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Original poster

Who pays?

66 replies

june2017 · 28/06/2017 15:56

I've been seeing a man for about 16 months. I'm taking my daughters (20 and 22) to meet him for the first time this Saturday. He suggested we go for a meal afterwards. He has booked a restaurant close to where he lives.
I'm thinking who pays for the meal. Should I suggest we pay half each. Also how do I talk to him about it without making it seem like I expect him to pay, which I don't. I've never been in a situation like this before and would appreciate any help. Just don't want any awkwardness in the restaurant when the bill come.

OP posts:
zara80 · 28/06/2017 20:15

I would presume I would be paying for all. However if he's a more chivalrous type, he will probably prefer to pick up the bill.

heebiejeebie · 28/06/2017 20:37

If you had suggested meeting his 2 adult children for a meal what would you expect to pay?

jayho · 28/06/2017 20:39

I have exactly this coming up.on Sunday. It's his first meeting with my two ds after three year relationship. He will pick up the bill but I will offer to settle.

Original poster
june2017 · 28/06/2017 22:16

Thank you all for your replies. Lots of different opinions. I think the best thing will be to wait until the meal and see what happens. I will pay but it will be upsetting if he doesn't even offer to pay Hmm I hadn't really thought about that before
We've not really been out for any meals. The only meal we've been out for was his birthday this year which I paid for. Usually I drive to his place (which is about 30 miles away) and he cooks us a meal.
We didn't have a traditional first date Dadsussex. We met online and our first time meeting was me going to his place for sexHmm. All within 24 hours of first messaging online. We both thought it'd just be a FWB type situation but it developed into something more.

OP posts:
Gothbaby · 28/06/2017 22:24

I think if he suggested the meal/booked it then expected you to pay full woukd be a bit odd. I'm constantly going halves with my husband on meals out with his family because it's the nice polite thing to do (eve if I'm happy with not going for meals...). Going halves makes sense! Xxxx

Ellisandra · 28/06/2017 22:25

This will sound harsh...
But even though your kids aren't little, I wouldn't be interested in introducing my children to a man where I didn't have a good enough relationship that I could just sort this out in advance.

When I first met my stepdaughters, it was a theatre trip and I paid for almost everything. It was my idea, and also I earn a lot more. I told him I wanted to treat everyone. He bought drinks. Every situation is different.

On the face of it, I'd expect you to pay 3/4 if you're both on a limited budget.

LellyMcKelly · 28/06/2017 22:39

If DP and I are out with my (admittedly, little) kids then I pay. If we're out with his, he'll pay. Otherwise we'll take it turn about. If all the kids are together (all five of them) then he and I split it.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 29/06/2017 07:34

But why would it be upsetting if he didn't offer to pay?
If it was a meal for the two of you I understand that a little but you will be bringing two extra people who can pay for themselves.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 29/06/2017 07:43

I will pay but it will be upsetting if he doesn't even offer to pay

Why?

You've been with the guy for 16months, if you can't hold a conversation on who is paying for supper something is wrong.

If my mum invited me for supper at that age, I would offer to contribute towards the bills.

Ragwort · 29/06/2017 07:47

He doesn't sound that great a catch to me Hmm - he's never taken you out and yet you drive to his house & he just cooks a meal and you have sex.
Are you really in a 'relationship' where you want him to meet your DDs?

I would think very carefully about it and to be honest, and I am probably very old fashioned about this, but I would expect him to pay as he has suggested it and chosen and booked the restaurant.

Ellisndra makes a very good point.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 29/06/2017 07:53

How is this even a question? You should pay all of it. They are your kids. Splitting 3/4 would be just as rude as expecting him to pay.

unfortunateevents · 29/06/2017 08:36

So if you don't go out for meals, what do you do in any other situation where one/both of you need to pay for something - do you go to the cinema, local attraction, theatre, anything? Please say the whole relationship is not you driving to his house, him cooking, then you have sex?

StealthPolarBear · 29/06/2017 08:39

Why are people saying he should offer to pay? Because he suggested and booked it?

blackteasplease · 29/06/2017 08:42

I would probably pay in this situation or at least work on the basis I would be paying.

In theory 4 adult = split in quarters.

If you put card down and he insists on paying his share so be it (or if your dds do).

Unless he's invited you somewhere you can't possibly afford and wouldn't usually go to. In that case, perhaps say to him you can't afford that place.

MissBax · 29/06/2017 08:44

You've been seeing him 16 months and are unsure how to broach this subject?!

Chloe84 · 29/06/2017 09:34

So the only time you went out to eat was when it was his birthday and you paid for him?

Did he not reciprocate on your birthday?

It sounds like he is either very tight or very reclusive.

This relationship doesn't see to have progressed beyond FWB. Are you sure you want your DDs to meet him?

CBC1644346 · 29/06/2017 09:41

I would be surprised if h didn't offer having made the suggestion to be honest.

Don't over think it.

Ragwort · 29/06/2017 10:27

Why are people saying he should offer to pay? Because he suggested and booked it?

In my personal experience, if I suggest a meal out, choose and book the restaurant then I would assume I am paying.

oscareyeballs · 29/06/2017 10:40

I'd say 50/50 or 75/25 in your favour.

CBC1644346 · 29/06/2017 11:26

Me too Ragwort.

myusernamewastaken · 29/06/2017 12:10

Why doesnt he just pay for himself and you pay for you and your daughters...surely thats the fairest way.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 29/06/2017 12:15

If I were you I would expect to pay the bill as 3 of the 4 people are my family. In reality DP would probably pay because he's old fashioned chivalrous or would at least say he was paying for me and him, and I would pay for my DCs, so 50/50.

I wouldn't preempt it with a talk about who pays, just get your purse out at the end of the meal with the intention of paying 100% and see how insistent he is on contributing, if at all. Personally I'd rather pay for it all and have him treat me next time than faff about going halves.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 29/06/2017 12:15

"Will be upsetting if he doesn't offer to pay"?! WTF! Why? He's a man not an ATM

Cricrichan · 29/06/2017 12:22

It depends. Is he well off? Does he have children?

I think I would insist on paying for all but let him pay for drinks later if you go to a bar. Or let him pay next time you two went out. I'd imagine he'd insist on paying though as he asked you.

C0RAL · 29/06/2017 13:45

So you've only been out for one meal in 16 months of dating? where do you go when you go out ?

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