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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it me? I'm on the edge...

76 replies

troubleinparadise · 01/07/2017 23:33

NC for this but don't often post.

Basic background: been married three months, have two kids between us (one each from previous relationships, I am 9 weeks pregnant.

Please give me some advice on whether I am being over sensitive and unreasonable or whether my 'd'h is just a horrible arsehole.

Since we got married I feel like he's just not stopped having a go at me. For anything and everything but off the top of my head: I'm working too hard/too late yet don't earn enough money (I'm a teacher);
I need to make more effort with losing weight. I lost a couple of stone before the wedding with slimming world (still not slim! Size16-18) and when I found out I was pregnant I said to him that I would try to keep it up so I don't put it all back on. However, I am really struggling with morning (all day) sickness so just been eating simple bits and pieces (some unhealthy- I hold my hands up) while I don't fancy our usual slimming world recipes. He is very much put out by my lack of cooking so having to fend for himself too! Anyway, I went to SW (with him, he wants to lose a few pounds too) and maintained my weight and said I was happy with that for the time being. He went mad at me saying I should be at least trying and shouldn't be so defeatist. I was really upset about this and pointed out how hard it is in the first trimester when you feel rotten and he told me I was just using it as an excuse! Also when I pointed out how I was two stone heavier when he met me he said it didn't matter then because we got on like a house on fire then Sad

Other hurtful thing: I had a really bad breakout on my chin a couple of weeks ago and went to the doctors- he gave me some antibiotics and steroid cream and arranged for a blood test for me. It has cleared up mainly but there are still lingering spots that keep appearing and last night he kissed me on the cheek and made a face pointing at my chin saying he didn't want to kiss me in case he caught something from me. Now I do realise that spots aren't particularly attractive but it really hurt me and I got upset which he was the annoyed by. Now I'm so paranoid about my face and feeling terrible that earlier that evening I went to visit my best friend and her baby and was kissing the baby and thinking about whether I shouldn't have kissed him and whether my friend was thinking "eww, get off my baby" Sad

Sorry, I know this is long.

Last thing I want to mention: he loses his temper easily - mainly if I ask him to do something or he has to pay for something. Today lost his temper with me for "starting an argument" when all I'd done I'd ask whether he had two car seats in his car for the kids then got annoyed with his sarcastic response. Following this, he proceeded to not speak to me all day - we went out for lunch and to the cinema with the kids. Including when I was dry heaving in the car - ignored me and later when he knew I was throwing up- ignored me. Is it really too much to expect him to come and see if I'm okay? When I called him out on it, his response was, "what can I do?" Hmm

Sorry again for length!
Do be honest!

OP posts:
IWishedIWasSomeoneElse · 04/07/2017 09:25

Op does this sound familiar?
He's very friendly and carries out over the top displays of his love for you, all your friends /family think youre so lucky because he obviously adores you and he is so 'good' to you, when in reality he is mean.
You find it difficult putting your thoughts and feelings about how he actually treats you into words because 'some' of the time he is so sweet.
When he does something to hurt you you end up trying to excuse away his blame or absorbing it yourself, he tells you your imagining things, too sensitive, crazy even.
You don't feel comfortable raising or confronting issues with him for fear of his reaction.
Does he ignore you, shout at you, call your names and purposely make you feel bad when you do try to talk to him about him upsetting you.
Does his treatment of you include a nice/nasty/nice/nasty cycle which makes you feel so confused that you feel like youre going mad.
Is he continuously reminding you of how well he treats you what a good man he is.
Does he have very little control of his temper and views any form of you 'calling him out on his behaviour ' as criticism.
Does he turn things round, twist your words, purposely pretend to not understand your point during disagreements. Is everything always your fault because you expect too much, dont appreciate him and everything he does, or are too moody/miserable
Does he drink alot?

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