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Original poster

Engaged but feel like my friends don't care

71 replies

eirrah · 23/06/2017 20:45

I know this is going to sound very self centred but I need to get it off my chest.

I got engaged last week and I am obviously absolutely over the moon. I am so, so happy and so are our families. However, apart from the congrats texts, none of my friends seem to care at all and haven't asked me any questions or anything. Other girls I know, they've had cards and congrats from friends and have been asked all sorts about their weddings. Me, nothing. It's upset me a bit to think my friends don't care, and today I went out to buy gifts to ask my bridesmaids but it's made me question if I should have them. If I don't, it'll cause fall outs, but I just feel so deflated by them.

Sorry to rant but I had to get it off my chest as it's upset me quite a bit. I have more excitement from Facebook friends :/

OP posts:
Asmoto · 23/06/2017 20:48

If you only announced it last week, would they have had time to organise a celebration - could they be planning something special for you?

NellieFiveBellies · 23/06/2017 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Asmoto · 23/06/2017 20:48

Congratulations, by the way Smile

BandeauSally · 23/06/2017 20:49

Is there anything else going on that is havjng yiu feeling a bit down or isolated right now? It's just, a bit extreme to be saying you don't want to ask your friends to be your bridesmaids over this. And I'm assuming these people are your closest friends and you always planned for them to be your bridesmaids. Are you feeling a bit insecure in general about your friendships or is it literally just their lack of excitement that has made you think like not asking them?

Neutrogena · 23/06/2017 20:49

I'm sure they do care but are busy with their own lives. Let it pass and don't let your expectations of others ruin your happy time.

monkeyfacegrace · 23/06/2017 20:52

Umm.

In a soft way, maybe you're being a little oversensitive. It's exciting for you but it's happening every minute of every day.

In a harsher way, you sound like hard work Hmm

BikeRunSki · 23/06/2017 20:54

Congratulations, but to be honest, engagements are only really important to the couple involved.

Whathaveilost · 23/06/2017 20:56

It would never occur to me to get an engagement card or present for someone, not even my sister or close friend.
I haven't heard of anyone doing this for a couple of decades now!
In fact I don't recall anyone getting engaged anymore. It seems it jumps from being in a relationship to getting married.

MaisyPops · 23/06/2017 20:57

I think you're being over sensitive but I say that as somebody who doesn't really understand all the fuss about engagements. E.g. engagement parties, photoshoots, presents etc.

A congratulations or maybe a drink if we're out is all I'd expect. Maybe a card from family.

McTufty · 23/06/2017 20:57

Congratulations, but to be honest, engagements are only really important to the couple involved.

Not actually true. It will be more important to the couple but most decent people give a shit about what goes on in their friends' lives.

OP it's only been a week! I had the most enthusiastic BMs ever but even they gave me a bit of time before badgering me about if I had set a date!

Oh, and congratulations Flowers

Sophiealice95 · 23/06/2017 21:00

Nobody around here seems to make a fuss about engagements tbh . No presents or cards and very few parties ime . I am in south east Wales. I don't know if this is something local to me or not. Congratuations btw OP!!

ScarlettFreestone · 23/06/2017 21:04

It's only been a week!

I would expect them to ask you about it next time you all get together.

Lots of people don't send engagement cards - I don't unless I'm invited to an engagement party.

I'm not sure I understand your point about buying gifts for your potential bridesmaids?

Gifts are usually given after they have performed their duties, not before you ask them...?

austenozzy · 23/06/2017 21:05

Congratulations, first of all!

But, like weddings, they're only a big deal tithe couple involved and the nearest & dearest. I'm sure your friends are happy for you, though. There might be a party in the offing, but to most people it won't mean a huge amount.

Refilona · 23/06/2017 21:06

Yes congratulations is the only thing I'd expect to be honest! It's not like you got married yet. You're being oversensitive sorry! Congratulations anyway. Have fun planning the wedding!

RhubardGin · 23/06/2017 21:07

Congratulations! I got engaged last month and it's a wonderful feeling Smile

I would feel upset if I were you too, but maybe they are planning something special?

Don't expect much sympathy from most people on here. Be prepared to get told YABU. Mumsnet are funny with engagements and weddings!

How did he propose and where?

EmmaC78 · 23/06/2017 21:12

If my friend got engaged I would send a brief text or message to say Congratulations but would not get a card or a present and would not organise any sort of celebration. I wouldn't expect it if I got engaged. I know you are excited but as others have said weddings/engagements are only really important to the couple involved and to close family.

MaisyPops · 23/06/2017 21:18

ScarlettFreestone
That's where you're wrong haha! It's a whole new level of money making.

It's now the done thing to "propose" to your bridesmaid with some sort of gift and cheesy 'will you be my bridesmaids?' Thing that can she shared all over social media.

Can you tell I'm cynical about lots of buy shit because it's a wedding type things.Grin

RhubardGin · 23/06/2017 21:20

I must live on a different planet!

I got engaged 5 weeks ago and we have had dozens of cards from our friends, family and colleagues. My desk was decorated at work and I was given gifts and champagne.

My best friends came round with balloons and we had a girly night in.

Our family and friends are super excited and we've been blown away by everyone's warm wishes and generosity.

All these features are completely the norm. You all sound like completely miserable buggers to be be honest!

"It's nice you're engaged but nobody else gives a crap"....not where I'm from thankfully Smile

MaisyPops · 23/06/2017 21:26

RhubardGin
I have old uni friends on Facebook who are into all that over the top everything is a celebration look at me type thing.

Truth be told, it's a fairly new trend and not one that a lot of people (judging by my social group and this thread) are a fan of.

But then, I'd also imagine that those of us who aren't a fan of fawning over engagements equally don't get gender reveal parties, big baby showers, push presents etc either. None of my friends do big engagement fuss and none of us do any of those other 'look at me' events.

Weebitty · 23/06/2017 21:28

I'm sorry but engagement parties are grabby. My sil insisted on one... expected presented and fuss. Then they expected the same again at their wedding. A card/ small bottle maybe but I wouldn't expect it

RhubardGin · 23/06/2017 21:32

It's not a look at me event. It's friends and family wanting to make a fuss over people they love taking a new step in their lives.

Why does everything have to have an agenda?

I'm actually not a look at me type person, nether is my fiancé which is why we were so blown away by everyone's thoughtfulness.

I make a fuss when things like this happen in my loved ones lives because it's exciting! It's got nothing to do with being an attention seeker, what a sad way to view it.

McTufty · 23/06/2017 21:33

maisypops

Getting engaged is not the same as having a baby shower or a gender reveal party. Getting engaged (which is all OP has done) isn't "look at me". Most people I've ever met from any walks of life have it in them to be happy and excited for their friends when something nice happens to them. You sound a bit mean spirited in your post.

MaisyPops · 23/06/2017 21:36

We have to agree to disagree.

I don't believe any of our social circle or family were any less happy for friends having babies, getting engaged because we haven't had some kind of event.

To me, covering desks with balloons and stuff is totally excessive and is all about everyone noticing. Same for proposing to bridesmaids.

It may be a total coincidence but as social media increases seemingly the number new occasions that people must have events, presents and 'so blessed to have amazing friends/colleagues' posts go up.

ILoveDolly · 23/06/2017 21:38

Try not to compare what you get with what other people get. It just hurts if you notice someone seems to get more fuss. I have experience d this where friends make a big fuss over another friend yet seem not to be bothered about my things. Just try and be happy with what is for you a happy time. Sometimes it's just timing, like the organiser of the group is preoccupied or everyone is busy etc

Gemini69 · 23/06/2017 21:38

I think if you feel snubbed then your definitely being snubbed..... you know these people... we don't... so trust your feelings... your not being selfish.. you've gotten engaged and it's a wonderful thing regardless of the comments to the contrary ....

Congratulations and may your Wedding be a wonderful day ...

p.s. you deserve a bit of... 'Look At Me' time x

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