Sexy but dull

[user1497461889]

So after 20 years married, 3 healthy children my very attractive wife although looking amazing rather reads a book in bed morning noon and night rather than spend quality time having sex. I know life is not a porn film, I get that but my needs are not being met. Am I unreasonable? We have money in the bank, the kids look after themselves, we have freedom now to go out at weekends and be a couple again but come Saturday night, she dresses up looks great, we drink wine and then I head upstairs light the candles aftershave on and wait and wait. Darling wife stays downstairs reading a book sometimes to 5am. Come Sunday morning after she has come up eventually we have a routine once the book is put down between 9 and 10 but there is no foreplay to the usual Sunday romp before the household awakens, privacy is not a problem but the Kindle book is, sex must be had with efficiency she says do you want a quicky whereas I want intimacy, variety and not just a 'quicky'. I buy her sexy clothes which she wears and looks great but when it comes to the act it has become dull as she just lies there, sex toys are dismissed quickly any alternative sex acts are considered to be abnormal. I even booked a hotel for one night as a surprise once to spice things up and she went through with it worrying about the kids who were safe with a family friend rather than having a thrilling night away. All children are in their teens. I have never looked elsewhere but know there is more to enjoy in life but why can't my wife. She is free to treat herself to clothes makeup new haircuts and is a trim size 10 with admirers aplenty when we go out, and she always comes home with me proudly on my arm but it is an empty gesture - as nothing happens. She has never been a tactile person and needs a wine to loosen up but that has fallen flat now and she just does not seem to want to have sex anymore what are we doing wrong ? What can I do to increase her dead libido. I enjoy sex often as most men do and I know women are different I would rather please her than me. For solace I am now pleasing myself in so much that I go out to the pub on my own hoping to meet someone now but I would rather she came with me but it is too much effort, her greatest enjoyment is the Kindle and I lose out often. I am sad and frustrated I work hard good with the kids too, and even do the housework come the weekend I look forward to what could be but by Sunday dinner time that optimism has gone- but I know I am not perfect but feel myself wanting to looking elsewhere now. It seems a ever decreasing circle.

Here you go SirRaymond, you can share mine....

From:user1497461889
To:Orlandointhewilderness
Subject:Reading matter
Date:Thu 15-Jun-17 22:24:40

Learning to drive, ghosts stories and....wait for it historical romance. There maybe clues there ?

All that effort to write on the thread and I didn't even get a PM 🙄

I got one too. OP doesn't really know how to sell himself, does he?

From:user1497461889To:JustHereForThePooStoriesSubject:Thrills ?Date:Thu 15-Jun-17 22:31:00
Never said I was a thrilling prospect, in fact I am acutely aware of my shortcomings. I have always had a battle with confidence due to being bullied as a boy. I did dancing from 3 to 11 and was bullied rotten and this took years to shake off and then into puberty which brings its own version of struggling with a changing body and insecurities. Acne, big nose being skinny. Hooking up with my wife when we were 17 was the best thing that happened to me and my self confidence !

It's not really on to share contents of private messages tbh. Reported.

Is this guy after a pick up!! OP you come over like a Jason King sex pest. Woman over a certain age and of a certain intelligence tend to need brain to be stimulated and a certain 'vibe' .i also am not sure of age but if your wife is going through menopause , it may be like me that her libido gas disappeared and you could be George Clooney and she wouldn't be that bothered. I'm not saying that is good or you should put up with it if it's causing you an issue, but if she ain't feeling it, she isn't, regardless of what you do

TBH OP you sound dull and immature. You don't seem to know much about women at all. Why are you trying to get intimate with stuff that turns you on? What about her? You see her as an object that's your problem.
Not only are you scared of her attractive looks but her brain too.
Give me a book any day.
Its not attractive.

The only posts I ever seem to see from men on here are all about the same thing

Have you considered that it's not the kindle stopping your wife having sex with you, it's your wife not wanting to have sex with you so she goes on her kindle.

It seems like you've done everything except actually talk to her?

It's not really on to share contents of private messages tbh

It wasn't a private message. It was an unsolicited, and creepy, correspondence using the inbox function.

The only posts I ever seem to see from men on here are all about the same thin

Have you ever been on the sex topic? There are certain male posters that literally only post on that topic

I'm not sure if Njord was kidding or not. But I agree if someone engages you in (unsolicited) private conversation they risk it being laughed at in the internet.

No I was joking and I agree. Report function is for those communications.

Awwwww man!

I hope I dnt get a personal message. Ya see I'm reading the Haynes manual of the 1990 T2 campervan (last edition 1990) on my kindle every night until 5am, then I spend all day being a trim size ten and being admired aplenty Not.
All joking aside, communication is key here and for whatever reason you are both not talking. Its not because your punching above your weight, it's more likely she finds the attention tiresome, after 20 years you are going to need to turn her head on and create a connection.

I had a pm and I thought he was felling sad , I think his wife has got the menopause badly and has totally gone off sex . I told him to talk and talk and talk to her, I felt sorry for him but I blocked him straight after I pm'd him back , my hubba would not like it lol

Am appalled at the people on here who haven't put the screenshot of the PM on here.

Shame on you.

haha @PB

This is my reply but I feel bad putting his pm here but you can guess the gist of his from my reply PB lol
I feel bad for you op , you are obviously feeling very upset about your wife's indifference toward you . I think the only thing you can do is to communicate with her and talk and talk and talk. Perhaps some counselling may help . I truly hope you get where you want to go Good luck my dear . The other thing is you have been together a very long time and sometimes you need to change things up you know ? Anyway Good luck in your future with your wife .