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Original poster

Best online dating sites?

63 replies

Cherryblossom200 · 13/06/2017 19:02

Hi there,

I'm a single parent and would love to meet someone, I've been single for a few years now and feel ready to dip my toe into the dating scene again!

In the past I've tried Tinder and Bumble (before becoming a mum) but I don't think I'll find my soul mate there Wink

Ideally I'd like to try a site which doesn't cost anything (or very much) but I'm wondering if you tend to then get the oddballs 😝 Do people tend to just sign up to all of them?!

OP posts:
HildaOg · 13/06/2017 19:24

I like plenty of fish. It's free, lots of men, you have to filter a few creepy ones to get to the nice men but I've met quite a few nice ones.

Minime85 · 13/06/2017 19:27

Pof definitely Grin

RandomChocolate8 · 13/06/2017 19:45

I liked OKCupid. The profile options and all the questions made it easy to get an idea of personality.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 13/06/2017 19:47

Ok great thanks! I'll try them both 😊 X

OP posts:
TDHManchester · 13/06/2017 19:48

I suspect POF is more awash with men just after a casual shag/cheating on their partner.

Calyx72 · 13/06/2017 19:50

Met my OH on POF also the four previous nice dates. I was also on OK Cupid and eHarmony and met no-one from those.

fedupandnogin · 13/06/2017 19:54

I've tried POF and Tinder in the past. There seemed to be more choice (if that's the right word?) on POF. I had one date from there and it developed into a long term relationship which didn't work out in the end but not through any fault of the site. I've just tried Tinder and there seemed lots of men on there without profiles, with odd photos (or none) or who you could tell weren't looking for a relationship. So I didn't swipe right much. But I've just had a couple of dates with someone I've met on Tinder and he seems OK, normal and genuine....Try both!

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 13/06/2017 19:56

Tinder just seems more hard work for some reason, plus I find a lot of men just want a shag..

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 13/06/2017 20:03

I like POF and OKC and I don't get any messages from creeps! I'm sure they're out there, though. Tried and didn't like Tinder because it's all very well liking the look of somebody's pretty face but entirely disappointing when you then see their profile and realise they're nothing but one. I like to see what somebody's written to decide if I'm interested or not.

Basically, whatever site you're on you'll need to filter through the block-sent messages from men who will send "Hi howz u hun" to hundreds of women. It's irritating but you get used to it :)

MirandaWest · 13/06/2017 20:05

I met DH through OK Cupid.

We were both on PoF but I think I did more messaging on OKCupid. I should think lots of people are on more than one dating site

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 13/06/2017 20:08

I'm definitely going to try both 😁 Quite exciting!

OP posts:
Laura9867 · 13/06/2017 20:09

There are a lot of men on POF but barely any have resulted in dates for me. Most of the conversations fizzle out after a few messages and a lot of guys seem to be looking for flings/something casual. Perhaps it depends on where you live? I did meet one man who I ended up being friends with which is quite nice. Tempted to join OKCupid or give up Shock

Lovemusic33 · 13/06/2017 20:35

I am on POF as itsthe only site that has a large selection of men in my area, it is hard work though, a lot of men are looking for hook ups, some are married and some are desperate to find someone to have their children. You need a thick skin Grin.

SuperSkyRocketing · 13/06/2017 21:21

Naive question here but is there a quick fire way to tell if a man on a dating site is either married or in a relationship?

HildaOg · 13/06/2017 21:28

Super; if they don't have a photo up they certainly are although some don't care. Ask them directly. Most will admit online if they are. If you have any suspicion beyond that, ask face to face. If he squirms or acts evasive then yes.

sofreakingtired · 13/06/2017 21:31

I met my now DH on plenty of fish, so guess that has to get my vote Wink

Lovemusic33 · 13/06/2017 21:55

I never reply to someone who doesn't have a photo or has a photo that just shows the back of their head or just a eye Grin. I have asked people straight out before, one said he was in a relationship but he was bored. It's usually pretty easy to guess but I did date someone several times once before I worked out that he had a wife at home.

Forwardsforwards · 13/06/2017 22:25

Personally I think they're all shit. Have yet to meet someone vaguely normal. Have had a few friends review my profile for me, no major flags at my end.

I've seen the same faces across PoF, OkC, Tinder & Bumble. All wanting shags/sexting... maybe I attract the disingenuous players... Confused

Close to packing it in.

Laura9867 · 13/06/2017 22:36

Same here Forwardsforwards! Smile

fedupandnogin · 14/06/2017 05:42

I think it's important to make it very clear on your own profile on whatever sites you are using what you want/don't want. It might stop a few of the stupid messages. I would not contact anyone without a picture and a profile. The difference with Tinder is that you both have to have liked each other's profile before you message (I think) which reduces messages a bit.

RandomChocolate8 · 14/06/2017 07:21

I've met some decent guys on OLD, some of whom I'm still friends with.
I think the trick is twofold:
--firstly, make sure you have a decent fully written profile with a few realistic pictures so they can get an idea of who you are and if you might be a match
--secondly, don't bother with anyone who can't be bothered to send a decent first message. If you've got a full profile, there should be a good range of options to open with.
Men who just say 'hi' or 'tell me about yourself' haven't bothered to read your profile and are just sending messages to every female in a 30 mile radius in the hope of getting a hit.
Like others have said, no profile picture often means married although I'm always agog at the utter brass neck of how many men will often have their faces on show (and sometimes penises too) and are quite open about being married and looking to cheat.
Like another poster said, ask them outright. I don't think the decent ones are offended by it, and the married ones can be weirdly honest. Even if they're not honest, they might let the messages fizzle out after you asking if they figure you're not going to be the easy bit on the side they're hoping for.

Forwardsforwards · 14/06/2017 09:04

Also, I dont reply to half arsed "hi there" messages. Too scattergun.

As for Bumble, I've yet to be liked by anyone on that site who has arsed themselves writing back properly. I think men must see it as a numbers game and then choose the pick of the crop.
Maybe that's where I'm going wrong. No gameplan

Bant · 14/06/2017 10:19

Of course there are the same faces across multiple sites. There are women on multiple sites too. It's a numbers game.

If a man doesn't have a profile photo, it's likely that he's married/attached. Apparently 1/3 of men's profiles are married men.

You'll get loads of 'hey there' messages, which are scattergun approaches, or people who can't be bothered to read your profile and try and be interesting. If you really like the look of their profile then reply, but those messagers are just playing the odds that someone will do so.

The Dating thread on here has people in similar positions to you, OP - join that for advice from dozens of people, plus opinions of different dating sites and sanity checks.

Forwardsforwards · 14/06/2017 11:16

Bant - didn't mean to imply the behaviours are one sided but realise its how I conveyed my message.

oscareyeballs · 14/06/2017 15:52

So playing devil's advocate here, how can a guy get that girl to respond to him? What is witty, interesting and worth responding to?

Does he chase her until she responds? How many messages are too much? Where does it cross the line into harassment/blocking territory? A lady I worked with said her now DH sent her loads of messages until she "gave in". She said he wasn't his type but eventually responded, dated and they got married, etc. That's not my style, I'm more Eminem - "one shot, one opportunity..."

Also, if he is supposed to come up with something interesting and witty and he likes say 6 girls, spends 15 on each message before sending, that's 90 mins of his day spent sending messages which probably don't even get read let alone responded to. If he does this solidly for 1 week, that's 7 and 1/2 hours per week just for that.

If he is serious about finding someone, then it's either scatter gun or nothing. If he waits 2 days between messages before messaging another then he will be waiting a long time.

Unfortunately, IMO OLD is by design meant to be scatter gun. The site is called POF, and more people will try chucking out that net to gather as many fish as possible instead of spear fishing in the hope of catching "the one"! I've sent out "hey there" and received a handful of "hey there" from ladies too.

Did my efforts talking about "that guy" cover up that this is definitely not me?! Hmm

You might want to watch this amusing take on OLD, it's not only men who cast their net out far:
www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_dating

P.S - Where's a Hitch when you need him?