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Original poster

Anyone else craving a proposal?!

89 replies

Tippitoesandbuttonnose · 12/06/2017 19:03

(Somewhat) lighthearted

One of my cousins has just sent round the text 'OH popped the question tonight, I said yes!'

All I want is to settle down but I know my OH would never think that the 2 years we've been together is long enough to proposeHmm

Anyone else on MN dying for their OH to propose? I swear I'm not jealous Wink

OP posts:
DoesHeWantToOrNot · 12/06/2017 22:36

Like I said before I am only not asking because I asked my ex

I would like to be asked this time.

SPenfj · 12/06/2017 22:36

Don't be passive.

Raise it with him. Find out what he wants. If he says he doesn't want it then decide if that works for you.

livefrommysofa · 12/06/2017 22:37

Me and my partner have been together for 8 years. I'm rather keen to get married, he just says it's too expensive and it's a bigger commitment to have a mortgage and dogs together!!
I think if it doesn't happen in the next couple of years it will start to effect our relationship

BonnieF · 12/06/2017 23:30

It's 2017, not 1957 and we are either equal to me of we're not.

If we are, we should be able to discuss marriage as equals, and adults. We should also be able to propose to a man.

If we're not equal, we can behave like doormats and wait yo be asked.

SPenfj · 12/06/2017 23:38

I guess it boils down to the fact that one person always holds a bit more of the power and I think once young couples have been together a while, it ends up being the man because of the woman's biological clock (or, alternatively the increased perceived or real stigma of single parenting affecting mothers more) so for that reason I think women are more at risk of the of sunk cost fallacy

user1486956786 · 13/06/2017 00:18

I was keen for a proposal, bit over it now. Got the dog so I'm happy :D

Contemplating buying my own diamond ring. Something sort of empowering in it. (To wear on right hand). But I am a bit too independent and this is typical me :-)

BertrandRussell · 13/06/2017 06:31

"so for that reason I think women are more at risk of the of sunk cost fallacy"
What an extraordinary way to think about relationships!

nooka · 13/06/2017 07:00

I think it's quite a valid way to think, far too many people stay together and want to 'move on' to marriage because they have been together for a while and don't want to have to start again with someone new rather than getting married because they love their boy/girl friend and want to spend their lives together forever.

I don't really understand why the response to 'he won't propose' is to say you should propose. I think proposals (as in will she won't she) are a vestige of the past. My dh didn't propose to me. I didn't propose to him. We just decided together to get married.

Talk to your partner/boyfriend. Ask for their thoughts on the future. Say you'd would like to get married and see how they respond. Focus on the legal changes not on the expensive party, and if they aren't keen know that it probably won't happen.

TheNaze73 · 13/06/2017 07:35

Never understand why people sweat the small stuff. You can be in control of this situation if you just ask.

Do you think it's because he could say no that's holding you back?

wowbutter · 13/06/2017 07:48

My dad always told me that men can like you enough to shag you, but not marry you. Make sure you know which it is, before you get invested.

Aside from he moral issues, and anything else, if you want to get married, why are you not discussing it?
I can never fathom people who have children together, but seemingly cannot agree in marriage? Do you not speak? Did it not com up when you went to register the birth? It's not that y have to propose to him, it's a simple discussion.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 13/06/2017 07:52

Ask him?

Alittlepotofrosie · 13/06/2017 08:28

I had a nice grown up discussion with my now husband where we agreed to get married. Hence we were then engaged. It's all very well sitting around on your arse waiting to be asked but it's not the 1950s.

TheDogAteMyGoatskinVellum · 13/06/2017 09:44

Why wouldn't you just discuss it with him, instead of waiting and saying nothing? Is your issue more that you don't think he actually wants to get married yet/at all?

In the interests of full disclosure, I should say that my now DH did propose, but we had talked about getting married first, and I was rather young at the time. These days I don't think I'd want to bother with the whole man proposing thing. I also certainly wouldn't have let it get past 2 years without some concrete discussions on the matter if marriage was what I wanted (and it was).

Your housing situation worries me also. What's the plan there, why are you waiting? Is there no way you could also have a tenancy at his cousin's place?

IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 13/06/2017 09:51

I appreciate you want a little fantasy scenario and don't want to ask, we're all fed this bollocks from the moment we can put on a tutu so I get it. But the fact is waiting years of your life, wasting years of your life for something that might not happen so you can have that is stupid. If you both decide and he goes along with it, that means he wants to be married to you. I'd say it means a lot more than a man who finally proves ten years later after loads of passive aggressive hints. Woman up.

ElQuinto your nan is awesome

Vari757 · 13/06/2017 10:38

Ofcourse we are scared he might say no! If he hasnt asked yet it means he doesnt want to.... whether that is not yet or not at all remains to be seen. My partner has said yes but not yet after 2 years of living together so I am waiting until he lets me know when he is ready by asking

muckypup73 · 13/06/2017 10:44

Yes I did years ago, always wantedto get maried, not now though I have changed my mind.

Syc4moreTrees · 13/06/2017 10:45

With my H we talked about how we would get married one day, talked about our future, kids, house all that. I think what the ladies waiting on this thread are waiting for is for the talk to take form.

I understand the why don't you just ask him thing, but it's also fine for women to want to be proposed too. I know the modern trend is for female empowerment but with marriage I think there is an element of romance to a man asking you to marry him. I don't think it automatically means you then abdicate all future decisions to the man.

I find it unlikely that couples don't discuss marriage and that any proposal now comes as a bolt from the blue.

2014newme · 13/06/2017 10:47

@doeshewantornot I don't think I'd have a baby with someone that was married to another woman!
Having a baby with somebody else's husband holds no appeal.

IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 13/06/2017 10:47

I don't think sitting around for years is romantic.

grannytomine · 13/06/2017 10:48

I know a young couple who went away on a special holiday. He let slip that he had to "surprise" her with a proposal on the holiday. He had also been told where to "surprise" her and the ring she wanted him to suddenly produce.

I think she was preparing for a big FB sensation. They were a laughing stock, I think people struggled to work out who was the biggest idiot.

Sorry not really relevant, I hope you get your wedding soon.

Nospringflower · 13/06/2017 10:51

I dont really get the "proposal" thing either way round. Why do people want to be asked? Why cant it be a discussion whereby you agree you want to get married and you then go ahead and do it. Noone 'asking' anyone!

DoesHeWantToOrNot · 13/06/2017 11:31

@2014.

He was already separated when we got together. He then moved in with me and i fell pregnant.

It's not like it was behind her back and his divorce is taking longer than thought.

I was separated but still married when I met him just my divorce took a shorter time as me and my ex husband had less to sort out.

2014newme · 13/06/2017 11:46

I just really think having a baby when your partner is married to someone else is totally tacky! And although baby doesn't know, his dad is married to another woman.

Who said romance was dead?😂

DoesHeWantToOrNot · 13/06/2017 11:59

I was still married to another man when I got pregnant. It's not behind her back and their divorce is in progress. What does that matter?

Some people live apart for years without getting a divorce.

2014newme · 13/06/2017 12:45

If you are going to have a baby, get divorced first surely.