Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can a police officer ask me out

69 replies

ilovemyCheebie · 30/06/2017 10:00

If he is conducting a case with me?

(a small matter in which I am victim). Last time he came over he spent ages with me just chatting and hanging out with me and my daughter, he asked me what I was doing for the rest of the day and I said I was going to see my mum in hospital, he said he wished he could give me a lift but that as soon as he gets in the car he has to go the station cause he took so long and when he gets in the car the radio turns on or something? I guess he had turned his off. I had a car anyway. After he left he called and said the case was almost over pretty much.. So I don't know if i will see him again.

If a police man can't ask someone out while on the case can he ask me out after the matter is closed? he seemed to be telling me he liked me and said he doesn't really meet people he likes in his job. I am introverted and I don't ask men out, he also seemed introverted so maybe he wouldn't be so forward either.. I'm a bit confused as he seemed to really want to spend more time with me last time I saw him and was quite flirty, in a sweet way (not creepy), I really like him. Is there any possibility he would be able to ask me out and it not go against his job. I have no idea what the rules are around it

OP posts:
mummy2pickle · 30/06/2017 21:22

No he definitely can't begin any form of relationship with you or any victim he has dealt with. It is a big no no and a definite professional standards issue which would/could lead to a dismissal. I would hope he would understand this and wouldn't continue any unprofessional contact once your case is closed and requires no further police action.

honeyroar · 30/06/2017 21:24

We had an incident at work that required the police. Three officers came, took statements etc. A few hours later one of them called my colleague and asked her out - he'd taken her number from the witness form. I thought it was really dodgy, but she went out with him, for six months, then it turned out that he'd forgotten he had a wife. He was definitely dodgy. Probably did it all the time.

LucieLucie · 30/06/2017 21:29

What was the case op? If you're a victim of a domestic incident or any other crime actually he's taking advantage of a vulnerable witness. Not cool, not professional.

There is a problem amongst the uniformed sector around power and abuse of such. You may find he's a bit of a player who preys on vulnerable women while he's in uniform.

Highly unlikely to be 'love at first sight', sorry.

ChicRock · 30/06/2017 21:32

Last time he came over he spent ages with me just chatting and hanging out with me and my daughter

Unprofessional, creepy as fuck, and an utter waste of time - another supposedly "stretched to the limit" public sector worker that apparently are soooo busy they don't have time in their busy busy days to even go to the toilet Hmm

OfCourseItsNotOk · 30/06/2017 21:40

ChicRock I think it is only fair to point out that he is not representative of most police officers. Unfortunately though it does happen, and when it does, it has major impact on trust and confidence, even though the actual numbers are relatively small.

If Professional Standards Departments are made aware of it they will follow it up. There really is no room in policing for those who abuse their position.

If you, or anyone you know is in a similar position, you can phone 101 and ask to speak to either the Professional Standards Department or the Anti-Corruption Unit and report the matter. It can be done in confidence.

ChicRock · 30/06/2017 22:00

I doubt the actual numbers are relatively small, I think they're probably far higher than anyone would think.

Not only does this creep have far too much working time on his hands to waste, flirting up a storm with vulnerable women and their daughters, but clearly he isn't accountable to anyone further up the chain of command who gives a shit enough to check up on what he's actually doing during his working day.

As for "no room in policing for those who abuse their position" - hahahahaha. You're kidding, right?

NorthernChinchilla · 30/06/2017 22:26

Like PP, I work in Police Professional Standards.
The answer is a big fat NO! with an an addition of please report him to his Force. We deal with shits like him far too often and we need to get him out the Service.

dailymailarecunts · 30/06/2017 22:37

My ex did this with me - I wish I'd started a thread and steered clear!

We got burgled at work, he came out to sort it, added me on fb and asked me out. Turned out he had a fiancé, they split up and he moved in with me almost straight away (I know, I'm a fool!) and then I discovered he was shagging escorts he met through work.

For those saying they work in police professional standards though - I complained to the IPCC about it all, they investigated it all (I had evidence of him using escorts / people he had met through work) but the outcome of their investigation was that he had done nothing wrong and that police are entitled to a private life......

Stay well clear OP!

Freddystarshamster · 30/06/2017 23:02

As for "no room in policing for those who abuse their position" - hahahahaha. You're kidding, right?

How long have you worked for PSD and how many officers have you let off this sort of behaviour then?

Freddystarshamster · 30/06/2017 23:05

OP Cops routinely get nothing more than "words of advice" for crimes that would see Joe Punter doing time

Any proof of that?

OfCourseItsNotOk · 30/06/2017 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Changedname3456 · 01/07/2017 00:04

Freddy, bore off and troll someone else.

Perhaps Berylstreep's last post, given that she purportedly does work for one of the forces, might point you to at least part of the problem. That and they all keep it nice and cosy and in-house.

Freddystarshamster · 01/07/2017 00:33

So that's a no then changedname?

NotYoda · 01/07/2017 08:17

I don't know about the legalities of this, but the morality of this is that he's exploiting you and your radar is not working properly. It's screaming out from your post

Poor ickle introvert who doesn't meet nice people on his job? Bullshit

NotYoda · 01/07/2017 08:18

He could also be married

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 01/07/2017 08:55

CHEEBIE, please try to recognise, that for you, this is a different kind of abuse, he is preying on your naivety and vulnerability.
All that glitters isn't gold. Do not engage.

NotYoda · 01/07/2017 09:15

Yes, I agree, Your history is hugely relevant

OfCourseItsNotOk · 01/07/2017 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 02/07/2017 12:14

If it's a small matter and you like him, I don't see the harm in you sending him a friendly 'thank you' messsage which also show you're interested at the same time. (Once the matter is closed.) Probably slightly inappropriate if he does the chasing at this stage, but it seems a shame to miss an opportunity if there's mutual interest and it isn't in connection with a horrible crime such as sexual assault. You might have to step up and show interest to avoid getting him into trouble.

I once had a a police officer chat me up openly when I was reporting my ExH for harassment and had tears streaming down my face. Now that WAS inappropriate and weird.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread