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Original poster

Can a police officer ask me out

69 replies

ilovemyCheebie · 30/06/2017 10:00

If he is conducting a case with me?

(a small matter in which I am victim). Last time he came over he spent ages with me just chatting and hanging out with me and my daughter, he asked me what I was doing for the rest of the day and I said I was going to see my mum in hospital, he said he wished he could give me a lift but that as soon as he gets in the car he has to go the station cause he took so long and when he gets in the car the radio turns on or something? I guess he had turned his off. I had a car anyway. After he left he called and said the case was almost over pretty much.. So I don't know if i will see him again.

If a police man can't ask someone out while on the case can he ask me out after the matter is closed? he seemed to be telling me he liked me and said he doesn't really meet people he likes in his job. I am introverted and I don't ask men out, he also seemed introverted so maybe he wouldn't be so forward either.. I'm a bit confused as he seemed to really want to spend more time with me last time I saw him and was quite flirty, in a sweet way (not creepy), I really like him. Is there any possibility he would be able to ask me out and it not go against his job. I have no idea what the rules are around it

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 30/06/2017 11:35

Exactly this happened with a friend of mine. Burglary and he was involved in her victim support stuff.

He was also 'really sweet and not creepy' and turned out to be a nasty little predator - with a partner, incidentally. She didn't feel she could report him as she'd initially been ok with it.

Tread very carefully.

hellomoon · 30/06/2017 11:41

I can't see why there would be a problem if a) the matter was closed and b) he asked you out whilst not in uniform or on shift.

Anyway - he's the police officer. Let him worry about the law! If he asks you and you want to say yes - THEN SAY YES!

FizzyGreenWater · 30/06/2017 11:42

To add- alarm bells ringing here as they did with my friend as: a good responsible officer simply wouldn't be sending out those signals on the job- telling you about meeting people he likes etc. That's what this guy did and yes, he was dodgy as fuck 😡

category12 · 30/06/2017 11:43

I'd be very cautious. He probably does this a lot with women.

Some police are sterling characters, and some are drawn to policing for less savoury reasons, (as with any job with perceived authority/access to vulnerable people) . Using victim support as an opportunity to connect with you is a bit sus.

innagazing · 30/06/2017 11:43

The thing is, it's not just about the victim being vulnerable. Whatever the situation, the Police are in a position of authority and provide a Public Service. Flirting and trying to get a date is totally unacceptable as it could be seen as a sexual harassment, and also lead to all sorts of difficulties and possible allegations. Additionally, the police are collecting evidence and taking statements, and are supposed to be impartial as these matters go to Court. It certainly would compromise any legal proceedings and would not be impartial.
Wait until after the outcome of the case, and do as another poster suggested and drop him a card or text to thank him with your phone number

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 30/06/2017 11:53

I don't want to dampen your ardour OP, but I would strongly bear in mind, what CHLOE84 and CATEGORY12, have had to say.
Has he mentioned any aspect of his personal life, children, a wife/ex wife ?

Optimouse · 30/06/2017 13:14

I work in Police Professional Standards and of the Force find out he has even been flirting with you it would be gross misconduct and he would be sacked. He should not ask you out even after the case is finished as it is a massive no no because of the risk of abuse of authority for a sexual purpose. If he does he will be sacked. It doesn't matter if you're vulnerable or not these days.
Please do him and you a favour and avoid him like the plague. There is no longer a 'safe' amount of time to wait before you can date someone you have met through work. Sorry OP Flowers

Changedname3456 · 30/06/2017 16:31

"Force find out he has even been flirting with you it would be gross misconduct and he would be sacked."

Bloody hell. Must be about the only thing a policeman would get sacked for then!

Shoot an innocent person - no problem. Lie through your teeth and frame the innocent - not an issue. Collude with local criminals and take payments - who cares? Have sex whilst on shift - good for you mate!

I've seen all of those reported on in the press, and at the very worst the policeman in question has had to retire early. On full pension.

OP Cops routinely get nothing more than "words of advice" for crimes that would see Joe Punter doing time. I very much doubt they'd do anything to him for flirting with you, or for taking you on a date (assuming he wants to).

OfCourseItsNotOk · 30/06/2017 16:49

This is absolutely NOT ok for the police officer to be acting in this way. The National Police Chiefs Council and the College of Policing are just about to launch a policy aimed at exactly this - police officers abusing their authority for sexual gain.

The Police Code of Ethics is already absolutely clear on this matter - it is an abuse of authority.

Can I ask what the matter is that you were the victim in? Is he the investigating officer?

I can pretty much guarantee that this will not be the first time he will have done this. Sexual predators often target people who are 'introverted'.

What is he doing with his time that he can spend ages hanging out with you & your daughter chatting you up and flirting when he is on duty?

And to clarify your question, can he ask you out once the case is closed? Probably not. The policy states that where there has been previous professional contact, factors to be taken into consideration would be the nature of their involvement with you (investigating officer would not be ok), whether you are vulnerable, the length of time that has elapsed, and the degree of involvement with you. So if you both happened to bump into each other in a couple of years' time after a minor contact - maybe ok. Saying the case is now over, so I can ask you out, and I have been spending the last number of months grooming you whilst on duty (probably because when he is off duty he is at home with his wife & family) = an abuse of authority.

I'll pm you if that is ok, because what he is doing is an abuse of his authority.

OfCourseItsNotOk · 30/06/2017 16:55

Optimouse Wink

Changedname3456 · 30/06/2017 18:07

Please do report him... and then come back and tell us what the consequences actually were OP.

MeanAger · 30/06/2017 18:10

He sounds unprofessional and creepy. I'd give him a wide berth.

Isetan · 30/06/2017 18:30

It's very unprofessional and I wouldn't be impressed by someone in his position behaving this way.

Minime85 · 30/06/2017 18:31

Simply, no. it's not ok.

Mummamayhem · 30/06/2017 18:31

No! Appaulling lack of professional boundaries.

Thisarmingman · 30/06/2017 18:37

Are you Keeley Hawes?

Anyway tbh I agree that he sounds creepy. Was he supposed to be working when he was in your place flirting with you?

DancesWithOtters · 30/06/2017 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyFavouriteName · 30/06/2017 18:49

He should always have his radio on so the fact he doesn't means he knows he's not behaving appropriately. Especially with his comments about being a long time

MrsWhirly · 30/06/2017 18:54

No, he should not. Technically it's abuse by someone in a position of trust.

Ginorchoc · 30/06/2017 19:09

No it's unprofessional, did he actually ask you out? I've been on cases and a victim or witness the uniform plus the friendly manner and misinterpreted the situation.

I've also witnessed the same happen to male and female colleagues, had many a handcuff or uniform joke until I've made it clear and then the mood soon turned.

He shouldn't be flirting.

Ginorchoc · 30/06/2017 19:11

Excuse my typos, I can't type on my ruddy phone!

FindingJessica · 30/06/2017 19:23

I'm surprised he'd be showing interest in you on duty. I'm sure there are many lovely policeman out there but I've been out with one recently and he treated me really badly and disrespectfully (sadly, a couple of friends of mine have had unhappy relationships with them too) so I'd be careful of one showing interest in you on duty.

OfCourseItsNotOk · 30/06/2017 21:04

OP I apologise for having advance searched your user name, but I think it is relevant. You have a history of abuse, have recently emerged from a sexually abusive relationship with a man twice your age (is that what the police contact has been about?) and are now a single mother with a young child.

You may not think you are vulnerable, but he will certainly have cottoned on to that. How do you feel about the fact he has probably researched you on police IT systems?

I work in this field. I recognise all the signs of abuse of authority in what you have described. I've seen it far too many times before. That this sort of man may get the opportunity to remain in his role, and target another woman in these circumstances makes me really frustrated. There are so many fantastic, professional officers in policing, and the actions of a few sully the reputation of the rest.

fairydustandpixies · 30/06/2017 21:10

My FWB was a police officer for a number of years. Some of the things he got up to are, hmmmm, mind opening?!
Keep your distance until the case is over and then go for it!! xx

Redglitter · 30/06/2017 21:17

He should always have his radio on so the fact he doesn't means he knows he's not behaving appropriately. Especially with his comments about being a long time

I doubt very much he'd have his radio off. It shows up in the control room that it's off so that's drawing attention to him if he did. He probably means when he gets into the car the gps tracking will kick in and show where he is and where he's driving to