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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's hit me

89 replies

kafia · 11/06/2017 22:14

Again and I thought it was going to stop.
I don't know what to do I am numb. He's so, so angry and is just throwing stuff around. I have come out of the room but I just don't know what to do I am frozen.

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 11/06/2017 22:41

It's him, not you.
He is a violent arse, you will never be able to appease him.
Get out, report this assault to the police, contact Women's Aid.
You can live without him.

Onthehighseas · 11/06/2017 22:42

Him being angry or you living your entire life in fear of him. That is what it comes down to. You can make that call to the police, we are all here to support you. And if you get some help, you WILL be able to stay away from him.

You can do this I promise.

MumIsRunningAMarathon · 11/06/2017 22:43

Well if you won't call the police there's no other option

I'm guessing you won't leave him? What do you want to have happen?

twattymctwatterson · 11/06/2017 22:43

He won't stop abusing you. He does it because he enjoys it and because he can. He may seem like he's changed for a while to draw you back in but it's all a lie. Please don't become a statistic

NisekoWhistler · 11/06/2017 22:44

You can and will live without him, pack your bags and get it before you leave in a bag!!

GinGarden · 11/06/2017 22:49

Been there, done that, got the t shirt...GET OUT!! He will NOT change, do not believe anything he says. After 2 abusive relationships, i know! I am now happily married for 16yrs with 2 wonderful DCs - you can be too! Move on!!!

Roundles · 11/06/2017 22:51

Do it now.now.now. I waited too many years for someone else to call for.me. Unhappy, wasted years.

Original poster
kafia · 11/06/2017 22:51

I want to be away from him. But I clearly don't know how to fit because I keep coming back or letting him come back. It makes me scared but I am scared or not being here too

OP posts:
cordeliavorkosigan · 11/06/2017 22:53

Please call the police. We are all behind you, supporting you. There will always be people on MN out here to chat, share their own experiences and listen. What would you advise your friend to do in your situation? Or your dd or sister? You can leave. This can stop.

PurpleDaisies · 11/06/2017 22:53

Don't think long term-just get safe tonight and worry about the rest of it later.

Onthehighseas · 11/06/2017 22:56

Purple is right. Call the police, it is the only thing you need to do right now. We are here with you. I used to sleep with a knife under my pillow just in case. It was no life.

Escaping is frightening, but it is much less frightening than staying.

SasBel · 11/06/2017 23:06

Oh love, I read and ran your last post. So sorry. Get safe, get help.
He will never stop.

Roofflowers · 11/06/2017 23:07

I wind him up so much I don't mean to

That's no reason for him to hit you. As others have said, call the police, find somewhere safe to be tonight, stay strong. Flowers

kavanaughkj · 11/06/2017 23:12

You don't wind him up, he winds himself up. He is looking for an excuse to blame his violent acts on you, when he knows damn well he is the only one responsible for his own fists.

There is NEVER a justifiable reason to hit your partner. Don't you dare blame yourself for any of this. Call the police and get somewhere safe.

GinGarden · 11/06/2017 23:16

What part of the country are you in?DO you have DCs? Let us know so we can help you...you wouldn't be posting if you didn't need the Sisters of Mumsnet.We are here on standby..come on we can do this with you together xx

nocoolnamesleft · 12/06/2017 00:07

I'm sorry, but he isn't going to stop. He'll never stop. There are only two ways this stops. When you get out, either with the police or without them. Or when he kills you. Otherwise, he'll just keep hitting you. And raging at you. And destroying you. And then turning round and telling you that it's your fault. It isn't your fault. It's his fault. And he will not stop. He will not change.

Please, please, think again. You can survive without him. And staying with him will destroy you.

Hidingtonothing · 12/06/2017 00:31

OP am I reading between the lines correctly in thinking you've possibly reported him before but not managed to follow through with prosecution/leaving him? Would it help to know it takes on average 7 attempts for someone to leave an abusive relationship? Not having gone through with it in the past won't make the police or domestic violence services any less likely or willing to help you, they understand how hard it is to leave and so do we.

The first thing you need to do is get yourself safe for tonight, only you know the best way to make that happen but whatever you need to do, do it for tonight and then tomorrow we can help you start putting a plan in place. Women's Aid can help too, you can contact them on the national number or there's a function on their website to search for local services if you'd prefer that or are struggling to get through on the national number, they do get very busy.

Please know that we're here for you though, even if you don't manage to leave this time (and I very much hope you do) don't ever feel you can't come back here, we will support you Flowers

salsmum · 12/06/2017 00:38

Please get yourself to a place of safety NOW! Make an excuse to get out the door and ring women's aid you are stronger than you think please don't stay there if he's frightening you so much that you're frozen with fear...please try and get back to us and let us know you're safe.FlowersFlowers

JessieDoops · 12/06/2017 00:40

He has brainwashed you into thinking its your fault/you wind him up.... It's ALL his fault. No matter what... He should NEVER hit you, not once!!! You need to get out, get to safety and get help, now! If will never ever change unless you leave, I promise you that Flowers

erinaceus · 12/06/2017 00:44

kafia Do you feel safe posting which part of the country you are in? A local MNetter may be able to suggest resources for you.

Are you safe at the moment? Has he been violent towards you again since you posted?

salsmum · 12/06/2017 00:50

If you dial 999 op and then dial 55 you do NOT need to speak the police will know you are in danger and attend..This is for people who will be in more danger by speaking. Hopefully you won't need it but worth remembering.

LorLorr2 · 12/06/2017 00:53

Are you friendly with your neighbours, can one of them have you over tonight? Or do you feel he would scare them too?

salsmum · 12/06/2017 00:56

Really worried for ops safety.

LorLorr2 · 12/06/2017 01:05

Kafia, if I'm straight with you you sound exactly like the victim of domestic abuse. Your spouse has gotten violent and scares you, but you're addicted to him and believe it's your fault that you wind him up.
Is his reaction really acceptable? What would you think if a friend was describing this to you, what would you advise her?

I wish I could find it, but just recently there was a thread from a lady hiding from her partner in the house as he was scaring her too. She kept updating through getting out of the house, going to the police, getting her sister's support, feeling bad about it then the aftermath where she said she was packing his stuff up and felt really free & chuffed. It would be wonderful for you to get the help you need and to have the same end result. You do not deserve this, please don't tell yourself that you do!! X

Shoxfordian · 12/06/2017 05:45

I hope you're OK OP.

Have you considered calling Women's Aid?
Please know it's never your fault and that your partner should never be violent towards you

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