DP is like two different people and i am so confused

[blueflower30]

My DP can change to a completely different person within seconds . I am so confused and it drives me to depression. I dont know whats real anymore and i keep thinking that i should leave but then he becomes so nice and it makes me think that its all my fault. It makes me think thats something is wrong with me and i cause all these problems and i will end up leaving a great guy because of whatever is wrong with me
He can be this nice attentive guy , he will spend all his time with me, he will put me first and be so loving and sweet.
And then he can be the guy who will go from 0-100 within seconds and he can turn very nasty and vengeful. Example i took two days off work so we can spend sometime together but because i hadnt discussed it with him first he was certain that i took these days for other reasons . He gave me hell to the point that i fell ill and made me promise that i will "give him the two days i own him" by calling sick at work and replace those days for him. Also because i took those days off he kept secret from me that he was going away for work until the last day, so he can "teach me a lesson"
He can express his opinions and whatever bothers him and i will listen. If i disagree he will get annoyed and angry. If i try to talk about something that bothered me i will "have to be quick" and "let go" and "stop ruin the night ". I feel that its ok for him to say anything no matter how hurtful it is (he mocks my accent for a year now, i can take a joke no problem but its a whole year and its got tiring especially when he tries to mimic everything i say, he watches tv programs and he will compare me with the most unappealing characters, he will say hurtful things about my life choices etc) but when i try to talk about something that bothered me he doesnt give me the option. It just seem that i can never have problem.
Then he will be that great guy again and i will think that something must be wrong with me and i cause all the problems. I am so so sad and confused

He's not two different people, he's one very nasty person. Leave him.

Hello all and thank you for the replies. I needed to hear that it isnt me that cause the problems. I know for most its difficult to understand why someone ends up like this or why stay in this situation. If i see it as if it was happening to someone else i d probably wonder the same. I dont know why i stayed so long and i dont know why i doubt myself. All i can say is that its draining and exhausting and humiliating and it happens more and more often. I know i need to get out of this but i feel so weak. I ordered the books suggested here maybe that gives me more understanding and strength. Also for those who wonder about a disorder, i dont know. In the past i was researching trying to explain his rage, he would rage over small things as if something really bad had happened. He still does it and is more often and more severe. At the time i ended up thinking that he has narcissist disorder but its just a guess, he was fitting all the criteria. I know i got to leave but i have to find the strength. I dont even think that i love him anymore, i probably love his "nice side" but i guess i have to accept that this is just fake. Some comment was saying about a cup with shit , what percentage is acceptable, that made it clear to me.

Thank you all for the support and the help and the links i will follow through all the suggestions hoping that will give me the understanding and strength that i need

good luck OP xx

Good luck. How about you plan the future nice life you want and run to that? Running towards something you want can be easier to sustain than running away from something intermittently bad.

It's a process OP - keep gooong.

Stop paying attention or giving importance to anything he says. It's pretty much all Bullshit - the nasty and the nice.

You don't need to fight with him. You don't need to talk thing through. He's not going to change. You can though.

Focus on detaching. Make a plan. Get away from him asap.

Having a better understanding i can see what he is doing. Today came as mr nice but again with purpose to intimidate me. All day he is trying to "help me" understand how to do things right. I am getting bullied all day while he is pretending that he is nice, He is even said that he is trying to be nice with me but i make him feel so angry inside because i refuse to learn. Also i "have to fix it " because i am ungrateful. I can see now that i have no right to be upset of have any problem with him. Sorry need to vent its so hard to keep my head straight with all the mind games he is playing today

Now you see it for what it is, your head will be straight more often.

Vent your anger into escape plans. You are seeing it more and faster now. There will come a day when you will not be able to tolerate it any further. You'll be seriously pissed off with yourself if you then have days or weeks of planning the separation. Plan now so you can act when you are ready.

He is abusive. There is no way others should have to tolerate this sort of behaviour. He is enjoying the power of controlling you. Get rid or get out .

He is an abusive, controlling, narcissist by the sounds of it, just like my ex. Leave now before he completely destroys you. X

This type of man won't change. He will make you feel like everything is your fault and that he acts the way he does because you push him to it. He will also tell you that he loves you and that you mean everything to him. Such is the hideous, abusive game.

I'm ten years free of a man like this , I was an absolute shell of my former self , I can only reiterate what everyone else has said . It was a thread very similar to this right here on MN that spelled out to me exactly what I was living with .

Leave . Leave . Leave .