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Original poster

Not hearing from boyfriend on holiday

108 replies

Polarbearflavour · 29/06/2017 07:33

I'm in a relatively new relationship. BF has gone away for a week for a mixture of holiday and business. Not his day job, something he does on the side. He's gone with four other male friends. I won't say exactly where but in Asia...

He went on Tuesday. I didn't even get any airport messages. He's been on Whatsapp semi regularly. But hasn't replied to my last message sent Monday night.

We do Whatsapp a couple of times per day normally and I see him for a date night in the week and we generally spend weekends together.

I really don't think I'm being clingy, needy or neurotic in wanting a message every couple of days when it's evident he is able to be on Whatsapp?

Confused
OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 29/06/2017 09:43

What on earth did people do before mobile phones and the internet? Wait for a post card that probably arrived after the boy/girlfriend had already been home a week. We all coped.

Three months really isn't that long, OP, even if exclusive. For some people that would be a relationship, others that would still be dating. You say he isn't the best at staying in touch anyway but you were expecting a few message and he said he would message where he could. Could well just be the two of you aren't great at communicating full stop, see things differently and have different levels of expectation.

I tend to side with TheNaze.

Ladyformation · 29/06/2017 09:57

Yeah I'm with the PPs who don't think this is a huge deal too. Less than three months really isn't long, and you've only recently become exclusive. Have a chat when he gets back about both of your expectations around communication, and relax until then.

Side note - I also don't think 'he's not that into you' is a reason to immediately bin someone. Today's relaxed person who likes you and wants to see how it's going is tomorrow's madly in love. Relationships develop over time sometimes...

Brahms3rdracket · 29/06/2017 11:15

I don't think you're needy at all. If my messages were ignored I would probably assume he's not that bothered and move on tbh.

Interesting that in the main those responding that you're overreacting are the male posters. Glad my dp likes to communicate as much as me Smile

TurnipCake · 29/06/2017 11:50

Hmm it sounds more like a lads holiday with the 'business' side thrown in to make it sound less so.

Everyone communicates differently in relationships and on holidays, I guess you have to ask yourself how much you trust him

MumBod · 29/06/2017 12:07

Three months in, exclusive, and presumably you're shagging?

You should be at the loved-up stage, shouldn't you, at this point?

Dump.

Or at least match him to the clap clinic when he gets back. And again three months later. And use condoms in the meantime.

Emboo19 · 29/06/2017 12:19

What does at the loved up stage mean? He shouldn't have gone with his mates on holiday or he should be texting every 2 minutes, why?
I've just re read, I'd initially missed when he went. It's only been two days!
And people are calling for her to dump him.

What did you text him on Monday OP?

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 29/06/2017 12:21

But we're NOT pre-mobile phone/internet are we? Behaviour and expectations around communication are totally different now to what they are used to be. Not replying to messages is just rude and hurtful. You don't ignore someone you care about! And I don't think it's needy to at least want a message to say he'd arrived safely.
My boyfriend travels a lot for work and hobbies but always keeps in touch via message as a) he wants to talk to me and b) he knows it's important to me too.

ShatnersWig · 29/06/2017 12:23

Brahms Being male has sod all to do with it. Some people of both sexes are good communicators and some are not. Some people of both sexes do a lot of texting/messaging and some do not. There is a huge difference between going away when you're in a long term relationship (which in my book is no earlier than six months) and/or living together compared with three months that's just gone exclusive and on a holiday with friends or colleagues that is half work.

Like I said, how on earth did people cope before mobile phones.

Mum You do know not all men who go on holiday cheat on their partners, right?

ShatnersWig · 29/06/2017 12:26

The point is the OP has already said that PRIOR to this holiday this guy was already not the best at keeping in touch, so he's hardly changed his behaviour all of a sudden. She knows what he's like, but it's now a problem because he's on holiday?

It's all about expectation isn't it, and telling your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner what is important to you. We're not all mind readers. When I'm on holiday, my phone is for emergencies and I wouldn't even look at it. We're all different but if people communicate in advance what they expect, we can call manage those expectations better.

Brahms3rdracket · 29/06/2017 12:27

Jesus calm down shatner, I didn't suggest men communicate less than women or any other stereotypical bollocks, just what I said upthread, glad my OH and I communicate the same amount. Calm down dear Grin

BitOutOfPractice · 29/06/2017 12:30

What on earth did people do before mobile phones and the internet?

Erm they communicated differently. Obviously. But we do have phones and the internet now so I don't see the relevance of that. The OP's BF has changed his communication pattern. She's concerned. As would I be tbh

MumBod · 29/06/2017 12:30

Yep, Shatner, I do.

Some do, though. And as OP's boyfriend hasn't behaved the way she expected him to thus far, she'd be wise to take precautions until she knows she's safe.

You don't gamble with your health.

Confusedandintrigued · 29/06/2017 12:31

Not that in to you.

ChinaRose · 29/06/2017 12:32

If it's Thailand... you know what to do (use protection when he's back). He's probably just busy having fun. My brother used to go a lot. I do think if he was the one he'd make more of an effort though.

MumBod · 29/06/2017 12:32

Emboo I'd expect a reply to a message during the 'loved-up stage' as a minimum.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 29/06/2017 12:32

He has changed his behaviour though! OP said they were exchanging messages twice a day and now she's not heard from him since Monday...Confused

I agree it's all about expectation and communication. Before my BF went away recently we chatted about how we'd keep in touch as we knew it would be tricky.

RoseVase2010 · 29/06/2017 12:35

What was your last message?

I don't expect DH to text or call when he's away, I think I got one message whilst he was on his stag weekend. I don't have any concerns about the amount he loves me nor him playing away.

I think everyone is different, if he's crap at texting when at home why would it be different abroad?

misit · 29/06/2017 12:37

But he's not crap at messaging when he's at home.

Confusedandintrigued · 29/06/2017 12:52

No because he's at home, got time to text, perhaps a bit bored, messaging breaks up the day.

But when on holiday, with friends, forgotten.

Confusedandintrigued · 29/06/2017 12:52

It's exactly what i did with an ex boyfriend I'm ashamed to admit

Original poster
Polarbearflavour · 29/06/2017 12:53

They aren't in Thailand.

He's not great at messaging. He isn't a big whatsapper. We generally message a couple of times a day. Before we were exclusive he could go a couple of days without contact. He doesn't really do banal chatting via message. With my ex partner we would message all day even when he was abroad with work. New BF isn't like that so I've changed my expectations.

On Monday we had an evening chat, my last message was replying about his early start to the airport on Tuesday.

I am loving the mixed opinions! Keep them coming please!

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/06/2017 12:59

There's a strange side discussion here. Obviously people message at different rates and some people go on holiday and don't message at all/take their phones; but he has taken his phone - and he's messaging other people.

That'd be a clear line for me. I wouldn't mind if he was just enjoying himself and not messaging anyone, after two days, but I would mind him messaging people over me three months in. He should be dying to talk to you at that stage.

Original poster
Polarbearflavour · 29/06/2017 13:02

Last seen online - 20 mins ago Confused

OP posts:
Teddy6767 · 29/06/2017 13:11

Message him again saying 'just checking you got my last message and are having a good trip'.
If he reads it and still doesn't reply then he sounds like a bit of a tit

MargotMoon · 29/06/2017 13:14

If it was me I'd send him a selfie on Whatsapp with a 'hi, thought I'd have heard from you by now, hope you're having fun? selfie me back!'

Bit inane, but if he ignores that too then I'd say balls to him! If having communication when you are apart is important to you and he can't be bothered then you need to decide if that's a deal breaker