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Original poster

Who pays?

66 replies

june2017 · 28/06/2017 15:56

I've been seeing a man for about 16 months. I'm taking my daughters (20 and 22) to meet him for the first time this Saturday. He suggested we go for a meal afterwards. He has booked a restaurant close to where he lives.
I'm thinking who pays for the meal. Should I suggest we pay half each. Also how do I talk to him about it without making it seem like I expect him to pay, which I don't. I've never been in a situation like this before and would appreciate any help. Just don't want any awkwardness in the restaurant when the bill come.

OP posts:
Materdolores · 28/06/2017 15:58

You should pay 3/4 or your daughters should chip in, they're not children anymore.

MidnightMoonlight · 28/06/2017 15:59

I would expect to pay the whole bill in your position. Unless he insists in which case I would let him go halves.

MsWanaBanana · 28/06/2017 16:00

Well if you are also bringing your 2 grown up daughters then you should split it 4 ways. Or each pay for what you had

LesisMiserable · 28/06/2017 16:00

I would expect 4 adults to split it 4 ways.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/06/2017 16:02

I would expect you to pay the bill.
If I ever went out with my ExP and his DC, he would always pay.
If we were on our own then he usually paid but it all worked out with bills etc....

Reow · 28/06/2017 16:08

He suggested it and booked it = he invited you. He pays.

If he offers you should then offer to share once, and if he insists then you allow him to pay.

mintich · 28/06/2017 16:09

I agree with @Reow

namechangefox · 28/06/2017 16:22

I would expect to pay as it's my family and my DP.

I'd be delighted if DP wanted to pay, but would still insist on paying.

Actually if DP didn't make to pay or offer (unless agreed before ha be), I'd be a bit Hmm. Generosity and kindness is important to me, even if I wouldn't take him up on it.

TheNaze73 · 28/06/2017 16:24

You should

namechangefox · 28/06/2017 16:25

I wouldn't split it, not in a family situation.

ooodile · 28/06/2017 16:30

You should insist on paying. There are three of you vs him.

If he is determined to pay it would be a lovely gesture and would make me think he was a gentleman, but I would be sure to return the favour and definitely wouldn't allow him to pay on the next date.

Joinourclub · 28/06/2017 16:32

If I were you I'd offer to pay. It sounds like he 'suggested' a meal, rather than invited you all out for dinner. I think as there are three of your family and one of him, you should definitely offer to pay.

ChicRock · 28/06/2017 16:34

You should pay - or at the very least you should pay 3/4 of the bill.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 28/06/2017 16:35

Either you pay it all or split it four ways. Definitely don't suggest half, that would be super cheeky

QuiteLikely5 · 28/06/2017 16:42

Send a polite text ' looking fwd to dinner next week, to clarify this is my treat'

Keep it simple

SorrelSoup · 28/06/2017 16:44

I'd take his contribution off him assuming money is tight.

Girlywurly · 28/06/2017 16:45

In these circumstances, I'd pay. I'd tell him it'd please me to treat everyone.

Lim0ne · 28/06/2017 16:48

OP no need for a conversation beforehand Confused
When the bill comes just say, "This one is on me". Don't get into splitting the bill. Many men feel more comfortable paying for everything, so if he's that type, let him do so.
No need to worry at all.

RhubardGin · 28/06/2017 16:51

It depends. Did you tell your daughters you were taking them out for lunch or just that you should meet for lunch?

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 28/06/2017 17:09

Either all adults pay their share or you pick up the bulk of the tab.

It doesn't have to be awkward, why would it. The bill comes and you just pay.

OliviaStabler · 28/06/2017 17:16

You offer to pay for you and your daughters. If he wants to pay for the whole meal after that, fair enough.

Forflipssake2 · 28/06/2017 17:26

He suggested the meal and booked it so I would expect him to pay. He's probably trying to impress your daughters!

MyheartbelongstoG · 28/06/2017 17:29

You pay.

Chloe84 · 28/06/2017 17:35

What usually happens when you go out? Do you go Dutch?

If you usually go Dutch, I would expect him to pay for himself only.

If you are generous with eachother, then I would offer to treat him.

Dadsussex · 28/06/2017 19:27

As a man and a step father...... I'd pay in full because it was the first meeting with your children and first meal out eith then etc

It's kind of like a first date situation....OP when you went on first date did you go 50/50 or did oh pay? IMO If 50/50 then likely for this meal something similar, if oh paid then good chance he would like to do so again for this special first 'family' meal out - again this is just my opinion but if your oh is like me and likes to pay on first date etc then don't be surprised if he offers this time too

All above not intended as anti feminist or anything like that - just the way I work and a good chance other men would too!