Babys dad planning me to miscarry

[Winsister]

I need advice.
My Friend with benefits and I conceived a baby, I was in love with him until he stated he wanted me to have an abortion and also bought [text edited out by MNHQ] to cause me to have a miscarriage.

He has done numerous internet searches on what would cause miscarriages.

How do I make sure he Doesnt have anything to do with our baby when its here.
I'm 10 weeks atm and I'm very scared he'll try and poison me and my baby.

Well him living opposite you makes things harder to disappear and have the baby under the radar. How feasible is it to move? I would be very careful to prevent him access to anything you may consume. Although I think pineapple as an abotificant is an old wives tale?
To be very honest, if you continue living opposite him and have the baby there may well be trouble down the road. Regardless of whether you apply for any financial maintainence, as the father he has the right to apply for parental responsibility and apply for contact. Even if you do not put him on the birth certificate. Only you know whether he will actually take the steps to do that. It may be that realising the costs and hassle involved, he may be happy to leave things alone if you don't go after him for financial support. Or he may be spiteful and file the applications and you will have to go through the process of arguing why he shouldn't be allowed them. Or years down the road he may let slip to your child while your child is playing on the street that he is the father. All sort of complications will arise.
I am sorry he seems to have taken advantage of your feelings for him. But maybe you shouldn't have continued sleeping with him if you knew he didn't feel the same way. Anyway what's done is done. But those are his options legally and if he chose to exercise them will cause you a lot of stress.

I know you say that you are against abortion but are you also against your children being intimidated? Are you against them being forced out of their home by a nutter? Are you against them being harrassed and forced to have contact with this man if he does choose to be involved with his child? Because if you have this child then you run a very real risk of all of that not only for the baby but for the other children too.

Its not fair on your existing children to put them at risk of that, and sometimes we as parents have to do things that we dont want to do for the sake of our kids. I guess I assumed that you didnt have any other children, but the fact that you do changes everything I am afraid. I really do think that you need to reconsider keeping the baby.

Thankyou x

He wouldn't intimidate us. He would just ignore us, which I can live with.
He does not want anything to do with the baby at all, he has even been making a will against the baby.

I don't want anything from him, if he wants to be involved then ok but he has expressed that he never will be

I must say if this is someone who's willing to purchase miscarriage inducing substances, I wouldn't be confident he'd gladly leave me and mine alone if he were living over the road. Not that I'm saying you should terminate, that's your call, but a Plan B (no pun intended) might be helpful here.

I hope you have thought through how all this will affect your existing children, OP.

I hope you have thought through how all this will affect your existing children, OP.

Doesn't seem like it - She seems to just want a baby with the man she once fell in love with regardless to the shit it is going to cause her existing children, herself, the poor future baby he doesn't want and any future partner for the foreseeable future.

Why do women do this to themselves???

I cant help wondering if there is still a lingering hope of "maybe he will change his mind when he meets the baby and we will live happily ever after". She wouldnt be the first woman to think that, I personally know of two and both ended up on their own with very bitter exes as the unwilling fathers of their babies.

@blackstars be careful now of casting any disapproval on OP's action or decisions. You may be accused of victim blaming. The real victims in this mess are her existing children and the forthcoming child.
@pyongyangkipperbang why are you making up pure conjecture based on your rank imagination. Surely such a thought never crossed the mind of OP. No, women never get pregnant and keep the child in the hopes a reluctant liver may change their mind. Never happens and whoever called it the oldest trick in the book is lying. OP is determined to keep the child to fulfil her personal wants. She can go to the police. But what will the police Do? Charge him on the basis he bought vitamins? Apply for a restraining order? He LIVES across the STREET. And sure he may say he won't do anything now, but what of he changes his mind 2 months after the birth or 2 years? What then?

And I do suspect OP may be hoping for him to change his mind. She goes from wanting him to have No thing to do with her and child to saying in her last post that if he wants to be involved that's fine. So you would let a man who you think is trying to poison you and your unborn baby be involved in that baby's life if she later decides he wants to? God help us.

Reproductive freedom, people! Some of us can't bear the thought of having an abortion. It may be a straightforward decision for some, for others it is unthinkable.

Worry ye not fatdogs, she's a while to go yet before she reaches your stage of entirely inventing things. You're safe. Although I don't think you've managed to challenge hilda yet for most morally reprehensible thing said on this thread, biggest bullshitter is still all yours.

Reproductive freedom works both ways. When I found myself pregnant and single I took a look at my options and my (possible childs) future lifestyle/quality - I made a considered choice based on that.

@thedogatemygoatakinvellum you continue validating bad choices and enabling bad decisions. I wish I had your level of idealism. Read between the lines of the OP'S posts. No one with a modicum of sense will say this situation is anything less than a clusterfuck. And if OP is serious that he has the intention to poison her and cause a miscarriage them her later post about letting him be involved if he wants to smacks of extremely poor safeguarding and failure to out her child first. Why is not one addressing that? Rather than try to score points by attacking me, why is no one telling it straight and getting the OP to see sense? Fair enough she may not want a termination But her posts suggests she may relent and allow him to build a relationship. Which makes me think she is a shit mum willing to sacrifice her child's well being to keep some connection with the man or the original posts about actually trying to poison her a la a KGB hitman is active imagination and extrapolation in her part. I was sympathetic at first but the situation is ridiculous and OP is just hoping he will keep his word and retreat from it all.

I don't understand your comment about being against an abortion because you have 3 kids and 2 miscarriages.
Me: one IVF child and 2 mc. I believe I'd abhort in your situation.

But it's your choice.

Why are you posting for advice to keep him away saying you fear he'll poison you, then saying he can be involved if he wants to?

If he has searched for how to secretly cause you to miscarry, he is dangerous and honestly if you want to keep the pregnancy I think you should to talk to the police, Women's Aid, and move from opposite his house!

can you tell your doctor/midwife. They keep things on record if the father is abusive in any way. That may be the first step in getting the help you need.

Please speak to your healthcare professional who might be able to offer help or signpost you to other services who can.

I don't know whether conspiracy to poison or induce bodily harm is a crime within our legal system, but ideologically it certainly is. It's not what different views on abortion are. Morally he has already committed a crime by planning to do this to you. I don't think that could ever be negated by him suddenly wanting interest in the child down the line.

why are you making up pure conjecture based on your rank imagination

What on earth are you blithering on about? What exactly have I made up?!

@Pyongyangkipperbang i was being sarcastic towards another poster thedogatemygoatakinvellum who accused me on making conjecture based on imagination when I said that there may have been a chance the pregnancy was not all that unintended on OP's part.
So when you said that there may be some unconscious hope to maintaining a connection with him through having his child, that could be picked on as conjecture as well by that poster.

Anyway I shouldn't let my interactions with today posters derail the thread. I do think UP needs to really review this situation. And not assume that this man will leave her alone becuase he said he would. And continue living across the street from him.

What a horrible situation, OP. He's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want this baby so what happens next is up to you.

I'm sure it can't be legal to administer drugs to someone against their will (which this would be, if you want to continue the pregnancy) but I don't know for sure. As others have said, contact Women's Aid, they may be able to give you legal advice. Don't go near him. If you're worried he'll try to force this on you or do it surreptitiously, tell people you trust that you're afraid of this happening.

No judgement from me. You're not the first person to fall for and get pregnant by someone who turned out to be an abusive bastard and you won't be the last.

She was attempting a dig at me Pyongyang because I told her to wind her neck in last night. It failed quite hard though, obv.

And really fatdogs, not making shit up and not defending people as repulsive as hilda isn't idealism. It's just, like, not being a dick. You could have made the points you are attempting without doing either of those things.

@thedogatemygoatakinvellum should I wind my neck in now the OP is actually thinking of allowing this "abusive"man access if he were to flip round and suddenly want it ? This man capable of poisoning an unborn child according to her. So forgive me for thinking there might be hidden depths to this situation rather than OP being terrified that she may have poison forced down her throat.

My fwb and i were seeing each other and i fell pregnant and he wanted me to have an abortion, i refused and he walked away spouting he wouldnt pay a penny or see me ever again. Fast forward to now my amazing son was 2 last week and i do get maintenance after cms got an attatchment order on his earnings