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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone else craving a proposal?!

89 replies

Tippitoesandbuttonnose · 12/06/2017 19:03

(Somewhat) lighthearted

One of my cousins has just sent round the text 'OH popped the question tonight, I said yes!'

All I want is to settle down but I know my OH would never think that the 2 years we've been together is long enough to proposeHmm

Anyone else on MN dying for their OH to propose? I swear I'm not jealous Wink

OP posts:
DoesHeWantToOrNot · 13/06/2017 13:50

I was not expecting to get pregnant mainly because I had been told I couldn't have children. We've been together 3 years and his divorce will be finalised next year.

Just because it wasn't finalised when we had our daughter doesn't make one bit of difference to our situation.

2014newme · 13/06/2017 14:06

Well it does make a difference as he cannot marry you currently. He's already married.
So N the context of yoy wanting to get married it makes ability difference.

Syc4moreTrees · 13/06/2017 14:06

doeshewanttoornot You really don't have to justify yourself, some people just enjoy a good wind up.

DoesHeWantToOrNot · 13/06/2017 14:18

Even if he was divorced we still wouldn't be getting married any time soon.

It only changes the legality of getting married right now. However as we don't have the money to get married anytime soon it makes no difference.

JoJoSM2 · 13/06/2017 14:18

I felt ready to marry after we'd been living together for a year. At the time, DH said he wasn't ready. I asked him to take 6 months to think about it and either split up or get married. Not exactly romantic but apparently he's now glad I did that.

DoesHeWantToOrNot · 13/06/2017 14:19

@syc thanks. I just get annoyed sometimes when people go on about him still married. It's not like he's going to run back to her as I was there when he posted all the documents etc to his ex wife lol

Samoyedydog · 13/06/2017 14:47

Been together 5 years. Have discussed it, sometimes he talks like we will sometimes he straight out says he doesn't ever want to. So confusing Sad

IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 13/06/2017 18:05

It's not confusing Sam. He doesn't want to get married. He might occasionally play the game because he doesn't want you to leave him

2014newme · 13/06/2017 18:11

It's not confusing Sam. He doesn't want to get married, he's been clear on rhat. You aren't listening

RedMetamorphosis · 13/06/2017 18:12

Been together 7.5 years and had always discussed it as an in the future thing. Late last year we started discussing it in more concrete terms and got married last month. Having a big party next year.

It cost us about £400 in total to get married legally and even that was more than we had to. You don't need to save up to get married.

Beyondworried · 13/06/2017 18:14

I would really just love it if everyone would stop asking when we're getting married. Or having babies. Or buying a house.

yes...... damn those people for having an interest in your life and plans

Whitney168 · 13/06/2017 18:23

It's amazing how many men who never want to get married change their minds with a new partner though, and are often married quite quickly.

SPenfj · 13/06/2017 18:27

yes, so as a poster upthread said, she gave her partner six months to think about it or break it off, I think that's a really good approach. It's not like ''act now or I'm out of here'' but it's ok to have your own agenda and it's ok to put what you want before what somebody else wants. Especially if what somebody else wants is that you put up with their indecision.

SPenfj · 13/06/2017 18:31

BertrandAndRussell unlike you to misunderstand so completely but I'll explain again, it's not how I think of relationships full stop, it's why I think women are more at risk of wasting their time. I would have thought this was obvious from a quick glance at relationships on mumsnet!

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 18:32

Completely agree that if someone wants to get married the best thing to do is discuss it with their partner. But if you are dying for a proposal you could also propose.

grobagsforever · 13/06/2017 19:37

This thread has made me weep for feminism. Do you all actually want to be married? A real marriage with problems and hard bits and boring bits? Or do you just want to be treated like precious dolls for the day?

Discuss it like adults. This is 2017. And tell any bloke who can't handle being proposed to to grow a pair.

Jesus wept.

DoesHeWantToOrNot · 13/06/2017 19:43

@grobags I'm wanting to be married for the protection of my daughter. However having been divorced I am reluctant slightly. And like I've mentioned he is still married.

And I never felt like a princess or anything on my wedding day. I actually hated the attention

BertrandRussell · 13/06/2017 20:32

You can protect yourself and your daughter without being married.

TurnipCake · 13/06/2017 21:32

One of my colleagues has been with her OH same amount of time I've been with mine. They've bought a house, car and pet together. She's desperate for him to propose and everytime they go on holiday she comes back upset and disappointed that it hasn't happened.

Everytime she tries to discuss it with him, he shuts her down and fobs her off that he wants to do it in his own time.

I knew I wanted to marry OH and after 2 years I decided I CBA to wait, we had a long discussion, went to look at a venue and booked it a week later. 6 months after that he produced a gorgeous ring, without a social media worthy proposal

pigletpie29 · 13/06/2017 21:44

This is a depressing thread. Please don't 'crave' a proposal. Do it yourself or suck it up if he doesn't. It's not the be all and end all of life!

WhatsGoingOnEh · 14/06/2017 07:40

Moving in together is a step away from getting married. Never live with a man if you'd rather be married to him. Same with having kids, a dog, a mortgage, etc.

Otherwise you'll find yourself with all the "trappings" of marriage, but no actual marriage.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 14/06/2017 07:43

And everyone suggesting proposing to men on here is COMPLETELY missing the point.

Women craving a proposal don't literally just want a proposal to happen. They want their partner to propose to them, so they feel/know that their partner wants a future with them, that they're loved, that they've been chosen, that they're cherished.

It's not like they want a screwdriver and they should toddle down to Homebase and pick one up themselves. These women are craving a tangible sign of commitment from their partner.

BertrandRussell · 14/06/2017 07:52

"Otherwise you'll find yourself with all the "trappings" of marriage, but no actual marriage"

Can you explain the difference?

heron98 · 14/06/2017 14:28

I would love a proposal but not so arsed about the wedding/marriage! I think it would just be lovely to be asked, like saying "I''ve chosen you forever". But the ceremony and the dress? Not so bothered. And in the day to day I am not sure that being married changes anything.

NotWeavingButDarning · 14/06/2017 15:02

Women craving a proposal don't literally just want a proposal to happen. They want their partner to propose to them, so they feel/know that their partner wants a future with them, that they're loved, that they've been chosen, that they're cherished.

Ehm...WHAT?? That's totally illogical! Why on earth wouldn't a man want those exact same things? Gender has absolutely fuck all to do with it Confused.

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