Has anyone dated when they are fat?

[SilverdaleGlen]

My last "date" was when I was a 18yo bitty, with a body I hated and would now kill for.

Kids and divorce later and I'm fat, size 16-18 with large boobs that head southwards, all weight on tummy and thighs. I can look good dressed, I have the chat, I have a handsome (wouldn't say pretty!) face but if I got undressed it all goes horribly wrong.

Someone want a date from an online app, what if they turn around and go "fuck me Jabba" and run?

So anyone been fat and still dated! How do you get past having an old lady body. I will join the gym but I'm not expecting miracles. Am I doomed?

Arrggghh what to do?!! I've set out my stall, that I'm not into hookups.

No disagreement with that from his end. I've told him I want to be.wooed.

That a bad idea?

Why would that be a bad idea, forwards, if wooing is what you want?

(Although I tend not to spell out to guys what I want. I prefer to see what they give freely, if their own accord - it tells you a lot about their character... )

Good point....he's asked me what I like...I've been vague 😂

I don't know whether it's old fashioned. Or sexist, know sweet FA anymore.

I think it's that I don't feel able to have sex without a connection....

Full length photo on dating sites so they know what to expect (I honestly don't mean that in a bad way!) then get drunk and get on with it!

Saying "I want to be wooed" is carte blanche for every text wanker out there to send you 100 wanky texts, for which you're not being paid btw, and expect you to answer all of them.

Go forth. Fuck. Enjoy. You'll be surprised how many men like "plus size" women, once you stop consuming mass media.

You do know some men and women like a fuller figure I have alot of male friends and most of there girlfriends are larger and there crazy about them I definitely prefer larger women and I'm really slim myself.

Good point Notthe I mentioned it in a dm to him only.
Agree, it's through practice and mistakes that I and others, no doubt, refine their techniques.

Real life is harder because I've no idea how to tell if someone is interested. I might see a guy sneaking look a few times, but I always assume they're revolted by me.

Forward I recognise that "is this a joke?" Feeling! Ignore it and go out with him!

TFP I'll have a chance in the secondhand market despite my flaws lucky me? Really couldn't tell if that one was supportive and just written by Ricky Gervais or...

Well I've joined and gym and more importantly I wandered around in a swimming costume and I wasn't the biggest or the oldest or the stretchmarkiest there. Solidarity my friendly female gym goers I felt very renewed!

Yep. I'm a size 18 - 20, I've always been bigger. I have never had trouble attracting men. My DP loves my body, just as I love his, because it is HIS. We met online too.
I am however envious of his ability to eat millions of calories a day and remain slim!

Good solidarity on this thread

Apparently when I met my now DW, she wasn't confident with her body and felt too big etc - I didn't notice anything wrong, really enjoyed being with her and we hit it off. When we first saw each other naked I was too excited about what we where about to do and feeling "yay she's naked"/"oooh boobs" to look at her in the judgemental way she looks at herself

Phil that's lovely to read. Very reassuring!

In the 'secondhand market', i.e. older people, especially divorcees with kids, I should think people are a lot less picky.
Um, actually, maybe they are much pickier, though perhaps not in the way you mean :) Divorcees have faced the prospect of life alone, and come to terms with it to some extent. They know they are better off with no partner than with a shit one. But looks-wise - yes, some will have learned to pay more attention to inner values. (Says she, deliberately ignoring her first experience of online dating, looking at the photos and salivating like someone in a sweet shop, able to pick'n'mix after 20 years with the Milky Bar Kid.)

I agree ravenmum. Most second hand people have been alone long enough to know that they have the tools to remain single and yet still live life and be content, and will only merge lives with somebody if they match their values. I know now I am more in tune with what those are than when I foolishly collided lives with my children's father.

Looks still matter though. I have seen profiles that are funny and on my wavelength. I message the men and they might like my profile but they don't reply (fully) because they can find a better looking or younger version of me. Sometimes you get a message saying ''thanks for the compliment, your profile is good too'' and then that's it. So it's just a nod to a good profile but they are looking for somebody younger or whatever. I'm not doing OLD atm, I am chatting to and meeting up with somebody who does live closely to his own values but he has terrible teeth so I'm a bit confused and conflicted. I suppose he'll try and kiss me soon. Not sure if that will be the end.

Came across this quote the other day which helped me. "Have you ever known a man who, when in the room with a naked willing woman, has turned and left? No? That's because they've hit the jackpot"

Bollocks! And very insulting actually, as it implies that all men are so desperate and grateful for the honour of being in the presence of a naked woman, that nothing will turn them off! Who wants a man like that?!

Forwards I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. It was him who messaged me and did the chasing. I couldn't understand why, as to my mind I'm fat and forty, whereas he's a bit younger, slim and gorgeous! I'll admit that for the first few months I used to ask myself why me and sometimes doubt him. Thing is, we get in brilliantly, laugh lots, chat lots and fancy each other loads! So please don't put yourself down, you get out there and enjoy yourself

I met one of my welsh cousins who is 50 for the first time since she was a child, at my cousins wedding
She's easily a 16, probably an 18 but my god she's as sexy as fuck.

Beautiful face, lovely smile.
Didn't wear anything provocative. In fact was probably a bit old fashioned/ mumsy

But she lit up the room. The warmth in her personality shone through. We chatted like old friends and she made everyone feel special.

And she's getting married this month.
Concentrate on being the best version of you..and a guy would be mad not to want a bit of hat.

Some of these skinny, sinewy, sport mad guys leave me cold.

My dh has a bit of a tum, like mine and we met when I was 56 and easily a 14-16

I never gave it a thought

Mrs Fluff lovely story! I hope you continue to be happy.
Maybe I am over thinking it. Maybe it will just happen pigswillfly I'll just have to wait and see

dowser that's really nice!

I have dated while fat and now I am regular to slim. I lost a massive amount of weight due to a medical problem I have and I now have a body that is currently very untoned and suffers from loose skin and a bikini scar that needs revision/tummy tuck, varicose veins, old stretch marks, and droopy boobs plus varying degrees of alopecia. I actually like my body, but I am realistic about what it's like. I'm honest about it with men as I feel I have no reason to not be and if they do not like it they can find someone they do like....

Yet, I have had no problem dating while fat or thin and droopy. The guys I have dated are attracted to me naked and none of them are perfect naked either... even the chiselled ones who spend their lives in the gym/playing sports (!).

I think that if they are attracted to you as a person and your energy then they are likely to be attracted to you naked. It will be the ones who have random hang ups or expect perfection in other areas who won't be attracted, but you'd not want one of them anyway, so that can be a good way of weeding them out!

Not waiting, that is so true about energy! I think that's exactly how I am. This thread has been really helpful in challenging me and my assumptions about my attractiveness. Gosh, the future might be brighter than I thought!

Don't worry.
Men who don't want a fat date won't pick you so you won't have to date them. Why choose people who find you unattractive? They are not in your universe.

Fat is rarely top of the list for men's desires, so you need to go after the men who don't care about your weight. Most likely they will be overweight or fat themselves, so if you contact other bigger people you'll be fine.

Next time you go to the supermarket, you'll GENERALLY see fat couple and thin couples, and not as often one fat and one thin.

If you see me in the supermarket with a thin man, it'll be my son. I like a bear. If any bears are reading, please ignore Neutrogena's advice and don't just contact other bigger people!

Although it was phrased a bit harshly, there's a good deal of truth in what Neutrogena says. I put quite a bit of time and effort into maintaining my weight and fitness because I want to be with a man who is slim and fit. I wouldn't expect him to make efforts to care for his body beyond what I would. I think this is quite a common attitude. My ex used to say that it's about having respect for your partner: if someone is forgoing other sexual options to be with you exclusively, it's nice to make yourself as attractive to them as possible.

But of course, for a significant minority of men 'as attractive as possible' will be plus size. And it's not true that fat always mates with fat, slim with slim. My friend, who is significantly bigger than a size 8 has a very skinny boyfriend who is absolutely wild about her body.

I agree with nutrogena.

I dont think that looking after yourself and desiring the same in a partner makes one an arsehole