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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do

83 replies

giantpickle · 25/06/2017 15:50

Ok, so I had sex with my ex recently. We're best friends and sometimes have sex - I'm still mad about him but he doesn't know that.

I've just taken a pregnancy test. Its positive. Took a cheap one and then went and got a clearblue digital one. Theres no way that could be wrong could it?!

I don't know what to do. I haven't told anyone yet. I haven't told him.

For context, I'm 35, I have a good professional job. I'm old enough and smart enough to avoid this kind of situation. Except Im not. I really really want children but had accepted that time might run out for me by the time I find the right man. My head is spinning.

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 26/06/2017 17:22

Original poster

giantpickle · 26/06/2017 17:29

Onecutefox I'm on the pill and he knows this. I'm a bit baffled about how it happened to be honest. One of the things that's worrying me is that he won't believe that I didn't do it on purpose.

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 26/06/2017 17:35

The pill can and does fail, it's not 100% reliable.

Is he the kind of person who would accuse you of lying about being on the pill in order to get pregnant by deception?

Original poster

giantpickle · 26/06/2017 19:19

I really don't think he would accuse me. I guess I worry that he might have a doubt in his mind.

OP posts:

CocoaLeaves · 26/06/2017 19:32

I think if you tell him you have taken a few days yourself to get used to the idea, as you were very surprised, which is true - then he has no reason to think that. There is not really more you need say. I hope he would not doubt you

category12 · 26/06/2017 20:04

The only thing that worries me about your scenario (given you want a child and seem in a good position to go it alone) is that you are mad about this guy, and he doesn't reciprocate and has made it clear what you have now suits him, but he doesn't want any more. I think you'd be best focusing on the idea of being a mum, and writing off this 'relationship'. I think he's going to disappoint you.

Original poster

giantpickle · 26/06/2017 20:20

Yes, that worries me too. I will have to raise a child with him and probably watch him meet and fall in love with someone else. It would be painful I imagine but I would have to deal with it.

OP posts:

Haffdonga · 26/06/2017 20:55

Yes, that is a very difficult one to think through with no easy answers.

CocoaLeaves · 26/06/2017 21:23

He may never meet and fall in love with someone else, though, as the issue seems like commitment not compatibility by the sound of it; but he also will likely not be your 'forever after' either because he does not seem to be in that place. You just don't know. What you will know (I hope) is that you both love and want the best for your baby, all being well. If you focus on that, then you will be motivated to address any difficulties that arise.

Onecutefox · 26/06/2017 22:35

Sorry, OP, wasn't aware you were on the pill.
Oh, good luck. I hope he takes this news in a positive way.

Flamingoprincess1212 · 27/06/2017 16:54

Hey op how are you doing?

I just want to urge you to not speak to Clara's people as they seem very catholic agenda anti abortion.
I also wanted to share that I spoke to BPAS and had an appointment when about three weeks ago me being pregnant really sank in, and I had a momentary 'what the fuck this is really happening to me, Jesus Christ I cannot even have this baby I am so scared I'm so irresponsible, I've had spaghetti hoops at work every day this week, I wear odd socks and drink prosecco out of a mug and don't even hoover every day' melt down. (Apparently very normal to panic and doubt yourself even in a very wanted pregnancy) As I wasn't yet registered with the midwife.
I know you've said you don't want counselling or to speak to anyone but they were awesome. They didn't push a descision on me in either direction and have said I can drop in anytime I need anything.

Hope it goes well when you speak to the dad

Original poster

giantpickle · 27/06/2017 17:18

Aw thank you so much flamingo. To be honest it still doesn't feel real. By my calculations I'm only 3 weeks since conception and I feel like the chance of miscarriage is so high I'm still only 'maybe' pregnant (if that makes sense). I've just been getting on with life as normal and putting it to the back of my mind. I really don't think I could have an abortion though so, all being well, I will keep the baby. The main worry now is how he'll take it.

OP posts:

runninggranny · 27/06/2017 17:27

WaahImTellingTheDorchester

Exactly that. I only wish I could have put it as eloquently as this.

Mammabear31 · 01/07/2017 20:02

@giantpickle how did it go? Hope it went as well as hoped xx

FlamingoPrincess1212 · 01/07/2017 20:05

You're welcome pickle. Did you see your ex today. Hope you're ok?

TrueLove83 · 01/07/2017 20:16

You're mad about your ex. Did you use protection ?

Why are you exes?

Did you want to get pregnant by him?

I don't think the pregnancy will help you get him back. Aren't you more a FWB to him?

Ginormoustrawberry · 01/07/2017 20:19

TrueLove

RTFT 🙄

DixieFlatline · 01/07/2017 21:06

RTFT

Yep.

So many questions, yet too lazy to read a few posts.

Original poster

giantpickle · 03/07/2017 22:44

Sorry for my late reply and thanks for thinking of me. So I told him tonight and it went much better than I expected. He told me that he loves me and can't imagine wanting a baby with anyone else. As far as a romantic relationship is concerned he wants to try but doesn't want to promise me the earth and then let me down. So we are going to keep things quiet for a couple of weeks while we work out whether we are going to raise this baby as friends or as a couple.

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 03/07/2017 22:50

That sounds like the best reaction you could have hoped for in the circumstances.

Would he consider counselling, maybe on his own, to help him overcome his aversion to a romantic relationship? (If that's what he wants to do of course.)

mydietstartsmonday · 03/07/2017 22:56

That is the best news. A child can't want for two parents to love him or her. Take it slow and see what develops.

user1486956786 · 03/07/2017 23:03

So glad it went well!!! Congratulations on your pregnancy :-)

You have plenty of time to figure things out but in my opinion I think at some point you should look into getting a legal agreement in place with regards to custody / child support etc. I know its very unromantic but whilst you get on well it's better to do it now then down the track should things ever turn sour. ( I think with my head over heart, and like to avoid conflict at all costs)

YAY!!!!

CocoaLeaves · 04/07/2017 10:01

Then let me officially say Congratulations

It sounds like with time and sensitivity, you will find a way through this one way or the other, I do hope things work out for you.

Original poster

giantpickle · 04/07/2017 12:49

Thanks everyone! We're talking things through and spending lots of time together. Lots of crying and lots of laughing. He's desperate to get over his issues and have us start something amazing together but I've told him not to rush anything and whatever happens we'll be ok.

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 04/07/2017 14:31

What a great update! It sounds as if maybe this baby and this relationship (in whatever form it takes) were meant to be

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