Scared to have sex

[changedmynameagain87]

Ok this sounds stupid but I'm too nervous because I'm off the pill and can't take any other hormonal contraception, I don't trust condoms, not a chance In hell im having a copper coil and df won't have the snip. Basically I'm too worried about getting pregnant again. Got two kids, no more ta! I've only been off the pill three months and cycles are irregular still, 24,24,26 days so I don't feel like I can trust my body either. Literally abstinence is the only way but that's unfair on my fiancé isn't it?

How can condoms be more of a "romance killer" than no sex!
How about the cap, or the ring?

Shox I can't have any hormonal contraceptives and there's not a chance in hell I'll have a copper coil. Car crash bloodbath periods are not exactly an attractive trait.

Ditto gruffalo. No hormonal contraceptives.

Get fitted with a diaphragm and use condoms as well? We used condoms for 10 years with no splits or problems. Takes not even a second to put on.

Do you not miss it because of the worrying or other reasons?
If you're both ok with it and don't miss it then fine, but if not I'd imagine it will cause problems in your relationship very soon.

Speak to your fiancé, is he ok with the lack of sex? why won't he have the snip? Does he want more dc?

t's been four months without full sex and 6 weeks since err other stuff. I honestly don't miss it so will see how long I can drag it out.

Well it's a good job you have a mature attitude about it...oh wait...theres nothing wrong with condoms at all and they take seconds to put on

I honestly don't miss it so will see how long I can drag it out.

Good luck with that.

Thanks Sherlock

I am not allowed hormonal contraceptives due to migraines but I was allowed the mirena coil and had it for the fill 5 years with no issues. A coil sounds like your only option, if you don't want a copper one try a mirena as it will most likely stop your periods all together. If you're not willing to try a coil then sterilisation seems the only other option.

My neurologist has said nothing whatsoever, including mirena.

I can't relax using them incase they split so I'm too tense.
They shouldn't split if they're used correctly, you're wet, they are the right size, they have been stored correctly, and you don't get oil on them. I've used them extensively and only 1 split, and that was 25+ years ago. Unfortunately the twat came inside me even though he thought it felt different, so I went and got the MAP and dumped him

It's been four months without full sex and 6 weeks since err other stuff. I honestly don't miss it so will see how long I can drag it out.
You'll see how long you can drag is out?!

I have an incredibly low non existent sex drive so only ever do it infrequently for his sake. That was when I was on the pill. Now I'm even less inclined.

Not really sure that condoms kill the mood THAT much.

Have you discussed options with family planning?

The way I see it is your options are

Condoms
Diaphragm
Condom with withdrawal method
Vasectomy
Sterilisation
Abstinence

Best thing is to talk out your options with your partner as, I must say, on paper here condoms seem like the best answer for now. I can understand the anxiety around using them but used appropriately, condoms are 99% effective. So that means - put on properly, good fit, taken off right away.
And even then as PP suggested - if a condom malfunction were to happen there is the MAP (albeit with hormones) or the just incase and maybe a bit controversial abortion option.

I think your other threads give a slightly fuller picture OP. You're about to get married and have had sex 5 times in 5 years. Your partner is obviously prepared to accept your lack of interest in him, in fact you say you don't even love him, so what's the actual problem?

I'm not sure why you're worried about condoms killing the mood then?

I have a copper coil, periods last a day longer. That's the only change. Fitting was ok, I have no DC and I'm on my second

Condoms don't kill the mood. Men look quite sexy putting them on, or you can do it for him.

But that's not the issue really, is it?

Not read your other posts but from what others have said, are you maybe using the scared of getting pregnant as an excuse?

You don't like sex that's fine so long as you're honest with your fiancé. Please don't let him get the snip if he's not sure and it wouldn't actually change things for you though, that would be very cruel.

I agree Mumbod was thinking I was a bit weird, but I love watching him put it on!

Personally I think you are just finding any excuse not too have sex. It's obviously your choice but no point in lying about it.

KungFu I really hope you're not a migraine sufferer too.

You're not scared to have sex, you just don't want to.

If I got pregnant again it'd be absolutely terrible. The risk of that is just too high.

Is the issue really that you don't want to have sex at all? Do you feel pressured into it?

If not have you considered non piv sex? E.g. hand jobs; blow jobs; anal

You may be a special case but don't give the impression that mirena and in fact other progestigen based hormonal contraceptives are contraindicated for migraine because they are not.
Most people( including me) who use copper coils may have slightly longer and heavier periods but not enough to put them off the method .i fit them and although this is the commonest reason for removal after wanting to conceive or being past the menopause it is unusual. They work well and are well tolerated.
Prior to the coil I used Condims successfully for many years... again; this suits many particularly if you are also extra mindful around your fertile window which I would have thought would not be a big problem for you given your infrequent sexual activity. If you have a family plannng clinic or a expert at your GP practice you can as said by pp get a cap fitted as well.
I agree with pp that you are putting up unnecessary barriers here and perhaps need a frank and generous conversation with your partner....