I feel like a worthless, useless piece of shit

[Cottonheadedninnnymuggins]

I posted some months ago about the problems I'm having in my marriage and things have come to a head again this morning. I've been with my husband 25 years, 3 DC. I have given up everything in my life to support him in his chosen career, I had such dreams and ambitions. I took him back after had an affair and have always stood strong at his side. Some years ago we remortgaged the house so he could buy into his business practice. We have lost everything, he has now left his practise and set up on his own and things are looking good.

The stress over the past few months has been intolerable, the last five months he was a partner in his old practise he did not get paid, so the mortgage is in arrears and we have been living hand to mouth. I am a freelance content writer so work is unpredictable. I also make jewellery and I have kept us going through the lean times as well as doing 99% of the childcare and housework.

This morning at 4.30am my husband jumped out of bed and started his favourite rant. His life is crap because we don't have enough sex, I don't make enough of an effort with myself, he can't understand why I don't wear make up all the time and I should be making myself look sexy for him. He hates my cooking and has been looking into seeing a prostitute. He doesn't think it fair that a man if his looks and calibre should be getting less sex than 'normal looking' men.

I tried to explain yet again, that I have constant anxiety, I don't sleep and I have a low opinion of myself and that has affected my libido. Apparently women don't have a libido, they just have to open their legs. He has said this before...I am not a vag on a stick! Financially, I can't leave, I've wasted so many years on a shallow, self centred twat from hell. My plan was to get more work and put money away in order to free my fanny. I have emailed some of my contacts this morning, so fingers crossed something will come from that. It's so hard to drag yourself up when you have been so low for so long, I feel worthless and useless and fucking ugly. I was so pathetic this morning trying to pacify him because he was starting to get aggressive. I used to be strong and funny, I had so much potential but now I am nothing. A pathetic creature, who does not even wear lipstick, well shame on me. Sorry to rant I needed to get this off my chest before the kids get up.

You are about as far from useless as it's possible to be. Sounds like you have single-handedly kept your family going for years, all the time whilst dealing with a piece-of-crap husband. That shows real strength and tenacity - and it's now time to use those qualities to get rid of the drain on your finances and self-esteem - ie the husband. I have no doubt you'll come through this even stronger than you are now. Your children are so lucky to have you as a mother. Now, keep on putting those ducks in a row, and when the time's right, get rid. Wishing you all the best.

OP, leave. Your kids sound wonderful, but you need to get them and yourself out of there and away from that monster.

Call Women's Aid. Please.

This horrendous excuse for a man! Your boys will be relieved when you can all finally kick him to the kerb. You have the rest of your lives ahead of you. He is so self-centred he can't even conceive that you'll ever leave him.
Just tell him tonight that he is absolutely right. If course you have no libido because you are stuck with a pathetic excuse for a man that - a) you are not attracted to b) have no respect for whatsoever and c) despise.
Tell her m he is a pathetic failure on every level - as a husband, father and as a man. His boys see through him and so do you and it makes you all sick. He is draining the life out if you. He can't even support his family financially so he is a failure there too.
Tell him to shut up and f off and you're not interested in anything he has to say from this day forward. The wool has fallen from your eyes and that's the end off it.
Do not do a single thing for him ever again and chuck his belongings into the front garden.
If he gets violent - call the police and get him arrested.
Make this the first day of the rest of your life.
Billions of men and decent people in the world and there is I need to suffer this fool a second longer.

OP I have no words. He is truly awful. You have worth, you have value. Please remember this. You've stood by this oaf through thick and thin, more than most women could stand whilst raising your children and working for yourself. You have been worn down by this dick. you deserve a better life than this

Wow, have you said exactly what you wrote in your last post to the useless waste of oxygen you had the misfortune to marry? That is exactly the sort of rage you need and he needs to be on the receiving end of.

If you're useless I might as well give up now. I have never achieved the level of business success you listed and feel particularly inadequate.

He can't really think that much of himself if he realises he needs to pay someone to fuck him.

I think if I heard that conversation about being so good looking I'd have just blurted out laughing. But that he's thinking of a prostitute - and you have no money to eat well???? Yeah mate fix your dick with your cash, and let your kids starve you pathetic tosser. hmm

This.

He knows he is a failure. He has twisted his own failings and prjected them at you. I bet he blames you for his affair. I bet he blames you for the financial situation you're in. I bet he blames you for every fucking thing because wankers like this do exactly that. They don't know the meaning of responsibility. It made my blood boil reading your last post and yet I could have cried.

OP, you are remarkable, your children know you are. They are a credit to YOU! Please get out whilst you have some fight left in you. Please. Have you a friend you can stay with for a short while whilst you get things in order? Please see a solicitor, they offer free half hour consultations. Please see what benefits you would be entitled to, you may find leaving is doable. Please, there are brighter times up ahead. Get out while you can.

He's a toxic shithouse.

You are far too good for him. Make a happy life for yourself OP. You've given him enough of yourself xx

He sounds quite horrid.
Time to get out of self-pity and start taking affirmative action to free yourself of this monster. That's how you will feel better: not moaning on the internet but getting rid of him. Be strong and act!

He's the vilest human being possible; please make steps to get away from him and stop taking the blame for his utterly disgusting behaviour towards you, you are clever, you are more than capable to have a nice life but only if you get rid of this piece of shit.

That's all there is to say OP.

I'm so sad and sorry for you. I really am. I too am in a crap situation with a bully who threatened to smack me again last night. How do we get ourselves into these situations. You sound stronger than me. Do it and go. He won't be bothered either way. Your already rich. You have 3 amazing boys who gave got your back and will grow to be fine men. 💐

Mrs
You have to get rid of him as well. Surely it's possible?

Cotton you are not useless. He has made you feel this way by slowly destroying your confidence with his horrendous behaviour. He sounds absolutely vile. You have supported him throughout it all and are still raising his kids. Get as much money together as you can and stay strong. You can do this and you will.

Mesmerised** he will kill me. He's the nastiest person ever your worst nightmare when he's on a binge. I wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy. Sorry OP this is about you and not me.

Mrs that sounds horrific too.

Can you not escape, call the police?

Channel that anger and get out now with your boys. Do you have family nearby that can help temporarily whilst you get yourself sorted? Get a job and build up s different life. Don't stay for s minute longer.

Mrs, I'm so sorry to hear that, men can be utter twats.

Cotton You matter! You are worth everything to your amazing children who already see through their fathers venomous character.

You are the strength in the relationship, he is weak. Rest assured when you walk out the front door for good, and you will...he will finally suffer his downfall that has long been over due.

He's a pathetic narcissistic bullying man who has survived off the back of his lovely wife's tolerance and hard work supporting him through his bad decisions.

It doesn't matter about the house being in negative equity, money really doesn't matter when it comes to quality of life.

Go and see a few solicitors for a free half hour consultation and start planning your escape, because that's what it will be. You will look back in time and not be able to recognise the woman so down beaten she is full of anxiety and self loathing.

Do it for yourself and your kids, leave.
Look after yourself. No one else can do it for you

OP.. I don't know where to begin... your situation sounds unbearable... I just want to kind thoughts and hope your find the strength for you and your boys to be happy wherever that may be

Bloody hell..I'm in tears reading this. Cotton, please think about what it might take to just leave. You can't wait for businesses to take off and market prices to pick up, it may never happen. What obstacles can you see against you renting somewhere with your boys? Even bankruptcy would be worth it to be free of this fucking monster.

Mrs- why don't you start a thread ..mn will be a huge help to you

Mrs - Could you start a thread? He sounds about as dangerous as it gets.

There’s a lot of living left to do after 46, don’t waste another year
on this man. You’re understandably very down, who wouldn’t be
but that awesome, capable woman still shines through, Op.

Sorry you’re in an awful situation too, mrsD

I'm so sad reading this...and bloody angry!

There's always a way OP, but understandably, it's difficult to see it right now. This is why you need to speak to a professional - someone who can really help. Bottom line is, you can't stay with him, right? You just can't.

Mrs, the same goes to you. Do you have anyone in rl who could help?

I'm just so sorry how common this seems to be

Just remember this, everything that comes out of his vile mouth says a lot about him and nothing about you.

I hope you have a separate account for your business.

Go get some legal advice.

Can you leave and stay with relatives?

Start planning your future, without him.

Six years down and I still remember that day I left the asshole behind me. Every day I am happy I did it xxx