Who pays?

[june2017]

I've been seeing a man for about 16 months. I'm taking my daughters (20 and 22) to meet him for the first time this Saturday. He suggested we go for a meal afterwards. He has booked a restaurant close to where he lives.
I'm thinking who pays for the meal. Should I suggest we pay half each. Also how do I talk to him about it without making it seem like I expect him to pay, which I don't. I've never been in a situation like this before and would appreciate any help. Just don't want any awkwardness in the restaurant when the bill come.

I would expect him to pay in this situation. (But I'd offer to pay for the whole thing, as my children were invited too.)

If I invite my adult children out for a meal, I pay. Similarly, if I invite a friend for a meal, I would expect to pay unless they suggest something different beforehand, and vice versa. Not everyone does this though, so it depends how you normally split the bill though, as PP have suggested.

You sound very old fashioned, you would be upset if he doesn't pay up for you and your 2 dds is OTT. I think you should cover yours and your dds meals.

Only OP knows how the offer was made.

• it would be lovely to meet them, I'd like to take you all out to dinner, I'll get it booked - happy for me to choose?

= he is happy to pay but if you should offer

• it would be lovely to meet them - shall we do it over a dinner out?

= not an offer and as it is your kids, I think you should pay 3/4

The reason we haven't been out much is because we usually meet every other weekend due to work/family commitments. We'd rather spend time with each other as we don't see each other often. We talk/message each other every day.

After my last relationship I didn't want to introduce any man to my children until I knew it was the real thing. As my children live with me it made sense to go over to his house as he lives alone.
For the meal I agree with posters who said I shouldnt have said I'd be offended if he didn't offer to pay. That was selfish. They are my daughters not his.
I will pay for the meal as it is fair. To be honest the relationship is great and I'm not going to ruin it over something as trivial as this. I think it's me over thinking things as usual, lol. And just to add he did spoil me on my birthday.
Thank you all for your replies
X

Why would you be upset if he didn't offer to pay? I thought we had moved on from the man paying for everything.

If you've only paid for one meal and he has bought and cooked the food every other time you've eaten together I'm surprised he's still making the effort as sounds like he's being taken for a mug.

You should pay - no question.
Expecting him to offer is unreasonable.
You sound a bit.... grabby

RainbowsAndUnicorns and AsleepAtMyDesk, you obviously haven't read my last message otherwise you wouldn't have posted what you did. Maybe you did but just posted anyway.
As for me being grabby, I have worked for everything I own. My house, car etc. I haven't "grabbed" anything from anyone. I run my own business and work hard for my money.

I don't think you sound grabby at all OP. My DP and I sort of take it in turns but no ones counting. Hope it goes well and you all enjoy it.

Goodness OP of course you don't sound grabby! I agree with Elissandra - I think it depends on whether it was an invitation or an arrangement. From what you have said, I would anticipate (I think the is a better word than "expect") him paying, but be ready to pay either 3/4 or the full bill cheerfully if it becomes apparent that he wasn't expecting to pay. As long as he is thoughtful and generous in general I wouldn't read to much in to it because as this thread illustrates people have very different views on what is normal.

Don't worry OP. The number of people who are so eager to spout their ha'penny-worth rather than read the thread is staggering. Some don't even read the OP, just the title.

I think you're right to pay OP, after all there are more of you, and it would be a nice gesture on your part, I would personally pay too.

Money/paying is always a sensitive subject, well it is for me anyway. I never want to appear mean/tight fisted, so I've often ended up paying for stuff that wasn't 'fair'. In this instance though I would feel it is right I should foot the bill.

You are NOT grabby at all!!! Ridiculous

Please update us OP - what happened?

Hi
The meal was really good. They all got on really well which I'm soooo happy about. When the bill came he got his wallet out but I said I'm paying, it's my treat. He said he'll give half and I said no. I paid.

Thank you to the people who replied with helpful messages. This thread showed everyone has different opinions. There is no right answer, it's what works best for you.

Very happy for you. Glad it all went well.

Nice one, OP

Sounds like a sensible outcome.