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Original poster

Messages on boyfriends phone!

79 replies

TimesLikeThese · 29/06/2017 22:38

Not new to mumsnet just name changed.

My boyfriend is out with friends and has left his phone at home. He phoned from a friends phone around a hour ago to tell me and ask me to check his WhatsApp for a message and send the details to his friend. It's arrangements for a weekend thing, that they are sorting tonight.

As I'm looking through his chats, I noticed my name mentioned in messages to two of his friends, along the lines of me, not knowing/him not telling me. So I clicked and read the messages.
Not proud of that and know I shouldn't have.

Anyway, on reading them it's obvious one of his friends has been seeing someone behind his DP's back. My bf and another friend know, although both seem annoyed with him about it.

Now my dilemma, I'm friends with the DP. They have 1 dc and she's pregnant with the 2nd. She's also mentioned to me that he's been off with her recently.
So what the hell do I do?
Tell my bf I know?
Tell her what I know?
Keep my mouth shut and try pretend I haven't see it?

OP posts:
Checkingusername · 29/06/2017 22:44

You'll only get shot (not literally!)

Your best best is to pretend you don't know. Unless I was very good friends, I wouldn't say anything, I just wouldn't want to get caught up in it.

Morally you should tell her, for the sake of it all blowing up in your face, I wouldn't say a word

BadHatter · 29/06/2017 22:46

Do the right thing and out the cheater.

Then do the other thing and tell your BF that you went too far and disrespected his privacy.

inlectorecumbit · 29/06/2017 22:50

She deserves to know but l wouldn't like to be the messenger.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 29/06/2017 22:50

It's horrid isn't it Times. Sad I also know of someone who is cheating on his DW and wish I could just pop a note under her door to tell her, because literally everyone at his work knows.

When she does inevitably find out, and that everyone knew before her, the humiliation will be a huge factor in how she deals with it.

Personally I'd tell DP that you saw the messages, it wasn't snooping as such, because he asked you to look at his phone and he can't be surprised that you saw the other messages with your name in.

I'd tell him that if his mate doesn't come clean to his DP you're not covering for him, so if she asks again you won't play dumb. Give him a chance to do the right thing - he won't - and then if you speak to her again and she says she doesn't trust him, maybe you can make some noises about something suspicious, even if you don't feel you can tell her outright.

Original poster
TimesLikeThese · 29/06/2017 22:56

I'm also thinking that she's pregnant and what if he's not using protection with the OW.

Should I copy the messages, bf's not home yet and his phones still here.

God I hate this! Stupid bf leaving his phone at home.

OP posts:
MyheartbelongstoG · 29/06/2017 22:56

Tell her.

MyheartbelongstoG · 29/06/2017 22:57

He's not stupid op.

His friend is a cunt though.

Original poster
TimesLikeThese · 29/06/2017 23:00

I'm not best friend with her Checking but we are the only ones in the group with dc and have gotten closer recently.
My bf and hers are very good friends though and do a hobby together, that telling her might effect.

OP posts:
Original poster
TimesLikeThese · 29/06/2017 23:02

I know he's not MyheartbelongstoG I just wish I hadn't seen it.

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 29/06/2017 23:03

You'd only see the Whatsapp message if you actually clicked to open it. If a message came in whilst you were holding phone in your hand it would flash up on screen..you'd see it that way. So he will know you actively snooped and read his messages. At least he's annoyed with his friend. I wouldnt like to be you tho, explaining that you snooped and read his messages. .+ telling friend's DP what's going on. You wont come out of this well. Anyway do whst your heart tells you to. Theres stuff my friendd do that I dont rntirely agree with..we wrangle with all that between ourselves. I wouldn't like to think my OH was reading their messages to me. The messages arent for him.

Awkward tho

Original poster
TimesLikeThese · 29/06/2017 23:07

I was scrolling through his chats to find the one he wanted. So I saw a part of the last message between him and his friends Mistress it caught my eye as it had my name in it and yes I then opened the chat and read them. Which I know is bad and he's probably going to annoyed about that.

OP posts:
RedDahlia · 29/06/2017 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Foxysoxy01 · 29/06/2017 23:13

Can you put a note through the post to her anonymously?

I think you really need to let her know but that think for your relationships sake and your DP friendship and hobby you need to make it completely anonymous.

Smellbellina · 29/06/2017 23:16

Given she's pregnant I'd keep quiet for now. But sometime soon I'd tell BF i'd heard his friend is seeing someone else, if I know chances are his dp will know soon so he needs to have a chat with his mate to sort it out ASAP

VioletBow · 29/06/2017 23:22

My ex cheated on me while I was pregnant and I was so grateful that my friend and also his best friends girlfriend told me, I had my suspicions and even thought I knew who the ow was but thought hormones were running wild and was jumping to conclusions.
I'm still very close to the friend who told me and I thank her regularly for letting me know sooner rather than me finding out after dd had been born.
For me it was the final straw on a rocky relationship and I left that day, moved my stuff out the day after to my mums then was in my own place free the next month.
Granted that's me and she may not do the same thing but I look back and think how much better my life is now although it was awful when it happened. And I was glad to not have to deal with a breakup and a newborn

VioletBow · 29/06/2017 23:24

Oh also the week after I found out I had a scheduled midwife appointment, I told her everything and had a full std check and a hiv test x

Onecutefox · 29/06/2017 23:26

Can you take a photo of the chat and save it somewhere safe?

Original poster
TimesLikeThese · 29/06/2017 23:54

Thanks all. Bf is on his way home and I'm not planning on saying anything just yet.
I've took a photo of the messages though, just in case.

I do feel I should tell her and I'd definitely want to know if it was me.
But I'm worried about the fall out and the effect on me and my bf.

I'm not sure RedDahlia he's told me of other friends before, but with no dc involved or work friends I don't know. We socialise a far but with this couple now and he spends a lot of time with this friend. I feel a bit Hmm that he's kept it from me if I'm honest.

Sorry you went through similar VioletBow glad you came out of it better though. I think their relationship had been pretty good until very recently though and I really wouldn't have expected him to do this to her.

OP posts:
Shemozzle · 30/06/2017 00:02

Just throwing another conundrum in... what if your boyfriend left his phone at home on purpose and got you to open whatsapp in the hope you'd see it?

VioletBow · 30/06/2017 00:06

I just thought that he obvs didn't care much for baby to do that behind my back.
He tried winning me back for a while but I was strictly business, involved him with baby stuff like 20 week scan and the birth but wouldn't talk to him about anything other than that.
I love my life now and he makes my skin crawl now the cretin

It's hard because if I was the friend knowing I would be scared to speak up. How close are you to her? Enough you could tell your boyfriend she had confided in you that she suspects it to see what he says?
Sorry if someone has already asked that x

Shemozzle · 30/06/2017 00:07

I think for me it would depend how close I was. I was in an awkward position once, I was getting really friendly with a colleague, she invited me round for drinks at hers one weekend, had a really good time and I stayed until late, the friend headed off to bed whilst I was waiting for a taxi leaving me downstairs with her partner and he tried it on with me. He was really aggressive when I said no, and threatened to tell my friend it was the other way around if I breathed a word. I decided not to say anything and just distanced myself and didn't let the friendship develop. if you don't tell your friend you should try and let the friendship go I think.

Original poster
TimesLikeThese · 30/06/2017 07:51

Really don't think it was on purpose Shemozzle

Just how bad is reading his messages? Like it's not relationship ending is it?

I really don't think I can keep quite about it. What if he gives her something and it harms her or the baby and I can't be around him and act normally now.
Think I'll have to tell my boyfriend, of course that means admitting I read his messages, argh!!
Think I'll tell him he can tell his friend and give him chance to come clean or I'll show her the messages and she can decide what to do.

OP posts:
Sunshinegirls · 30/06/2017 08:19

It really depends on your relationship. I know that if I was in your position I could admit it to DH, he wouldn't really mind at all that I had done it. Especially as you didn't set out to do it, he asked you to look and your name caught your eye and you looked further than initially invited but I think it's I understandable. Only you can know how he would feel about this.

ShatnersWig · 30/06/2017 08:29

Times "Like its not relationship ending is it?

Depends on your boyfriend. I know plenty of women who would dump someone for this if the shoe was on the other foot. I would be seriously unhappy about you doing this. It's an invasion of privacy just as it would be if you read his diary (although I realise far fewer people but especially men keep diaries these days).

Racmactac · 30/06/2017 08:31

Be honest with your bf. Secrets will out in the end and he will be more pissed off that you haven't told him.

Apologise and explain you would never have looked at his phone normally but he asked you to.

Discuss together about his mate and how to tell her