Has anyone dated when they are fat?

[SilverdaleGlen]

My last "date" was when I was a 18yo bitty, with a body I hated and would now kill for.

Kids and divorce later and I'm fat, size 16-18 with large boobs that head southwards, all weight on tummy and thighs. I can look good dressed, I have the chat, I have a handsome (wouldn't say pretty!) face but if I got undressed it all goes horribly wrong.

Someone want a date from an online app, what if they turn around and go "fuck me Jabba" and run?

So anyone been fat and still dated! How do you get past having an old lady body. I will join the gym but I'm not expecting miracles. Am I doomed?

I am that godawful stereotype of "love happening when you are not looking".

I have been on maybe 3 dates in my whole life, have had 1 serious relationship (as serious as teenage relationships can be) and hit 40 as a massively overweight woman (far larger than 16-18) who was expecting to grow into my dotage alone and perfectly content.

The fact that my current very slim and sporty partner pursued me for weeks, if not months, before I even realised that was what he was doing still amuses him. He loves me and all my flabby bits I still don't get it but he does

I'm miles bigger than you and get loads of attention on dating sites. Not always from the most promising men but there are enough decent ones in there. As PPs have said, just be honest with your pics - mine are a mix of very glam selfies (both with and without my specs), with a couple of daft ones taken from a bit further away so they can tell I'm not skinny. I'm also very upfront and jokey about it in my profile description. It's not always a drawback having a bit more to love; I'm always being told that I give the best cuddles ever.

When it comes to getting undressed, honestly, they will be so chuffed that a woman is prepared to get naked with them that they won't notice the bits you hate (especially if you have big boobs). Men have their own imperfections and insecurities too. Just have fun and don't expect too much at first; there are some decent blokes online but there are also a lot of chancers, but I gather that's the same whatever your size. Good luck!

You sound a bit disconnected from your body - you need to love yourself before anyone else can love you properly.
Why not go for a few massages or something just to get over the whole impact of showing yourself to someone new?

I am a size 22/24 and 5ft 10 tall and successfully internet date. I'm comfortable with my size and my body and have less hang ups than a lot of my smaller friends. Some men like the larger lady like they have a preference for blondes or brunettes so I never take it personally if they would rather date someone short/slim. We all like what we like so I really wouldn't worry about your size, get out there be confident and enjoy it.

I agree with much of what's been said here: it's about how sexy you feel, not a number on a clothes tag. If you put yourself out there as a woman who is unapologetically at home and feeling sexy in her body, you will have men queuing up to be with you. Men look to like: they're not nearly as nit-picking and critical as we are about ourselves. Objectively, I don't have a great body. Parts of it are bordering on disfigured, and yet I have had men say the most absurdly complimentary things about me and how I affect them. It's about an atmosphere of sexiness rather than an evaluation of body parts.

That said, you may find it worth your while to lose some weight as I believe that, aside from basic cleanliness and personal hygiene, body shape is the biggest factor influencing initial attraction. With every half stone you lose, you'll attract exponentially more men (I've been everything between a 16 and an 8, so can attest to this). You don't need to, as you'll attract guys anyway, but it could just give you that bit more choice??

I think a lot of it is confidence. I lost weight last year and felt so much more confident and felt like men were more attracted to me. I've put a bit of weight on recently and don't feel attractive even though I'm smaller than last year when I lost the weight iykwim.

It's definitely worth exercising and eating well to lose weight both for your health and for your confidence.

I think I am disconnected, in my head I'm quite hot, I know that's I can attract attention and can see sometimes a bloke considering. But who I am in my head doesn't match my body IYSWIM? It's a shock each time I see a mirror frankly

I suppose I hadn't worried until an actual rea life person wants to meet me, is quite like a little contact as it's been a while and I suddenly realise that mean no clothes...

I do think I'll feel better with just a stone off so will make efforts, the boobs I think I need to learn to love their southwards decline as I can't risk surgery (3 kids feckless ex).

Anyone ever had anyone get to meeting / intimate stage and do a runner??

Jesus what happened to my ability to type

What, like a man actually running away from sex?! No...

Actually, I've had a few men get all anxious on me pre-hook up about scars they fear will be passion killers. Honestly, I couldn't care less and wouldn't even have noticed if they hadn't said. But it just goes to show we're not the only ones with body anxieties.

You'll be fine. I bet you look fantastic, and in any case, he'll be too worried about whether his stomach looks paunchy, cock looks too small, etc to notice a few wobbly bits. Have fun!

The men who wouldn't like your body will have already have bypassed you at the picture stage so if you have pictures that show all of you rather than the usual selfie from above to hide the chin then men who want to date you will know what they are getting.

Online dating is a lottery. Many people are image conscious and they will always seek the slimmer women. Luckily there are many that don't.

You sound witty and funny OP. I'd take that over skinny any day.

I've several times chosen sense of humour over hot boring men.

And not all men want thin women. I'm about a 12, but my partner prefers bigger women. I think he'd be happy if I put on a stone or 2.

Short porker here. Dating for a few years with no issues. Interestingly had 1st time nakedness with a rather hot, slim, 6 year younger than me recent date at the weekend, he was very embarrassed about some acne scars on his back. Far more than I was about my c-section trophies, large but south facing boobs and impressive cellulite. It was all good. Enjoy

I'd like to agree with all the reassuring stuff - I have had a number of relationships from online dating at size 16.

However, if I'm really honest I've just yo-yoed back to that size and am avoiding online dating as I do think there is some truth to the selectivity of what men are looking for - many of the guys in their profiles emphasise their fitness routines and many do specify they want someone 'slim' or who 'takes care of themselves' or 'enjoys the same outdoor pursuits'. I do think many guys who divorce do put some effort into this, (afterall they usually have more free time from childcare than women) and want to trade up from their saggy old wives. Mid life crisis and all that....

Of course not all men are like this but its hard to find them and can feel quite exposing if you think thats why they reject or aren't interested in you when you meet.

Sorry! I'm not saying this to depress you but its how I honestly feel. And if you don't feel great about yourself - that does translate in the vibes you're giving off. So it depends how confident and happy you are in your own skin. If you dont like how you look there's no harm getting a bit fitter and healtheir so you feel good about yourself (not for the men). That's what I intend to do when I've feeling a bit more determined, because I know it gives my confidence a boost to feel that much better and enjoy the clothes I want to wear.

However, i do sometimes meet guys through other more natural paths and they do really fancy me for whom I am - I'm quite a big personality. I just dont like how I look right now so am steering away from online dating till I've got myself a little trimmer.

Size really is nothing to do with it. Im bigger than you and last time i went out i was batting (v handsome) guys (and girls) off with a stick. Its a nice ego boost.

Make your hair all pretty, choose clothes your comfy in and smile!
Please never feel your are too fat/ugly/skinny to date. Anyone decent would like you for you anyway!

I'm bigger than you and have boobs like spaniel's ears!! I had lots of interest when i was internet dating. I had a a few lovely dates before meeting my boyfriend. He thinks I'm gorgeous and sexy and can't get enough of me Sometimes I look in the mirror and think why does he like me, but I ignore that voice. He does like me and we get on brilliantly. Good luck!!

GarlicanSapphire is right. There are guys online for whom it is important; the same as in real life. My profile is not going to appeal to one of those guys. And to be honest I'm not going to be attracted to or inclined to contact someone who feels it necessary to tell me they 'look after themselves and want the same' in their profile. It has in the past proven to be an extremely effective dick filter.

You need one of them online. Highly tuned

I dated at that sort of size in my early 20's - didn't really work with that demographic but it might be different later in life.

We've just got back from a holiday in a resort designed for couples. I did see a few couples with either partner slim and the other one pretty big (even a good few sizes bigger than yourself) so it does happen.

I do agree to just making sure you post honest pictures. Them men who are after the slim, fit type will get eliminated at that stage and then your personality can shine through with the others.

Im a 16 to 18 but am told I have a "great face" . My husband on other hand is very slim for a 52 year old and no belly . he thinks I look totally fine and he really doesnt fancy skinny women , although to be honest he doesnt like really huge women either-- but anything between a 12 and 18 he thinks looks fine.

In my central London office i have a colleague who's single [i.e. never married etc], aged 30, reasonably high flying professional career, reasonably attractive, reasonably fashionable etc, very good personality, but significantly overweight, looking to meet similar [other than the overweight bit] and her size seems to be an absolute barrier to meeting someone.

In the 'secondhand market', i.e. older people, especially divorcees with kids, I should think people are a lot less picky. the 'flaws' that OP describes are more or less par for the course & might put a few people off but should still leave a good-sized pool of potential 'talent' to date.

I was dating a man who told me (when we parted) that it was better with the woman he dated before me. She was overweight he told me. I really dont care. We had no emotional chemistry but he had it with an overweight woman who dumped him. I wonder if that story helps at all.

I have braces. Not sure i should be dating.

I was a size 10-12 and curvy but relatively slim at aged 18. I then had 3 children in the space of a year and by 20 my body was completely different and I was a size 18. I didn't have time to date the usual way, so used online dating to meet people. I was very uncomfortable with it at first, but gradually got over it... i hope i can help.

First things first you need to learn to love your body. You'll have to just accept your body as it is before you get there, but I promise that it's worth it. Get Instagram and follow some body positive accounts. Look at yourself in the mirror (naked, if you can) until you find something you like, or at least something that you feel neutral about (my first thing was my shoulders). Take photos. It seems like an unnatural and weird thing to try and love your own body, but it's quite important.

With online dating, make sure you use photos that show what you actually look like. I remember the feeling every time someone agreed to meet me, I would think "wait, do they actually know what I look like? Should I tell them I'm fat?" - but the reality is, if they like your personality and they like your photos, they'll like your body in real life as well. A lot of men actually like a bigger woman anyway.

Believe that you're worthy of being attractive!!!!

Well, I've been single since marriage breakup, about 20 years; in the beginning, slim after 'divorce diet', I attracted male attention, had a couple of liaisons; then the weight crept on and I very definitely didn't. Until I lost 3 stone with WW, and I don't think it's a coincidence that that's when I met the one 'boyfriend' ive had in 15 years. The weight started creeping on again (I gain 7lbs every 6 months unless I watch it like a hawk), and lo - I am again invisible to the male sex! I'm the same person inside, the rest of my life chugs along, I'm fit and active - but my lived experience is that I'm noticed more when I'm slimmer.

Similar here, Walkacrossthesand: it was very strange after I lost 3 stone to feel men's eyes on me, because I'd never experienced that before. I liked it, but it also made me a bit sad because I had always been the same person inside.

Don't know if this is at all significant, but when I was heavier, the men I was involved with were all absolutely lovely characters who really respected women and conducted themselves with a lot of integrity. As a slimmer woman, it's much more of a mixed bag. I do attract some nice men, but also a lot of shallow players.

I've dated being what I would call fat, I certainly had wobbly bits everywhere and never had a problem with men.
It is about personality mostly op, apps are from a vanity perspective but I tend to go for people that appear to have interesting characters that show through their pics and that comes before the level of attractiveness for me.
Confidence or being open about yourself is an attractive trait to have.

SettlingOrLucky I have train track braces and thought I wouldn't date at all or be attractive to men but they still don't care, even random ones who have shown an interest outside of dating apps.

I'm so encouraged to read these responses. Im almost 5'9 and a size 22.

Since my marriage ended I have tentatively dated and had a variety of levels of interest.

My profile states large etc.

Have recently started chatting with a guy who, even though I think he could do better, has told me I look amazing, that he wants me.. 😱

Part of me thinks he's doing it for a bet.... the fact that I find him very attractive and his attitude is appealing (and our compatibility scores are huge,)

Im 41 ffs!!!