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Original poster

Not hearing from boyfriend on holiday

108 replies

Polarbearflavour · 29/06/2017 07:33

I'm in a relatively new relationship. BF has gone away for a week for a mixture of holiday and business. Not his day job, something he does on the side. He's gone with four other male friends. I won't say exactly where but in Asia...

He went on Tuesday. I didn't even get any airport messages. He's been on Whatsapp semi regularly. But hasn't replied to my last message sent Monday night.

We do Whatsapp a couple of times per day normally and I see him for a date night in the week and we generally spend weekends together.

I really don't think I'm being clingy, needy or neurotic in wanting a message every couple of days when it's evident he is able to be on Whatsapp?

Confused
OP posts:
BillyDaveysDaughter · 29/06/2017 18:41

Noooo don't message him Polar!

Be cool. Be aloof. Be busy. See what happens when he comes back. There could be a reasonable explanation, but to be honest, if he's been online and using whatsapp but has not replied to you it doesn't look great does it.

Bit gutting and he's a fucknugget obvs, but oh well...NEXT Smile

caffeinestream · 29/06/2017 20:22

Nobody is too busy to spend 30 seconds sending their new girlfriend a message.

He's telling you he doesn't care, OP. If he gave a shit, he'd make the effort - he's not so busy that he can't text you while he's on the toilet in the morning, or before he gets out of bed, or before he goes to sleep. The fact that you've messaged him and he can't be arsed to even answer speaks volumes, imo.

My ex used to pull the "I'm too busy" card. Bollocks was he busy, he just had better things to do (in his eyes) than send me a message when we hadn't seen each other for two weeks.

He's telling you who he is, and what his communication will be like throughout your relationship. Listen.

merville · 29/06/2017 20:44

Perhaps they're using whatsapp to communicate with each other (when they're out and about separate/in smaller groups) and that's why he's on it, but not doing any non 'urgent'/necessary communication.
Was your message a comment rather than a question or anything that demands an answer as such.
As someone else commented some ppl don't do much 'unnecessary' communication esp when occupied or in a different routine.

Saying all that, it's not exactly super keen or lovery-dovey, bonding behaviour. It's natural to be a bit hurt - some ppl have said the rel s short so they wouldn't expect it .. it's the opposite for me; in some ways you need more reassurance of maintained interest & priority in a new relationship than you do in a v established, LT, time-proven relationship. At best it's a sign you're perhaps not compatible in this regard (and many ppl would react the same way); at worst it seems to say he's not very into you.

JigglyTuff · 29/06/2017 22:07

Stop making excuses for him. He hasn't contacted the OP to even let her know he's arrived safely.

If he's been online, he could have been in touch. But he hasn't.

AndBandPlayedScotlandTheBrave · 29/06/2017 22:31

Yes, this is a tricky one.
After only three months it might hard to tell, but have his words and actions always matched up? This would be an indicator of sincerity...thus trust may be established on some 12 weeks level (perhaps still superficial in the grand scheme of things?). You've been dating 12 weeks, but have you known him longer?

Imho, still too early to invest your heart. Even with love and newly declared exclusiveness, guard your heart a while longer.

Are you sure you want to be involved with someone from the same company? If the relationship doesn't work out, you may be the subject of office gossip which would not reflect well on your professional reputation. (Sadly it is the women that suffer here.) There is a lot at stake with an office/interoffice relationship.

anchor9 · 29/06/2017 22:34

ime if they 'can't' keep in touch it's because they don't want to... forget him. when you meet the right one it will be easy! Flowers

RoseVase2010 · 29/06/2017 22:41

Was your last message "Have you arrived safely?" or "Have a great a holiday", one's a question and one doesn't really warrant a response.

Honestly I'd not worry about it, wait for him to get in touch when he gets back.

Maybe he's having fun on holiday and is assured enough in your newly exclusive relationship status to not worry about having to contact you constantly whilst he's away.

mogulfield · 29/06/2017 22:47

I'm abroad this week and have been terrible at comms with my DH, Ive only managed to FaceTime him once and a few what's apps! I still love him dearly and would be mortified if he thought about binning me off because I've been busy. I've missed him loads and can't wait to see him.
Don't assume he doesn't like you, assume you need a discussion about expectations of the relationship.

Original poster
Polarbearflavour · 30/06/2017 07:30

He did message me. A really bland boring message. Didht say where he was exactly or what he was doing just that he was still alive, not feeling very well and asked how I was.

Hmm Not impressed and don't feel like messaging back!

OP posts:
Hissy · 30/06/2017 07:36

Don't then.

He's ignored you, time to take his own medicine back.

I'd seriously rethink the relationship if I were you.

Chloe84 · 30/06/2017 07:36

Don't message back! It took 4 or 5 days for him to get back to you, so you do the same. Fair's fair.

grobagsforever · 30/06/2017 07:50

All this hand wringing and fretting sounds exhausting. Can you imagine a bloke doing it? Message him or don't message him but stop giving this so much headspace!

missmove38 · 30/06/2017 08:06

Just wanted to add my perspective on this..I am in a fairly recent relationship and my dp went on holiday 2 weeks after we met. I didn't expect to hear much but hoped I would!..every day he messaged, when he got back he said I was on his mind a lot..this is the way I think you need to think of it..I'm not saying he should inundate or that he isn't thinking about you you but nothing isn't good. Sorry op x

FluffyWhiteTowels · 30/06/2017 08:25

He's out with the lads drinking and having a laugh let him enjoy himself.

I'm bad at messaging when I'm away as I'm in the moment with friends. You were upset he hadn't messaged then moaned because he messaged but it was bland.

I'm confused what you really want

WonderLime · 30/06/2017 08:29

I'm a bit confused - so you were messaging each other on Monday, and he just stopped replying (not weird in itself to be honest. I literally do that all the time as I get a bit spaced out).

And since he's flown off on holiday, you haven't messaged him but he has now messaged you?

Original poster
Polarbearflavour · 30/06/2017 08:30

WonderLime - correct. But only after I caved in and messaged him first.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 30/06/2017 08:39

Ah, ok. So you hadn't messaged him since he was away either?

misit · 30/06/2017 08:52

Just realised he only went on Tuesday, that's not a big deal really.

Tormundsbrow · 30/06/2017 08:52

I can't see a massive issue myself, I went on holiday without my DP 2 years into the relationship and messaged him around 3/4 times during the 2 weeks.

This doesn't mean I wasn't that into him, I was on holiday with my friends!

WonderLime · 30/06/2017 09:07

I think you should reply, keep it light and just make plans for when he's back. He can tell you all about it then.

I can see things from his point of view. I love a good chat with someone, but I really can't be all that bothered with messaging people. Maybe that's just the type of person he is (from what you've said).

TestTubeTeen · 30/06/2017 09:15

Well, if he isn't feeling well...

Original poster
Polarbearflavour · 30/06/2017 10:52

I don't even know any more but I'm not feeling the warm and fuzzies. My ex DP would ring and message me on business trips every day. I would at least message a couple of times a day if I had wifi abroad and was able to.

If he sees his parents for example - he doesn't go into detail about what he's doing. He went to a stag do - again, no further details but he messaged me a couple of times. When he got back I asked him how it was and he just said "fine."

If I was in abroad I would probably be sending a photo or two, telling him what I was up to etc.

In person he is generally lovely, chatty, funny etc and we have proper conversations and do nice activities.

OP posts:
PastaOfMuppets · 30/06/2017 14:18

I once met a guy who told me he'd already booked a long holiday abroad and was due to leave in only a couple of months. He msgd, called, skyped, emailed, and even flew back a couple of times briefly because he missed me. That was years ago and we are still together and he treated me like he already knew I was The One - because he did know that, he says. Similar things have happenes to friends of mine when they met the right man.

This guy sounds like he got you to commit so you wouldn't cheat and is off being a single lad. Try to put him to the back of your mind. If he's a decent guy, you don't need to be stressing; if he's a dick, don't waste your life by stressing. Either way, leave it for the time being. Don't play games with him over it but wait and see how it plays out in time.

Good luck OP Flowers

PlayingSardines · 30/06/2017 16:11

Maybe he is just someone who simply can't communicate vividly in writing, OP? There are people, male and female, who may be witty and articulate in the flesh but whose ability to express themselves in emails/text messages/letters is the written equivalent of a cartoon caveman saying 'Ug' over and over.

HotNatured · 30/06/2017 16:30

No don't message him again! He's seen your message, he's chosen to ignore it, don't indignify yourself by chasing after someone who has shown, by his actions, ie not affording you the respect of replying to your message, that you are not a priority.

Leave him to his lads holiday and get back dating again. Three months is often the marker of either the beginning of a relationship or the end.

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