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Original poster

Whats the deal with online dating?

40 replies

Itsnotmyday · 05/06/2017 19:58

Finally plucked up the courage to go on a date saturday night, went well.. said he had a really nice time and wanted a 2nd date.. then hardly anything..whats all that about? It that normal? Before the date he was constantly messaging me. So to go from that to nothing is odd! I havent messaged to ask why but its just odd to me x

OP posts:
Jayfee · 05/06/2017 20:03

why don't you text him? just a light message...it was fun, nice to do it again sometime...

Original poster
Itsnotmyday · 05/06/2017 20:05

I did and he messaged back saying sorry 'itsnotmyday' (and spelt my name completley wrong Hmm ) and that he had completley forgot about me and had been busy

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsnotmyday · 05/06/2017 20:08

So i put back ok no problem, and he didnt reply

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 05/06/2017 20:35

Sorry to say but it sounds like he's not that interested and didn't want to say it to your face.
Having been on several (hundred!) online dates that's another lame way of doing it.
Well done for going on the date and don't take it personally (like I do!) just try and have several more different dates lined up! Grin

niceupthedance · 05/06/2017 20:37

How bloody rude. I'd block him. Next!

Original poster
Itsnotmyday · 05/06/2017 20:40

I got the hint he clearly wasnt interested, but just understand saying that he wanted a 2nd date. Ahhh anyways.. i have kind of taken it personally. It took a lot of courage to go on it in the first place after my ex jad called me fat, spotty, disgusting, replusive, no one would be so desperate to go out with me. It really knocked my confidence.. and now this date has

OP posts:
Chocolatefudgecake100 · 05/06/2017 20:40

Hes not into u n hasnt got the balls to say it

SleightOfHand · 05/06/2017 20:42

It's shit.

Original poster
Itsnotmyday · 05/06/2017 20:46

Ive deleted his number now. Id sooner just be told Hmm . I genuinly thought he had a good time as well! Obviously not Grin

OP posts:
luminousnature · 05/06/2017 20:48

I'm in the same position. Went on a first date nearly two weeks ago and felt we had a good connection, he said he had a nice time. Then the next day mentioned about a second date. Now I hear no replies, nothing. Frustrating. Seems like it really is the luck of the draw a lot of the time.

Original poster
Itsnotmyday · 05/06/2017 20:50

Its so odd! Maybe they have a few dates lined up with different women and they pick who they like the most.. cringe Grin

OP posts:
Bant · 05/06/2017 20:53

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2931210-The-Dating-Thread-118-Online-and-real-life-dating-advice

It's really not you, it's them.

Online dating is weird, for all of us.

LuluBellaBlue · 05/06/2017 20:53

I've had exactly the same thing, I think why say something you don't mean? Just shrug it off and move on. Hugs Flowers

luminousnature · 05/06/2017 20:54

Yes, it really is! I suspect so, or maybe they already have a family. I can't get my head around it either, would rather just be told the truth. Maybe some people don't know how to let someone down gently as they don't want to feel they have been the cause of disappointment. Yet it is worse to be left hanging imo.

accountdetails · 05/06/2017 20:55

Don't let the fucker get you down. Onwards and upwards.... I've been in the same position as you Flowers

Cakedoesntjudge · 05/06/2017 20:55

When I tried OLD for a summer I very quickly learnt to have a couple of dates lined up each week - it meant that I didn't focus on one when they disappeared off the face of the earth and I didn't take it so personally.

I should mention that I only learnt this after my initial foray into it when I decided I'd clearly met the one who then disappeared without a trace and I genuinely thought something awful had happened to him and really panicked for a week or so until a friend of a friend turned out to know him and confirmed he was absolutely fine 😂

Multiple dates isn't for everyone but it stopped me getting too invested too early! Good luck :)

user1480334601 · 05/06/2017 20:59

Meh there's no point speculating. There's a million possible reasons he's gone cold turkey. Move onto the next! :)

I have done online dating and been on quite a few dates. Some didn't like me and we're honest about it, some made out they did like me but went cold turkey, some I didn't like but they liked me (and I'm ashamed to admit I went cold on one or two :( others I was honest with depending on how we got on etc) and finally met one I liked and he liked me!

It's a fickle world. Just enjoy it and the experience :) and look after yourself. Also encountered a few weirdo/ downright stalker types who couldn't take no or hints for an answer

user1480334601 · 05/06/2017 21:01

Yes also what Cake said!

And also don't leave it too long to meet. If you message long messages for ages easy to catch feelings and put more pressure on yourself for l actual date

Original poster
Itsnotmyday · 05/06/2017 21:04

Hmm yeah maybe mutipy dates is the way forward! Ive had a few who say yeah they want to go out on a date.. then silence Hmm so sometimes i dont even get as far as a first date. This is terrible! I think its making me feel worse. I joined a gym today, give me a confidence boost. Im still pretty down about the insulting things my ex said.. so maybe i should gain more confindence before getting myself back out there.. my ex even called me sad and pathetic because i hadnt moved on in 2 months after he left me.. made me feel like i had to find someone else.. but i dont think its the answer

OP posts:
SleightOfHand · 05/06/2017 21:14

Hope you've blocked your ex then too.

"real" people are few and far between.

luminousnature · 05/06/2017 21:17

I don't want to put a negative spin on it, bit I've been online dating for 2 years and have struggled with it from one bad experience to another. Most of them either don't get past the first date, or have just strung me along unfortunately. As painful as those experiences were, I just see it as lessons and I've only met a handful of people...out of billions. This is the best way to stay positive about it all I believe. Multiple dating sounds like a good idea so you can see the person more for who they are, how they treat you etc without investing too much too soon.

HildaOg · 05/06/2017 21:25

You should always chat to a few on the go at the same time. I'm dating three at the moment and have a few more I'm chatting to that will be a replacement when one goes into the no longer interested bin.

I've been on dates with a few dozen men. The vast majority are attractive, smart, good personality (I'm excellent at filtering those I want to meet), some have become friends but I'm looking for chemistry. I want the sparks jumping between each other when we're sitting down for a drink. On top of a list of essential characteristics.

Of the ones I'm currently dating there's a lot of compatibility but none of them are the 'right' one but I like their company and the dates are fun. So I'll keep going until I find Mr Right. I've no interest in Mr Will Do... I want two people choosing each other because we both think the other is the best.

OLD is like a sweet shop, you can pick and choose the most compatible person from a variety of options. Be a customer, not a sweet😉

Original poster
Itsnotmyday · 05/06/2017 21:29

Good way at looking at things ladies!
And i had to get a new number to stop my ex messaging me.. even though he 'traded me in for a size 8, gorgeous women' Hmm dont see why he felt he had to continue to harress me

OP posts:
Stuck16 · 05/06/2017 21:36

I was supposed to have my first date from OLD tonight. Been messaging daily for 3 weeks, always him to send the first message each day, spoke on the phone a couple of times.
Got a babysitter. He messaged me at 18:30 to check all was well and to check I knew where I was meeting him, i replied all was good.
Checked my phone just as I was leaving the house- he'd blocked me. No message to cancel nothing. I called him from my landline, he answered and when he heard my voice, he hung up!!

I don't get it. First time I've been brave enough to agree to meet someone and this happens. I won't be trying again any time soon

user1480334601 · 05/06/2017 21:42

Aw stuck that's rotten Angry dodged a bullet though by sounds of it. Sounds like he got cold feet!