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Original poster

Can a police officer ask me out

69 replies

ilovemyCheebie · 30/06/2017 10:00

If he is conducting a case with me?

(a small matter in which I am victim). Last time he came over he spent ages with me just chatting and hanging out with me and my daughter, he asked me what I was doing for the rest of the day and I said I was going to see my mum in hospital, he said he wished he could give me a lift but that as soon as he gets in the car he has to go the station cause he took so long and when he gets in the car the radio turns on or something? I guess he had turned his off. I had a car anyway. After he left he called and said the case was almost over pretty much.. So I don't know if i will see him again.

If a police man can't ask someone out while on the case can he ask me out after the matter is closed? he seemed to be telling me he liked me and said he doesn't really meet people he likes in his job. I am introverted and I don't ask men out, he also seemed introverted so maybe he wouldn't be so forward either.. I'm a bit confused as he seemed to really want to spend more time with me last time I saw him and was quite flirty, in a sweet way (not creepy), I really like him. Is there any possibility he would be able to ask me out and it not go against his job. I have no idea what the rules are around it

OP posts:
LesisMiserable · 30/06/2017 10:11

I'm sure it happens all the time. Hopefully you're right, he likes you and he will ask you 😊

Shoxfordian · 30/06/2017 10:22

He definitely shouldn't

It's inappropriate because you're the victim of a crime and he is in a position of authority. He would probably be reported for misconduct if anyone knew.

FeckinCrutches · 30/06/2017 10:24

Do you want him to ask you out?

Original poster
ilovemyCheebie · 30/06/2017 10:25

@Shoxfordian ...I thought it must be something like that... Does that mean I also can't ask him?

OP posts:
Original poster
ilovemyCheebie · 30/06/2017 10:26

@FeckinCrutches I like him, we got on so well

OP posts:
lovemycatsanddog · 30/06/2017 10:28

I am sure he can ask you out after the case is closed,
Saw something a few days ago where this happened, just cant remember where

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 30/06/2017 10:29

No, hugely innappropriate. He's abusing his position or trust & authority.
You are classed as a vulnerable adult and I'd be very wary of any person behaving that way in those circumstances.

Shoxfordian · 30/06/2017 10:31

No I'd leave it

Find someone else as you'd be putting him in a really awkward position.

Shoxfordian · 30/06/2017 10:35

Also he was supposed to be empathetic and kind to you. It's possible you're misreading this as flirting

AnnieOH1 · 30/06/2017 10:36

Personally I think you need to work out whether you are a vulnerable person. To the extreme there's a major difference between a rape victim and someone who has had her lawn ornaments stolen.

Provided it is something not serious I can't see an issue with you two meeting up. If it is more serious then it would be inappropriate. There is a reaction that happens where people become attracted to their rescuers, be that the fireman who gets them from the car or the policewoman who listens and helps out a DV victim.

Best of luck! Xx

DJBaggySmalls · 30/06/2017 10:48

No he cant. It would be inappropriate.
Wait til after the case is resolved and drop a thank you card with your phone number in it at his station.

lovemycatsanddog · 30/06/2017 10:48

The op didnt sound like a vulnerable person, she said it was a small matter,
The policeman could just have been being kind to her,she could have read it wrong,but there is nothing to say its not appropriate to him asking her out
If i was her i wouldnt ask him, just wait and see if he asks her

Glitterkitten24 · 30/06/2017 10:51

I know a policeman who met his wife to be when she was in a traffic accident and he attended. I suppose it would depend on what the case was about and how serious it was.

Chloe84 · 30/06/2017 10:54

There have been so many cases of police exploiting their position of power with vulnerable women. I would be wondering if he is one of those.

RedPeppers · 30/06/2017 10:54

Once the case is closed only for the reasons highlighted above.
Besides, how is he supposed to be neutral in the conduct of the case if he is going out with you Confused?
Note: this could be playing in your favour but also AGAINST you

So is it t ok to ask him out or for him to ask you out?
Yep but once the case is closed OR he is not involved in it anymore.

Kickhiminthenuts · 30/06/2017 10:58

No i don't think he should it is inappropriate.

Where i used to live there was a policeman who would turn up on women doorsteps a day or two after stopping them in their cars to "check they are ok?".

He ended up marrying one, but he was well known for it. He was an extreme, id imagine it happens a fair bit. Id maybe express disappointment that you wont see him again, but leave it to him.There must be a period of time where it becomes "ok"

earthangel797 · 30/06/2017 11:02

I once witnessed an assault in a pub and when the police came i got taken to the station close by to give a statement. The policemen was super flirty with me and asked for my number after so it does happen. They shouldn't do it but I guess they do sometimes. I didn't take his number as had a boyfriend at the time.

I hope he takes a risk and asks you out as it sounds like you like him.

janesmom · 30/06/2017 11:03

Only becomes an issue if you complain against him.

Presumably you are best placed to whether you are vulnerable or not?

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 30/06/2017 11:07

Apologies re the vulnerable adult comment, misread the OP.

It'd still be inappropriate, and I would still be very wary.

Rufus27 · 30/06/2017 11:13

Sorry to derail, but reminds me of my Godmother:
She was a young (naive) nurse in hospital and had to remove a young man's stitches. The stitches were where a guy probably doesn't want stitches. As she did it, she got an unstoppable fit of the giggles and had to run off and my mum (her best friend and colleague) finished the job. My mum asked him not to tell Sister. He agreed, providing Godmother went on a date with him.
They have now been happily married for 53 years!

ExConstance · 30/06/2017 11:22

I hate the presumption by some posters that as the victim of a crime you are vulnerable. It might be a stolen bicycle, a traffic matter, criminal damage to premises, a minor burglary - it doesn't follow.
I think the best advice on this thread is to drop the thank you note into the police station with your number on and see what happens.

wtffgs · 30/06/2017 11:28

I'm sure it would be a disciplinary offence because he is in a position of trust. I'm not a copper though, so happy to be put right.

I just thinks it's a bit dodgy. Say you get together, will he still have an eye out for women when he's out on calls.

He might be completely above board, but there's been a lot of reporting about police officers who've abused their position. It doesn't mean all coppers would, but a man (usually a man) who is inclined to mistreat women will be drawn to jobs where such opportunities are more likely to arise.

Pannnn · 30/06/2017 11:28

Some knee-jerk reaction stuff here.

It WOULD be best if neither of you did anything until the case is resolved, or at least his role in it is ended. Then of course a note to him with your number in it would be fine and a trigger for him to know you are interested.

becotide · 30/06/2017 11:29

Hmmmmmmmm.

I'd wait until the case is over then drop in a little box of chocolates with a card and your phone number

mogonfoxnight · 30/06/2017 11:31

rufus that is such a sweet story!

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