So after 20 years married, 3 healthy children my very attractive wife although looking amazing rather reads a book in bed morning noon and night rather than spend quality time having sex. I know life is not a porn film, I get that but my needs are not being met. Am I unreasonable? We have money in the bank, the kids look after themselves, we have freedom now to go out at weekends and be a couple again but come Saturday night, she dresses up looks great, we drink wine and then I head upstairs light the candles aftershave on and wait and wait. Darling wife stays downstairs reading a book sometimes to 5am. Come Sunday morning after she has come up eventually we have a routine once the book is put down between 9 and 10 but there is no foreplay to the usual Sunday romp before the household awakens, privacy is not a problem but the Kindle book is, sex must be had with efficiency she says do you want a quicky whereas I want intimacy, variety and not just a 'quicky'. I buy her sexy clothes which she wears and looks great but when it comes to the act it has become dull as she just lies there, sex toys are dismissed quickly any alternative sex acts are considered to be abnormal. I even booked a hotel for one night as a surprise once to spice things up and she went through with it worrying about the kids who were safe with a family friend rather than having a thrilling night away. All children are in their teens. I have never looked elsewhere but know there is more to enjoy in life but why can't my wife. She is free to treat herself to clothes makeup new haircuts and is a trim size 10 with admirers aplenty when we go out, and she always comes home with me proudly on my arm but it is an empty gesture - as nothing happens. She has never been a tactile person and needs a wine to loosen up but that has fallen flat now and she just does not seem to want to have sex anymore what are we doing wrong ? What can I do to increase her dead libido. I enjoy sex often as most men do and I know women are different I would rather please her than me. For solace I am now pleasing myself in so much that I go out to the pub on my own hoping to meet someone now but I would rather she came with me but it is too much effort, her greatest enjoyment is the Kindle and I lose out often. I am sad and frustrated I work hard good with the kids too, and even do the housework come the weekend I look forward to what could be but by Sunday dinner time that optimism has gone- but I know I am not perfect but feel myself wanting to looking elsewhere now. It seems a ever decreasing circle.