Scared to have sex

[changedmynameagain87]

Ok this sounds stupid but I'm too nervous because I'm off the pill and can't take any other hormonal contraception, I don't trust condoms, not a chance In hell im having a copper coil and df won't have the snip. Basically I'm too worried about getting pregnant again. Got two kids, no more ta! I've only been off the pill three months and cycles are irregular still, 24,24,26 days so I don't feel like I can trust my body either. Literally abstinence is the only way but that's unfair on my fiancé isn't it?

Why don't you trust condoms? I used them for years and didn't get pregnant. First month we tried for a baby we got pregnant so no fertility issues.

Condoms are very reliable when used correctly.

I also can't use hormonal contraceptives so this was the best for us. If you are at a stable weight can you try a diaphragm?

Well for one, I see them as the ultimate romance killer and I can't relax using them incase they split so I'm too tense.

Men can feel condoms split (my ex could anyway) so if it happens you just pause proceedings while you whip a new one out. Was with him 8 years and used condoms throughout- never fell pregnant and never felt like it killed the romance.

Surely the whole "wait a second darling whilst I put the raincoat on" kills the moment?

Not getting the snip is unfair of him, so no problems there

we use them, it doesn't kill the moment for us. i do prefer without but hate hormonal contraception.

Another fan of condoms here! I don't like hormonal contraceptives so I've been using them for over 20 years (with DH and previous boyfriends) and never had an unwanted pregnancy. No fertility issues either. I have once had a condom split, but it's obvious what has happened so you can go and get the MAP. It may be slightly unromantic but better than abstinence surely?!

I dunno, I haven't missed it yet

If you're definite on now having any more DC, you could ask for sterilization. Less chance of side effects for you than a vasectomy.

Surely the whole "wait a second darling whilst I put the raincoat on" kills the moment?

Are you very young? That's quite an immature excuse attitude. I've come across it in younger people.

If a condom splits you can get the MAP and if you still get pregnant you can have a termination provided you are in a country that offers them.

There are pros and cons to condoms.

The con is the brief pause in proceedings to put one on.

The pro is that the semen is all contained, so much less mess to clear up afterwards, and you don't need to traipse to the bathroom when you would rather just fall asleep.

Unilaterally removing sexual intimacy from a relationship is a romance killer.

Less chance of side effects for you than a vasectomy.

We've recently got medical advice on the same subject, and we're told the opposite, actually. Small but significant risk of serious problems (internal bleeding, damage to other organs) with female sterilisation but not with vasectomy. Plus, the risk of ectopic pregnancy. We've been advised strongly by separate doctors that vasectomy is simpler and less risky, and as such DH is booked in for shortly after our child is due.

OP I don't think it's unfair on your fiancé, since he won't do the form of contraception open to him, to not have PIV sex. However, it's not PIV or abstinence - there are lots of, erm, options in between. You can both still give each other orgasms...

Condoms don't split often if put on correctly. Me & dh used them for many years with no splits or any other accidents before we ttc our dc. They are not passion killers, some very good "real feel" thin ones these days. Dh has never made a big fuss about putting them on Or I can do it no "oh just wait a minute"

Unlikely a condom would split but there is always the morning after pill if it should happen.

No way just rely on condoms for contraception if you're young and fertile - they're only about 80-85% effective in 'real world' terms.

MeanAger err I'm 30 with two kids.

Me and my boyfriend use condoms, I got pregnant on the implant and I prefer that you can generally tell if the condoms not worked, i.e come off or split.
It means we can't be quite so spontaneous, although my bf's taken to leaving some in kitchen drawers so he doesn't have to run upstairs if we're having a quickie downstairs.
But it doesn't spoil the mood, it takes him seconds to put on, and I quite like watching him do it!
There's been the odd time he's taken a while looking for one in the drawer or something, but we just make it lighthearted.
I think last time I was just telling him to hurry up or I'd carrying on without him!!

Ok, so, you don't want anymore kids, you still want to have sex but don't want you or your partner to be on any form of contraception? If you have sex without it, at some point you will get pregnant again. So something has to give. You either have to use conforms, go back on the pill, or don't have sex. You can't expect to have the benefits of not getting pregnant, without actually doing anything about it. Why did you come off the pill?

We've just started using condoms, in addition to the pill. I also don't want anymore children. DH has it ready, opened I think, in easy reach. Takes a few seconds to put on and I am fairly sure it makes him last longer.

It's certainly not the time consuming, fumbly experience I remembered as a teenager.

With 2 little children who like to play musical beds, and little buggers at bedtime, a few seconds wait certainly isn't going to kill the mood when we can finally find time and space to be intimate with each other.

Conforms = conforms! Btw. Typo.
I used condoms for years, they never let me down, worked every time. They do kill the moment a little, I know what you mean by saying that, but you get over it

I was thirty with 2 kids. I had been sterilised for a year at that point though, all good.

Ok so you're past the stage of sex being all magical and sparkly. Surely you can cope with a few seconds to put a condom on without the moment being ruined. You're an adult.

Bloody hell why won't it let me type the word condoms?! Argh! 😫

Ima I can't have hormonal contraceptives as they trigger migraines.

It's been four months without full sex and 6 weeks since err other stuff. I honestly don't miss it so will see how long I can drag it out.

Have you looked into an implant or the coil?