get his life together and decided to start pre-med when he was 30. But yes, doctor/God complex has already started. I've already heard 'don't you know that I'm getting a doctorate in the medical field?! I'll be an expert! The highest you can achieve! You don't know shit!'

Aquamarine She already has dumped him